Young Writers Society

The feeling when his sight went out could only be compared to the loss of a best friend or family member. The pain was temporary, but the loss of something used to so often, something so necessary to his very existence that the thought of not having it wasn't comprehendible. He screamed, of course. It wasn't conscious, but a beastly sound that was ripped from his body.
His captor laughed an insane cackle. It fit, because the being had to be completely out of its mind to do something like this to him. A knife in its hand dripped white and red, but he couldn't see it. However, the man was trained enough to smell it, and hear it. “Does it hurt? Can you feel it?” The coo was little more than a whisper in his right ear. Its breath was cold, and it sent shivers up his spine even more than the idea of what it would to do him later did.
The world had been tipped upside down. That was the only explanation for him being the captive, when it had just been in their hands, bound and gagged.
There was no more time to think, as his voice was the next to go. This time he couldn't scream, but he was already in a state of adrenaline so the pain wasn't nearly as bad.
“I'm going to strip you of everything you have,” it spoke again with that quiet, bloodcurdling voice. “The same way you did to us.”
The knife was warm with his blood as it ripped through his skin, once through each palm. He finally understood what it was doing: taking away each of his senses. It was an elegant way to murder, but disgusting at the same time.
“Do you regret it?” The monster spoke loudly this time, close to a yell. “Do you?!” It was going hysterical in its insanity.
He barely felt the punch into his nose that sent him sprawling.
“If you regret it, prostrate yourself before me, and maybe I'll spare your life!” It screamed.
He would not. He was dead as it was: it wouldn't take his honor as well.
“Then you will die like we did! Our children! Our women! Those you made slaves for your so-called pride: for your greed!”
After the fifth and final swipe of the knife, two men were left. One was dead, the other was weeping.

The knife was warm with his blood as it ripped through his skin, once through each palm. He finally understood what it was doing: taking away each of his senses, or as close as he could. It was an elegant way to murder, but disgusting at the same time

This is my favorite part I love this story

This was quite a morbid story, but I rather liked it. The idea of killing someone one sense at a time is something I'd never heard in a story before, so bravo on that. It was a very poetic murder. I just have a couple of suggestions that you may or may not find valid:

#1
"There was no more time to think, as his voice was the next to go. This time he couldn't scream, but he was already in a state of adrenaline so the pain wasn't nearly as bad."

I just think that this part was a little rushed, because for the other senses, you spend a little more time describing what is happening, and in this instance, you sort of just skip right over it. I think it interrupts the smoothness and continuity of the story.

#2
"He finally understood what it was doing: taking away each of his senses, or as close as he could"

I think that you could do without the "or as close as he could" part, because it is grammatically awkward and incomplete. Also, it takes away from the solidity of the man's horrific realization regarding the monster's intentions. He finally understood what the monster was DOING, not what the monster was kinda sorta TRYING to do.

Those are my only two critiques. My favourite part was the last line of the story. To me, it seems as though this line turns the entire story a little sideways, so that the identities of the "man" and the "monster" become muddled. It makes me think that maybe the good and evil in this story aren't as black as white as they appear in the beginning. Perhaps that's just the way I'm reading into it, but even so, it was a very intriguing story.

Thanks for the good read :)

Thank you for noticing the end! I purposely wrote this for two reasons: the first was to show that war and hatred are horrible and hurt both sides, and the other was to show (as you pointed out) that there's always two sides to a war and usually it's both sides - there's not a 'black and white'.
Also, I'm thankful for your critique, but I'll only use the second one. The reason is that I was going for the effect that the story slowly switches POVs. It starts out as the soldier (the 'Man') and then his descriptions and emotions become more vague as it sort of switches over to the 'Beast'. I didn't, however, have the audience get into the beast's head by description, rather I did it by speaking. So basically, the spoken words are the beast, and the descriptions are the soldier.
Lastly, thank you for reading the story!

That was amazing. I loved the imagery you put in it and I especially like the way that you made the "Beast" talk to him. It gave me chills when I read it. I had to go back and read again because it was so good haha.
Great piece, I hope to see more from you!

A short and sweet opening. Several parts were somewhat confusing, but most of the peice was well done. It opens with an exciting scene, which is a good tactic for drawing your reader in, and the peice as a whole was very descriptive in terms of what the characters were doing, and a little on how they were feeling, but it was lacking in the description of the surroundings. I was forced to imagine where this was, and what everything looked like, so I hope you don't mind that I picked a generic dark dungeon with mold and chains on the wall. If this was not what you wanted it to look like, you should have specified thet via description of the setting. On a final note, while I have a greater appriciation for your final sentence after reading people's comments and your own explanation of it, it took me a good ten or fifteen seconds to understand what it meant. You can feel free to keep it as it is, but if you want people to understand it in any less than ten seconds, I might consider revising it.
your friend,
---Psudiname

First, thank you for reading this! I don't write a lot, so it's fun to see what other people think when I do.
Second, I left a lot out on purpose. This was written vaguely to concentrate on what I wanted it to, which were the characters. I also like making people think and imagine for themselves (I don't like movies very much for that reason), so that you picked a dungeon for the scene is perfectly fine. Lastly, I'll restate that I like making people think. It's not meant for quick reading, but to be read and reread and find deeper meaning within.