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that might lead her to believe there was anything left to salvage of her relationship with none other than the snagged and gagged Captain Rackford
beady black eyes examining her surroundings through narrowed eyes, eyebrows arched
I didn't particularly like this sentences mostly because of the overwhelming amount of pronouns. Weird complaint, right? I mean, the line makes sense, but it's hard to follow right off the bat. (Especially because I wasn't sure if Mrs. Worthington was his mother - or, for all I knew - his wife!) The sentence isn't bad, not at all, but you may want to clear it up. Perhaps like so? "....attempted to skitter away from her to his mother. However, Mr. Worthington took one look at all the blood on him and Miss Amelia and proceeded to lose all consciousness." (the "proceeded" is just a fondness of mine )As Mrs. Worthington's shrieks attracted a little crowd, he attempted to skitter away from her to his mother, took one looked at all the blood on him and her, and lost consciousness.
This is a very confusing bit, mostly due to the typos at the very beginning. Also, I'm not sure why "all those people" cause her so much distress - you might want to make that more obvious.Miss Amelia then thought to faint also – and opened her eyes, a moment before, and out of the corner of her them for herself saw drops of red splattered over her pale pink gown, and next to her the sickly face of Mrs. Worthington's son, also with splotchy drops of crimson, and all those people, all those people drawn by the noise made by Mrs. Worthington now cradling Frederick Worthington.
a weed if there ever was one
I don't like the repetition in these lines.and indeed admitted that it was her fault, all her fault. That it was her, only her fault:
Miss Amelia Lassiter was her name; potential to change that matter dwindled daily. A thin creek of soirée invitations at last dried up completely. As the hated rosebushes outside Lassiter House wilted when murdered by gardeners and the scorching rays of gossip and speculation, so did poor Amelia herself – and with her, the household.
Esmé wrote:That Miss Cecilia Snowdown had set her victorious cap on Colonel Edgar Rackford was clear to everyone. [A bit of a mouth-full but I like it, nice use of reverse syntax.] She laughed at his jokes, unamusing as they were, deigned to listen to witless clumps of words making no sense whatsoever, and gazed up at him with perfect adoration unsubtly hidden behind, needless to say, most perfect maidenly modesty.
I think this perhaps goes a little too fast and there's a lot of telling and back-peddling. It would perhaps be better to start with Amelia discreetly following the other two ladies away from the party. You'd have the opportunity to introduce the characters more deeply while she listens in on an earlier conversation and there wouldn't be a need to back-track to fill in missing information.She brushed off sticks and leaves from her skirts, for it was in the garden that our disbelieving young lady had found herself in a vain effort to find any scraps of information that might lead her to believe there was anything left to salvage of her relationship with none other than the snagged and gagged Colonel Rackford – by unfortunate forces other than her own. [A very long sentence. I'd suggest cutting it in two.] She had followed the matron through trees and bushes and hedges, waiting for the topic to come up in conversation, sure it would eventually.
“I do not know, I do not know what her dear father would say, may he rest in peace, I do not know...” bewailed the late Mrs. Harold Lassiter, [You realise this suggests she is dead... right? If you mean her husband has recently died, you could say newly widowed or recently widowed.] clasping her hands together and looking heavenward, toward the ceiling direly in need of paint. She held smelling salts, without a word given to her by Beth, and a monogrammed handkerchief which she ever so often dabbed at her eyes. Mrs. Lassiter had already apologized profoundly to Mrs. Worthington and her quite dumbstruck son for her daughter's conduct, in truth painting the situation in much darker colors than it ought to have been, and of course not mentioning that Frederick Worthington had been in the bushes first.
A good hook paragraph but perhaps it would be better to say that even the very memory of them shrivelled up by lack of gossip or a new wave of gossip? Explain what you mean more. It doesn't really make sense the way you've phrased it.Miss Amelia Lassiter was her name; potential to change that matter dwindled daily. A thin creek of soirée invitations at last dried up completely. As the hated rosebushes outside Lassiter House wilted when murdered by gardeners and the scorching rays of gossip and speculation, so did poor Miss Amelia herself – and with her, the household.
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