I need to stop running. I need to keep running. I need to surrender. I can never surrender. I need to give up. I can never give up. My name is Dani, and I need to run for the rest of my life.
I’m not normal. I wasn’t born. I was made to be the perfect person, physically and mentally, and now I am the most wanted girl in the world. Though I’ve done nothing wrong in my life I can never stop running, lest the government catch me. He made m promise before he have himself up. He made me swear on his life that I’d never give up, never let them get me, never back down. They took him. It can’t happen to me, it just isn’t feasible. It’s impossible, I tell myself, ‘It only happens to other people’. Yet it’s so possible it frightens me into paralysation, but I never stop running at all. Not to eat, or to breathe, I just keep going.
One day I stopped. And I didn’t die. And they didn’t find me. But nothing can convince me to do it again, because he came to me. He came to me. He spoke to me, and I saw him, and I touched him; he was real. He told me to keep going and never stop again, and I promised that I wouldn’t. But I will. I can’t do it forever. I can’t keep this up forever. Well, I could if I wanted to, but one I need to stop.
He’ll come for me soon, he has to come for me soon, and if he doesn’t and run forever and set off the timer, and then I will die. I will die and not come back, because I can die you know. They forget that. I can stop running at any time, and say the words, and the timer will start, and then I will never have to run again. Despite this, I can’t do it, because I will take the lives of so many people, the livelihoods of thousands, and my death will signal the beginning of the end of the world. I will trigger so many tiny explosions, millions of scientists will commit suicide, wishing that they had never made me, and he will be no more, I will murder him. I cannot murder the man that I love.
I have skin that is so pale it is almost white, and hair such a dark red that it is almost black, and eyes such a light lilac they look like nothing is there, just a lavender ring around where my iris should be, then white, and white, then the sharp contrast of my ink pupil. Only when you look closely at me can you see them normally.
Please help me, wherever you are, please find me, I need you. I need you, now.
I stopped. I finally stopped. I needed to stop. I had to. He came for me. I need to tell someone, I need to let my feelings show.
I was running past a tree and something hit my face. Turning round, I saw him, in the tree, and I gasped and stopped, and climbed up to him. He is my love, I can't help it, he is the only person I can trust. He is... perfect. His name is Adam, and he loves me, I am so sure of it.
"Adam, can I stop now?"
"Yes, just try and be quiet. Dani, do you need food yet?"
I nodded breathlessly and devoured the food he gave me, draining the water. Without warning, a thought dawned on me.
"Why was I made?"
"To be used as a spy, but you had a glitch. You know everything from there." He soothed as I lay my head on his shoulder, and he held me close so that we didn't fall to the ground.
"How was I made? Where did they get my body?" I regretted this question soon afterwards. Adam sighed and looked at me, his dark eyes black like the night.
“When Lauren Whiteshadow died… her parents donated her body to science. She had been a child genius, and on her way home one day got hit by a car. Her last wish was to be ‘used for something good’. They replaced her eyes with all-seeing ones, dyed her hair so that she wasn’t recognisable, and modified her… you’re Lauren Whiteshadow.” He finished. Seeing my face, he hugged me as I let the tears come.
“But… no! No I am Dani! I am Dani…” I insisted. Nodding, he soothed my excited nerves. “Never let me go.” I pleaded.
After awhile I stopped crying
“Her emotions?”
“Yours.”
“Did you meet her?”
“Yes.”
“Did she love you?”
“…I think so.” He breathed. My emotions aren’t my own. What am I? So, the only reason that I love the man that I love is because a dead girl who’s body I use loved him! This heart of mine is not my own, I am just used! I am used! Nothing can help me! Nothing can save me! So I will do what I always do. There is thump in my ears, no pounding of my heart it has stopped, my blood is cold in my veins as I wonder.
“Did you love her?” I tremble. With a scream, I nearly collapse. He loves her, not me! Oh, my love is not my own, and he loves the girl I was, not me! How can I ever live again? I can’t. She cannot live anymore. So I will do what I always do; I will run until he finds me again, but I hope he never does. Thud, goes the blood pounding in my ears. Tears well in my eyes.
And then it happens. Strong arms engulf me, and a pair of lips press against mine, kissing me. It’s Adam. As I kiss him back I notice the softness of his hand on my cheek, the saltiness of his firm lips, the way he presses against me and holds me. When he pulls away, my dead cheeks have a slight blush on them, my eyes sparkle and my lips cherish the pressure that lingers; it feels as if the kiss will never end, though it already has. I know the words are coming, forming on his mouth as I pant
“Run.”
Encounter. Encounter. Encounter. People made contact with me today, runners. Faith and Hope. Twins. I want to be like them. Peaches and cream complexion; such healthy, living cheeks. Clear hazel eyes; such animated, living eyes. Crimson, heart-shaped lips with a merry laugh always playing upon them; such mirthful, living lips. Strawberry-blonde hair; such silky, living hair. They were living people, with real emotions. Not stale ones, used ones, the leftovers.
I was passing them when they caught my eye. Something deep inside of me stirred, and I knew that I must talk them.
“Do you mind if I run alongside you?”
“No. I’m Faith by the way, and this is Hope.” Introduced my source of jealousy and admiration. After exchanging felicitations and whatnot, we got to talking.
“So, Dani, where are you off to?”
Joke. I must seem witty. “End of the earth.”. They laughed at this. I was doing well. It felt like an examination, the whole experience, a challenge almost; failing is not an option with me. Ever.
After talking over running experiences –part of my backstory. If anyone asks, I’m in training for a marathon- something interesting happened. Hope, a shy character, but charming nonetheless, was talking about how her best friend had died. Faith soon hushed her with a solemn expression; I could see in those eyes of hers that people were often driven away by the story. In the deepest depths of my heart, something was leading me to the question that soon left my icy lips
“Was her name Lauren Whiteshadow?”. Faith choked back a gasp. Hope closed her eyes, attempting to hide her tears. In small, identical voices, they replied
“Yes…”
“Then I need to go.”
“No!” they cried in unison
“Yes.” Said my unwilling voice, shaking. “I need to go now, I need to run.”
“Why don’t you ever stop? You’ve kept that pace the whole time! Aren’t you out of breath?”
“I never get out of breath. But now I must go! I need to see someone, I must find them. First… was she good?” Hope stared
“Lauren? She was… yes. She was good. She was so good, she was so pure, she never even had the chance to love…”
“What?”
“Never. Never loved. Never even a crush… she deserved love, but no one loved her that way.” Faith responded to my blank request. “It’s always the good people.”
“I… someone loved her! Adam loved her!”
“Where is he? Adam? That… that swine!”
“He’s not a swine. He loved me! He loves me still!”
“Wh…” it washed over them. The realisation. “Lauren?”
“Dani. It’s Dani.”
Then I ran once more. Today I met Faith and Hope, in more ways than one.
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