Young Writers Society

'Why Him, why in the world HIM?!' Juliet shouted in her mind, going home late. She tried gamely to forget her hot blush and the touch of His body just from ten minutes ago. She'd always hated herself for these stupid thoughts which had always haunted her on her lonely, evening walks and which had always made her lost in the clouds of deliberations. But that night she hated herself a hundred times more, because that thought-wandering was exactly what let her bump onto familiar, tall, raven-haired young man. The fear caused her heart to flutter, nearly fleeing from her chest... Or maybe it wasn't fear?
'Damn, again!' she kicked herself, had she realized that for some time she had no idea where she was going. But before she managed to figure out her situation, some strong, undoubtedly male arm pulled her into an alley. It took her only a second to understand with terror, that she wouldn't make it away...

She couldn't quite determine where she was, what happened and how long had she been lying like so, completely still, in impenetrable darkness. Her senses were befuddled by excruciating pain of abdomen and thighs, which her own blood was slowly flowing down.
She got up with difficulty, moaning. The world swayed and whirled before her eyes, so she leaned against a wet, brick wall, hobbling towards the bright streetlamp light which dazzled her pupils, which had been already accustomed to darkness. Next vertigo came exactly when the brick wall ended. She lost her balance, heard a muffled scream and landed in some arms, warmth of which brought relief to her numb body. The blush once again covered her cheeks, when, through the blood-red mist, she saw His face.
Her hand jumped up without her will involved and rested on her chest. It wasn't before then that Juliet noticed a black hilt, which crossguard was stuck in her, as if hooked to her shirt, once white, now dipped in scarlet.
She didn't want to die. She wanted to stay in this evil and bathed in blood world, which she was born in. She wanted to learn to love it and to learn to love Him. But the warmth of His arms was already embracing all of her, and the previously black inside of her eyelids flared up with engaging light which slowly pulled her in and broke her touch with reality. She opened her lips in soundless laugh as she looked at her long-dead mother, once again young and full of absurd life.
The woman took her hand and lead her on the never-ending journey through the time and space. She saw some old ma'am on her death bed, gripping hard her son's fingers just before she slipped into silence. She saw a suicide, who with tears up her eyes swallowed the whole bottle of pills; a soldier in a trench, who died without even knowing it as the bullet pierced his forehead; a dog beaten up to death by a bunch of hooligans, its blood flowing down the asphalt and disappearing in a drain... Countless pictures, countless agonies, countless victims of this merciless, refined killer--Death.
Some man was slaughtered in a dark alley, just like her. 'Does he feel the same?' she wondered. 'Does he see my face or any of the faces I saw? Or maybe he just falls into the darkness, letting himself be wrapped in a comforting, relieving coolness?'
For just a split second Juliet saw through his eyes, smelled his blood and felt his pain... and she found the sensation strangely heavenly. But then, there were no more faces and last moments. Then she stood again in the endless white, gazing into her mother's smooth features, still shaking with the last feeling.
"You helped them all," she heard her voice, although the lips in front of her didn't break their slight, calming smile. "Thanks to you they died in no pain, thanks to you they could feel warmth covering their frozen hearts just before their consciousness tuned out."
With each of her words Juliet felt more and more lost, full of unanswered questions.
"But... how?"
"With just one simple gesture you awoke a power of absorbing their feelings and of sowing in their minds the bliss they had forgotten in their last minutes. You helped them, that should be enough. Let's go. I'll bake your favorite cookies."

A smile froze on Juliet's lips, when she whispered His name in the last breath.

Oh my goodness, this is really good. It was a little confusing at first though. I'm not sure if you want critism on it since it was a school project and all so I'll just say one thing.

'Why Him, why in the world HIM?!' Juliet shouted in her mind, going home late. She tried gamely to forget her hot blush and the touch of His body just from ten minutes ago. She'd always hated herself for these stupid thoughts which had always haunted her on her lonely, evening walks and which had always made her lost in the clouds of deliberations. But that night she hated herself a hundred times more, because that thought-wandering was exactly what let her bump onto familiar, tall, raven-haired young man. The fear caused her heart to flutter, nearly fleeing from her chest... Or maybe it wasn't fear?
'Damn, again!' she kicked herself, had she realized that for some time she had no idea where she was going. But before she managed to figure out her situation, some strong, undoubtedly male arm pulled her into an alley. It took her only a second to understand with terror, that she wouldn't make it away...

She couldn't quite determine where she was, what happened and how long had she been lying like so, completely still, in impenetrable darkness. Her senses were befuddled by excruciating pain of abdomen and thighs, which her own blood was slowly flowing down.
She got up with difficulty, moaning. The world swayed and whirled before her eyes, so she leaned against a wet, brick wall, hobbling towards the bright streetlamp light which dazzled her pupils, which had been already accustomed to darkness. Next vertigo came exactly when the brick wall ended. She lost her balance, heard a muffled scream and landed in some arms, warmth of which brought relief to her numb body. The blush once again covered her cheeks, when, through the blood-red mist, she saw His face.

For some reason, I kind of felt like the second paragraph was rushed. Maybe explain some more? It was a shock to have went from scene to scene like that without any description. Maybe include that he weilded a weapon or something of that sort.
It's a really good story though!

-CookEmonster

Heya!
Just a few grammatical errors to begin with... yey!
and the touch of His body Why is he capitalized? - also on the last line.
which had always made her lost in the clouds of deliberations It doesn't sound right, maybe revise a bit.
knowing it, as the bullet pierced- The need of the comma.
Apart from a couple of sentences that didn't quite do it for me, the story was good. Though sometimes I had to re-read bits because I didn't understand what was going on, I am still slightly confused now after reading it. What actually happen to Juliet? She was suddenly walking along, was she attacked? I got that impression.
She couldn't quite determine where she was, what happened and how long had she been lying like so, completely still, in impenetrable darkness. Her senses were befuddled by excruciating pain of abdomen and thighs, which her own blood was slowly flowing down.
but suddenly Romeo... I think it was Romeo, came out... did her attack her? You didn't make it clear enough.
The blush once again covered her cheeks, when, through the blood-red mist, she saw His face.
Her hand jumped up without her will involved and rested on her chest. It wasn't before then that Juliet noticed a black hilt, which crossguard was stuck in her, as if hooked to her shirt, once white, now dipped in scarlet.
So Romeo either came out and attacked her, or someone attacked her and romeo was there? If so where did the attacker go? She suddenly was sent on a trip??? What happened? Was she having an outer body experience or just a walk in the park? Though it has to be send, that the writing here, was exceptional!:
She saw some old ma'am on her death bed, gripping hard her son's fingers just before she slipped into silence. She saw a suicide, who with tears up her eyes swallowed the whole bottle of pills; a soldier in a trench, who died without even knowing it as the bullet pierced his forehead; a dog beaten up to death by a bunch of hooligans, its blood flowing down the asphalt and disappearing in a drain... Countless pictures, countless agonies, countless victims of this merciless, refined killer--Death.-
I'm not sure about the ending either, I'm not quite sure I get it.
Apart from how the story doesn't make complete sense, your writing style is good and clear. I think this does have the potential to be a great piece of writing, just work on how you send things to the reader, a lot of it was unclear.
Love,
Evenslily x

I love how descriptive this work is and it really gives you an insight into the character of Juliet. But maybe you could make the story more clear in the middle just so that you feel more sympathy at the end

Hey there!

I had the same assignment to do a couple of years ago. Bored to me death it did! Haha.

Okay, this a nice piece of writing and I enjoyed it. So good job there! However, I too got a bit lost and some more description about how scared she was. This particularly caught my eye. "It took her only a second to understand with terror, that she wouldn't make it away..." A little boring in my opinion. You have obvious talent and it wouldn't take much to spice it up a bit, and the story as a whole too.

But otherwise an excellent representation of Romeo & Juliet.

~ T.K