Young Writers Society

I am an abomination, I am a killer. I don't understand why I'm this way I just have to kill, and kill. The urges don't stop even as I watch my victim squirm as if she's a fish wriggling around on land. Her head bounces around in the sink, pounding against the dark wooden slab locked around her neck. The cuffs around her wrist strain the steal bars that hold her arms high against the red brick wall. I could hear the agonizing sound of her frail shoulder popping out of its needed place, she began to struggle more. The sight of her losing life in front of me gave me pleasure. This pleasure was the greatest sensation I had ever felt, yet pain set into my soul, for I knew I was a monster of pure sin.
It wasn't much longer till her struggle slowed, then came to a silent stop. I stared at her for a several moments more and watched her muscles contract. My lips carved into a murders smile. Her life was absent, her suffering was done; My smile was for both. I slithered over to the body and unlocked the cuffs. The arms dropped like stones to the floor. I undid the lock for the wooden slab. The remaining body slid to the tile making a sound much like a crack.
Immediately after the sound was made, I could hear motion behind me. I turned my body with a snap in fear as though my sin had been discovered. I expected to see the police rush into me and sweep me away. Instead I saw my second victim lift her abdomen off the floor. She turned to me and then swiftly came to her feet and dashed to the opposite direction. I sprung after her and entered the next room of my chambers.
This room was cluttered with plastic bags, bottles, and bleach. The woman stood in the far left corner of the room, trapped and frightened. As her eyes caught sight of me entering the room she flattened her body against the wall.
“Leave me alone!” she shrieked at me as I paced toward her.
“Don't struggle miss.” I replied with an emotionless voice. I became with in arms reach and grabbed her shoulders. She screeched and drew her nails across my face. I stumbled back slightly as she cried
“Get away! Get away!” I rushed back into her this time wrapping my fingers around her tense throat. My arms crashed her to the ground as I put my body on top of hers. She swung her arms frantically around me. I tightened my killer grip to insure she wouldn't get air into her body.
“Don't struggle ma'am the more you struggle the more it hurts.” I said to her with strain on the end of my words as I thrust my weight on to her neck.
Her arms stopped flailing around my head and smacked the cold ground. I pulled my hands from her bruised skin and stood up hawking down at her. I sighed with the thought of the deed I had just finished. It was time now to hide the evidence of this happening; I grabbed a bottle of bleach.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whooooooooooa!

Well, now that I can breathe again, I shall comment!

Everything I have to say about your story is good. The moral of it itself is pretty wicked, but, I like it. I reeeally like it. You’re descriptiveness is impeccably clear and there was suspense which intensified it to a point it took my breath away by the end!

Especially when he dislodged the females’ arm, making my skin CRAWL. LoL! I have a hard time watching gory scenes like this on TV so imagine my rising judders when reading this. But it's totally good, because, all the senses are crisp.

There are a few nitpicks, technical wise:

“I am an abomination. I am a killer. I don't understand why I'm this way. I just have to kill, and kill.”

The story is so solid, however, I felt this part of the very beginning wasn’t as straight-forward as the rest. I was thinking, a use of periods here would convey him as making a statement that he’s a killer and he doesn’t understand why he is. That’s how it came across to me and I wanted to let ya know, it’s totally up to you though.

“The cuffs around her wrist strain the steel bars that hold her arms high against the red brick wall.”

“I became within arms reach and grabbed her shoulders.”

These quirks are very minor and didn’t bother the read a bit. Wonderful work! Definitely an evil character I just might love to hate; or love all around. Except for what his profession implies heeheeheeheeheehee! XD

~Ceely

Ouu I really liked this piece! I really liked the concept, it is not definitely not something you read on here everyday. It was different and refreshing. I also love reading dark and creepy stories, such as this one. Anyways, great concept overall!
I really liked your descriptions. They were clear and gave a really good visual. Being able to watch what was happening made it more intense. My only suggestion would maybe to describe the characters more. If the reader can really see what they look like, or at least get an idea, it may make them sympathize with them more. If you build more on your victims it will create a greater bond with the reader and make the story even better. However, it all depends on how you want to write it. If you want the bond to be with the killer, then I wouldn't worry about it as much. Depends on what you are going for.
The one thing that I want to point out, is how I thought you put too much emphasis on how he was a killer. Here are two examples of what I mean:

My lips carved into a murder's smile.

I tightened my killer grip to...

The fact that you already mentioned how he was a killer in the first line of the story, I don't think you should really mention it again throughout. His actions can enforce that idea enough. It is also implied that if he is smiling at someone's death that it is going to be that wicked murderous smile. I don't know, it just seemed repetitive and unnecessary to me.
Over than that I really enjoyed this piece! Great work