Young Writers Society

It was scorching hot, a typical African summer day. My wife and I were waiting for the bus to take us back to my hometown. Thankfully we happened to find a huge tree where we enjoyed its shade, away from the burning sun.

While we were joking and having fun, Pamela noticed a tied, long-haired, old goat in the back of a small truck. Because of her tremendous love and care for animals, she sensed that the poor goat was starving. She went straight to it, caressed his salt and pepper face, then grabbed some leaves protruding over the fence and gently fed him.

The goat, starving to death, ate the entire branch in the blink of an eye. Consequently, she continued to replenish his delicious lunch.

What I found astonishing was the intimate bond between her and the new four-legged friend. As she was feeding him, she addressed the goat saying :"Lift your leg, lift your leg". The goat apparently did so.

She told me " Do you see how even animals understand like humans"?
I replied, smiling : " No, no he was just bothered by flies".
She repeated her command once again, amazingly, the poor old goat lifted his leg higher trying to shake her hand, as if telling me animals have feelings and emotions too. His gesture was a way of disproving my disbelief.

My whole being was overtaken by the scene. It was a depiction of the extraordinary relationship between an animal and a human being.
So whenever you see a woman petting a goat in the middle of the street do not mistake her for a shallow Tunisian.

the end

Noureddine

You're story is wonderful. It is pointless, but full of metaphors. Its shortness makes it even better. The final sentence was the best. On the other hand, I have quite the few pointers to you. You need to work on your punctuation my friend, I corrected what I could see. Hopefully, I will not offend you. Here are what I found:

noticed a tied, long-haired, old goat

Since when do we use 'he' and 'she' for goats? Its grammatically incorrect my friend, no matter how cute an animal seems, no matter how deep the relationship is with it, always use 'it'.

She went straight to him, caressed his salt and pepper face

care for animals, she sensed

caressed his salt and pepper face, then grabbed some leaves

branch in a the blink of an eye

Consequently, she continued to replenish

four- legged four-legged

As she was feeding him, she addressed

" do "Do you see

I replied smiling :" no, smiling: "No, no

this was a pretty good story. however, i wonder how this was put in the action and adventure section. I guess you tried to explain the relationships some people have with animals, but i sort of don't understand it. I guess it IS pretty pointless, but anyways, you could put this in a book about relationships with animals.
Plus, you need to describe much MUCH much more. That's what my English teacher would tell you. I myself think of descriptions necessary to help the reader actually picture the scene.

great job and KEEP WRITING!!!
Kat