Young Writers Society

Yes, finally something with Claire being a Pervert and not emotional! Davie is the son of the headmaster and is used to getting whatever he wants. Claire is a pervert who slept with Davie once, her biggest mistake. Carmen, Claire's only real friend and Gender confused medic.

Just a little something, it's part of a bigger project that I'm poking at. Also see this.
~~~

Claire sighed and kicked her feet up on the desk. Carmen shot her a look and she rolled her eyes at the other student. This is why Carmen hated study hall, no one ever did work and they all took advantage of the ‘free’ period to goof off. Especially Claire. Carmen dropped down into the seat beside her and flipped open a book. For the longest time the two sat in silence; Claire was nearly asleep with her arms crossed over her chest and Carmen reading the book.

“So Carmen, why did you stay?” She asked with her eyes still closed. The other student looked up from the book and stared at Claire. The girl didn’t move, but her lips were pressed into a determined line.

“What do you mean?” Carmen’s eyes returned to the book of war. Claire sat up and leaned forward, holding herself up by her elbows on her knees. This forced Carmen to look back up and search Claire’s face; it screamed ‘are you serious?’

“When Portman claimed me as his ‘girl’ everyone I used to hang out with left me because they’re afraid of him. Why didn’t you?” Carmen closed to book and put it down, contemplating an answer. Finally, all the student could do was shrug. Claire jumped to her feet and pulled Carmen up with her. “Is it because he won’t hit a girl? Is that it? You’re a girl! Or are you a boy? C’mon tell me!” Claire undid Carmen’s belt and pulled down the other student’s pants. Carmen’s hands snapped down to pull them back up.

“H-hey, don’t do that in public. If you must know I am a man; now can we get back to not talking before we attract the attention of one of the teachers?” Carmen dropped back down into his seat and shoved his face into the book. His face was now the brightest red with embarrassment.

“You have a huge Pe--,” Claire shut up and plopped back down into her chair, Carmen shot her a glare that shut her up. “That’s a huge compliment coming from me, I’ve seen many of those in my day.” Claire giggled and propped her feet back up on the desk. Carmen continued to squirm as he read his book; he didn’t feel comfortable knowing Claire knew he was male. He knew how she was with males.

He was snapped from his thoughts when a pair of hands met his shoulders. “Hello my beloved Claire.” Both students looked up to see Davie smiling down at them with that twisted little grin of his. It made Carmen’s skin crawl, and Claire harden a glare on him. Davie ignored her and gazed down to the man squirming under his hands, “Hello, Andreas. I see you and Claire were having fun.” Carmen could have sworn his heart had stopped for a second.

“Get out of here, Portman. Leave the medic alone.” She stood and clenched her fists. Carmen smiled weakly up at her; he was glad that she was still standing up for him. “I’m allowed to have friends.” She pushed herself between the two and gave Davie a shove with her knees.

The two glared at each other, in a silent war. Carmen contemplated leaving, but he couldn’t leave his friend with that creep. Heaven knew what he would do to her if he left. Finally Davie muttered something under his breath and left the two. Claire let out a shaky breath and plopped down on the arm of Carmen’s chair.

“Thanks, Claire. If he ever tries anything just tell me and I’ll get Dad to--” Claire pressed her fingers to his lips and smiled. Carmen sat back and turned the book over in his hands and sighed. “You okay?” His eyes flickered up to her for a moment more.

“Y’know,” she started with a huffy laugh, “He really pisses me off.” She looked back to Carmen and smiled. The boy laughed and shook his head and stuffed his nose back into his book.
~

Oh, wow. That was something I didn't expect.
I've never read anything of yours before, so that took me by complete surprise.
That was awesome.

In a strange, horrible, deranged and extremely perverted way. Now allow me to make a few pointers

First off, I loved your first line. It automatically told me SO much about Claire's character, more so than say -

Claire sighed because she had nothing to do in this stupid study hall class.

Yours was just so BAM-! Claire has attitude. However the second sentence didn't seem to flow as well. At first, I thought that Carmen rolled her eyes - before I found out she was in fact a male.
Now that I re-read it as I review, I understand that it is actually Claire and not Carmen rolling the eyes. All in all, a bit confusing. I think just

Carmen shot her a look.

works just as well.
The rest carries on in a matching tone, telling us what type of person Carmen must be - what with the book and the strong sense of disgust for the likes of Claire. Awesome.

The next thing I liked was the "book of war." It made my mind click. I connected it to your title. It is the best feeling ever. When reading a novel or a poem, I just LOVE it when all of a sudden, everything just makes sense. This also happened when I found out the whole "gender" concept at play. At first, I found the "looked at the student", "student" lines very forced. But when all was made clear, I understood your reasons for it and it no longer seemed so much of a problem.

Claire sat up and leaned forward, holding herself up by her elbows on her knees.

This sort of lost me. An info-dump, if you say so. Not only did she sit up, she also happened to lean forward, on her elbows and her knees. SAY WHA-?! Exactly

After that, you used your shock tactics effectively. I definitely did not expect something like that.
It was so rash, so vulgar - it left a strong effect.
Claire's self-confidence continues to be seen throughout the next few paragraphs. It also shows the contrasting roles - via Carmen's weakness.

I think that was very strong in leaving an impact. An excellent piece; one that will definitely stay with me for some time!

Yours,
E.