Young Writers Society

Okay so I'm writing a fantasy novel, except I don't know what to put in the beginning so can anyone help me? Here's my idea for a starting chapter:
It was 2 minutes to midnight and Reeve was still wide awake, not only because of the intense August heat, but also of what he would find out the next day: His 13th birthday. 7 years ago, Rose, the owner of the White Horse Orphanage and Reeve’s caretaker or as the children call her, ‘Mother Kindness’ promised Reeve that she would tell him how he ended up in an orphanage when he becomes a teenager.
Reeve raised his left arm to reveal a digital watch with the glowing numbers: 11:58:52, just 1 minute left… 40 seconds… 20… 5, 4, 3, 2… But Reeve never saw it turn 12:00, because the next moment, he was lying facedown on what felt like grass.

Okay, so can anyone give some suggestions or comments? Thanks a lot

Yeah, that's really, really rushed. It feels like you didn't know what to put in the beginning, so decided to write stuff and get it out of the way as soon as possible. So basically, SLOW DOWN! ^_^

When writing a scene, and especially a scene when something is about to happen, requires a good pace. Sometimes that means going fast, but most often it means slowing down. Remember, we can't see the scene in your head. We only know as much as you show us, and if you don't show us anything, we can't see anything. And right now, you're not showing us anything. Reeve's lying in bed. Big whoop. What's his room like? How does he really feel? He's about to have some Big Reveal happen, so surely he'd be feeling all the feels possible right now. How does the room smell? What are the sounds of the room, of the night outside? Can he hear the other people in the orphanage? Does he share his room with anyone? You need to make us really see the scene, see Reeve's room in detail, see all the stuff that makes something real.

Your telling stuff is too rushed as well, and it comes across as very awkward and inyoface. When you've got back story information--like Rose promising to tell Reeve his origins--you should try and reveal it in a subtle way. Not HI THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING NAOW! but try and reveal it in a way so that we don't really notice that we're being told it. Make it part of the story. A better way to begin this would be the scene with Rose promising Reeve to tell him his past. That way we get more of the story, you get a better beginning, and you can show us backstory and other information without being too obvious.

I hope this all makes sense! If it doesn't, or if you have any questions, do Wall or PM me. Also, if you want better reviews you should post this in one of the lit forums. This forum is more for asking specific questions, like can you die from a bee sting or how does one make a wicker basket. PM me if you do want this moved.

See you around!

-twit