Young Writers Society

The little boy in the corner. He sits alone his knees tucked up to his chest. He's like a child in that way, innocent and vulnerable.
He drinks and turns. letting his real side out. Wild, crazy, immortal. He cant be killed he will welcome your challenge though .... God's cruel joke. He wallows in his failure. He is Gods punchline in this sick world, doomed to always fail.

Yet he continues, he is determined to change the world, to save it.
People tell him he is a bad person. A thief, a drunk, a lost cause. He knows what he is. his past plagues his future scares him, and his present traps him. He watches and reads people. They don't see it but he gives them little pushes so that they become who they want to be.

I loved this. It reminds me of my friend. I thought that this piece was short but perfect in that way. I would have liked it a bit longer but I didn't mind it being so short. I also found the "Little boy" to be sweet and charming as well as relatable. I don't know if that's just me or not but I don't know I did. Haha. Anyway great job!
5 owls out of 5.

Thank you so much owl the Little boy is based loosely on me and some things im dealing with

Good evening (over here, anyway), I'm Tiger and I'll be your friendly neighbourhood reviewer today.

Before getting into the actual story, I've got three nitpicks:

-The title (at least the bracketed part) doesn't seem to make sense in context with the story.
-This is in no way an action/adventure short story. It's not even a short story, but I suppose that's not your fault; we don't have a flash fiction section.
-It's not much of a story. It's a brief sketch of thoughts, and though there seems like there might be some slightly bigger story, it doesn't seem to be anything more interesting than violent kid with some excuse to get away with his behaviour. Which isn't really a story at all.

The second paragraph, to me, makes absolutely no sense. He can't be killed and is immortal? Something about God punishing him?...Kay, then. He seems to hate himself and the world, and yet he wants to save it?...Kay, then. He is violent towards people and yet they don't seem to fear him at all, if he can watch them without notice. And the last line doesn't seem to make a lot of sense either. He "makes people want he wants them to be"? What does that mean?

This is littered with grammatical errors, many parts don't make sense, and all-in-all it doesn't make much of a story. I think you should extend this, weed it out for mistakes and develop a plot, even if it's a small one. Good luck, and KEEP WRITING!

Tiger

It was interesting. I really liked it because it felt raw. There is a few punctuation errors that I wont get into because I am pretty bad at that too haha. But like Tiger said, I think that if you add some more and polish this piece up it will be a great short story. Nicely done and keep writing!!

Hi there ATreeah.

Alright, so being very short there might not be a lot to say. We'll see.

I think this is very confusing, even for something so short and I think that that is mostly due to a few repeated errors throughout the whole thing. Below, I've listed a few things that I suggest you focus on generally in writing and also just as specifically for this story, Little Boy.

A) Contractions, possessives and plurals. So, to get back to basics, a contraction in the English language is when two words are combined (examples: don't, won't, didn't). A possessive is when we add an apostrophe 'S' to a word, thus describing who has what (examples: Lucy's, Canada's, dog's). The possessive form is often confused with plurals, so beware! Yes, plurals: things like 'cats' or 'girls'. Usually, mostly, plurals only apply to nouns and rarely proper nouns such as places and people. Anyway, enough of the basics. Let's get to what I'm saying here: there are a lot of mistakes among those three categories. I think you can easily pick them out yourself - it's just a matter of knowing which is which and that is not very hard either. Just keep the three close to you and always in your head when you're writing

B) Fragmented sentences. So, fragmented sentences are used frequently in creative writing as a way of free expression and to create a specific kind of impressing atmosphere. Fragmented sentences are, usually, quite acceptable in writing that isn't formal, like essays, for example. However, there are limitations and, unfortunately, your short piece is one for the obvious reason: it's so short. Also, the majority of your sentences have shown to be fragmented and it's hard for readers to grasp the meaning of the story, no matter how long or short it is. In something so short, I suggest you steer away from the fragmented sentences and write much more formulated and grammatically correct things. It will also lengthen your story.

There's not much I can say. I mean, so short and quick, it doesn't give people much to review - but that's not a bad thing either. Nevertheless, I encourage you to write longer things to hold an audience for much more time as well. I'm like Switzerland with this now - there isn't much to stay and thus I am unsure whether to like it or dislike it. The one thing that might annoy me is the grammar. It's an area you might want to work a little more time with. However, it was decent.

Yours,
Lavvie

Ok just so we know the score guys .... yes punctuation is horrid....thats cause i wrote it on my black berry .......now we can all make piece with it