Young Writers Society

Last time.. our adventurers were transported from the Krom warehouse into...

and they are just awakening from their experience.


Talen awoke, his head was throbbing and felt sheets over his lower body.

Was he in a hospital, or maybe he was back home and it was all a dream.

He opened his eyes and saw neither assumption was correct. He looked up and first and then around.

The ceiling looked like woven wood. It smelled of daises and he could hear breathing upon himself.

He sat up and saw he was in a medium sized room. It was packed with everything. There was a book shelf,

apparatus which looked like it was a television. Another bed and an area for cooking.In a corner of the

room where a pile of wiggling cloth. Most distinctly was the humming coming for an odd looking woman. This

old woman was humming just like a bee, she was knitting a golden like cloth. Talen looked this woman up

and down. She was pale and short, but her nose was long and gray. Talen could see something fluttering

behind her. It was blue wings as clear as crystal.

All for Talen knew he wasn't on Earth anymore.
" well bello,belcome to Carantara..I'm Lady Jepson."The Lady looked up and saw she was wearing large

yellow glasses with yellow eyes behind.

"really?I want to go home now... I am not up for being killed!"Talen spat and stood up. He heard a scream

as the blanket fell off of him. It came from the blanket,Talen looked down and saw a face in the blanket.
" Gahhh!" He shouted.
"master do not need to be afraid- well, you should of her!" The blanket spat.
"silence or I'll bburn youb". Interrupted the woman.
" I need answers..."Talen started ." what the heck is this place".
" It is everything and anyone of dreams".
" how did you find me?" Talen asked, stepped towards a door clutching the blanket.
" ohh, there was a large crash in my daisy patch, some type of castle. When I came to investigate ,it sprouted legs and ran off." She put down her knitting pin and got up.
" it sprouted legs and just took off?!" Talen backed up.
" I found you among my daisies,tipsy"the woman came closer.
" you see any others?"Talen backed up more with the lady closing in.
"sure.. 3 more, and blond haired one,a black haired one and a brown haired one,...bbb"The lady held up a golden weaved robe.
" try it on." the old lady said.
" I say don't" interrupted the blanket whose face was near Talen's chest" you'll become a blanket!"

"umm no!" shouted Talen and he sped out the room.
He heard the old woman mutter,"mistake".
Talen ran as fast as he could carrying the blanket.
First of all he was in a daisy field, he looked up, the sky was a multitude of light colors and several

moons hung in the sky. Every time he bushed by a daisy he heard a yelp, and another.
He wanted to stop, but he couldn't for all he knew the bee-person,Lady Jespon, could be a big bee after
him.
He came to a rock that was sapphire mixed with cobalt. In the middle of it was the leather green
handle of a sword. Though this was no pebble, it was at least 12 feet, about more than 3 times his size.

He was no climber ,but he would have to, unless he wanted to be a blanket!
He heard buzzing," bbbzz little boy! Don't you want to be a blanket for Lady Jepson."
He heard as he climb up the rock. He was towards the top when the buzzing was right behind him .
"There you are, you shallbb diebbb, when I burn your blanket!" Talen reached the top and saw he was seeing

a mass of bees all speaking.
" holly mother.." he yelped.
It was now or never, he ran to the sword and grabbed on the sword. It came straight out, it was a green handled sword with a dark green/light green flame. The pain came after, his hand glowed green and he yelped. The pain stopped and now there was a green like seed embed on its palm.His mother was going to kill him when he returned to earth.
There he was standing against a swarm of bees that was an enity.
"BZZZZZZZZ" yelped the bees as they launched at him and he swung.
Talen saw as he hit threw the bees and straight into a pulsing yellow heart.Golden blood spattered

everywhere.,
Lady Jepson then appeared clutching her chest,"noo.. who is going to take care of the daisies!"
Talen stood back and the lady imploded into white and blue dust.
He had killed the lady, the thing. He had killed something for real.

First off, I think its a good concept but the story it's self is very confusing. You talk about you last adventure and how you were transported some where else, but you don't say where you were transported or how you got there. Also I don't know if you meant to do this on purpose or if the computer did it automatically but you don't need to put a space in between each line, that just makes it harder as the reader to read and understand what you are trying to talk about. Another thing is you go through the story very quickly. Did you MC land on the other world with other people? Was he left behind? What happen to the other people? And if I understood correctly the castle grew legs and stood up and walked away? It all happens very fast. Also you talk about the blanket talking. Was the blanket once a person? And you say that the daisies also speak. Where they also once people? And is Lady Jepson a bee her self or a group of bee's? I don't really understand the idea behind her. And you need to be more descriptive! But I think its a good concept. Keep writing!