Young Writers Society

ONe time my neighbor (will) came over and we were well lets say "fixing" his bike and we were spraying it down with spray paint. He was spraying the handle bars when I wasnt looking and he sprayed his eye.

I did that with perfume once. I was trying to spray my wrist, but the thing was turned around and I sprayed my eyes.

Poor Will.

Oh god I hate it when that happens.

Must burn like hell.

Wow.

we were well lets say "fixing" his bike

The vagueness of this makes it sound like a euphemism ...

*cough* Anyway. I sprayed my cat once, but it did knock all my just primed models off the dustbin ...

Yes it does sound rather odd, but is that just our English humour?

This has to be one of the most exciting stories I've ever read in my life!
Let me fix the grammar however

One time my neighbor (Will) came over and we were, well lets say, "fixing" his bike and we were spraying it down with spray paint. He was spraying the handle bars when I wasnt looking and he sprayed his eye.

BRAVO!

You didn't really fix the grammar that well, considering there are actually two missed apostrophes (let's, wasn't), and the "well" in your correction could easily be taken out, and "Will" should not be in brackets and should be just placed with commas before and after. Also, he uses the verb spray wayyy too much. But hey, I thought that wasn't the point!

Oh dear. I was riveted the whole way through this epic masterpiece. Truly visionary work. Bravo.

NICE

*Tears of joy stream down my face*

I was a little confused by the word "bike". I found it a bit ambigious as there are bikes one can ride, and the company bike that makes jock straps. let me just say certian people *glares at brother and his friend* decided to have show and tell so I learned far more than I needed to. Also, "fixing one's bike" the euphanism, is a bit disturbing. Just double check the grammar, and work on that ambiguity a bit, and you're good to go!

I too was confused at the use of the word "bike." The word "eye" also seemed somewhat ambiguous.

Other than those two minor errors, I found this to be an emotional and profound recording of an everyday occurance that now seems to be anything but ordinary. A beautifully, poetic, moving piece.

Personally I thought it was a bit rubbish. There's no character development: you've given us characters and expected us to understand them straight away. I'm also confused about the purpose of the piece? Is it comedy? Is it supposed to evoke sympathy? Maybe you should make it more clear.

I got bored of the sarcasm that people always use

How do you come up with these brilliant ideas? The actions, the verbs, magnificent!

You'll be the next J.K. Rolling!

-Jared

Wow tha must of hurt. I would run straight inside and into the washroom to wash it out as i am a=saying ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow Thw WHOLE time.

Whats with the you were "fixing" the bike???

anyways thatr all.

TREE