Young Writers Society

When Zombies Attack
In the year 2021 a zombie outbreak happened in London, England. These are the survivors and this is there story. Before I talk about the outbreak lets see what happened lets see what they were doing at that time.

There were 4 collage students that were best friends. There names were Bob (me), Francis, Luis, and Zoey. They hung out a lot. On the last night before the zombie outbreak happened they were at Bob’s and Francis’ dorm. They were playing a videogame called Dead Rising 2. It’s where a bunch of zombies get loose in Las Vegas. The humans had them under control for a game for who can kill the most zombies.
The dorm had some cool stuff in it. Bob had a katana on the wall for looks but It was real and Francis had his favorite gun on the wall. An AK-47. I don’t know how he got that in here but I don’t want to ask.
A couple hours later we got hungry so we ordered a pizza. When the pizza man came to our door i opened it. He looked really messed up. His skin had patches and he was green. When i tried to grab the pizza he almost bit me. I slammed the door really hard but the pizza man was knocking it down. When he finally ripped it apart Francis started stabing him with a umbrella. I told him "WHAT ARE YOU DOING"! He said "IM STABBING HIM WITH AN UMBRELLA WHATS IT LOOK LIKE"! He killed the pizza man in about 5min. There was blood all over our bed and wall. We had to get out off our dorm fast.
When we all got in my truck we started to think where to go. Right when we were thinking a man jumps on top of the car smearing blood on my windshield. I clicked into reverse and went flying out of the parking lot. Zoey said "That was a close one" Everyone started to agree with her. When we were talking Francis suggested that we went to the mall.

So when were driving to the mall we see people eating other people we were so horrified. We really didn’t know what was going on. There were some police shooting people but they wouldn’t go down. That’s when Louis said "They're zombies". At first we were like WTF but then when we saw all these human eating creatures we came to our senses they were ZOMBIES.

I cant believe it but we made it to the mall. There was a lot of panic in there. People running from zombies. Zombies’ running at people it was complete madness. We took shelter in a Dicks Sporting Goods. They had mans best friend on the wall there. No not dogs. GUNS. We grabbed good expensive guns and some bullets. We ran through the mall onto the roof where we would be safe for awhile. Before we went up to the roof we grabbed guns, bullets, food, and lots and lots of water. We fought our way up the stairs but we made it.

We waited up on the roof for about 2 days before we decided to leave. We planed out where to go and not to go. Just then while we were planning a zombie randomly appears and Francis kills him with a rock without sweating. We were shocked in amazement. He said "What I've killed a lot of things in my life". When that incident happened we decided to hit the road. I said "Next stop.......... Buckingham Palace.

We made it out of the mall without ease the problem was outside. There were hundreds of them out there. We tried making it to our car but we had to fight about 40 zombies. When we made it to the car I floored it out of the parking lot. Zoey said "I think other places might be infected to". Luis said "Yeah maybe but i hope not we need a safe place to live". After that it was silent.

On the way to the palace there were cars scattered everywhere. We even saw a plane on the highway!! We went slowly in case of abandoned cars and zombies. I knew that we all wished that this never happened. We wish we were back in our dorm playing videogames and eating pizza. It’s hard living in a Zombieland.


We finally made it to Buckingham Palace. The place is still amazing even though there are zombies everywhere. First on our list was to clear the courtyard. We grabbed our guns and got out of the car. We opened fire on the first zombie we saw. When we shot the first bullet it was like a zombie whistle. Every zombie that was near the courtyard came running toward us. We busted down the doors of the palace we fought our way up the stairs. Right when we made it to the top Zoey tripped and fell down the stairs into a pile of zombies. They grabbed her legs and arms and ripped them off. We could here the blood curdling screams of her. We said our prayers to Zoey as we ran into the dining room.

When we made it into the dining room we went behind a huge table for cover. When the zombie busted the door down hundreds of them came running in. We fired at zombies and see if we got lucky killing them. Soon they overcame us. The first to go down was Luis last time I looked at him his head was ripped off. The second was me. They ripped open my stomach and ate my guts. The last was Francis he killed the rest of the zombies but he didn’t see the one behind him. The zombie grabbed his neck and bit down on his jugular. Blood split everywhere.

That was the story of Bob, Francis, Luis, and Zoey. The infection quickly went to other places. The last place to be infected was America. People didn’t rule the earth anymore this planet was one big Zombieland. There might be survivors but I highly doubt it. I just wish the world would be normal again…………..

The End

Hi! I suppose I might as well be the one to give a brief review, since I am a huge fan of Left 4 Dead - obviously obvious as it is - I contribute a lot to the wiki's so please ask me for any game info you might need. I feel though, this story would be best posted in the fanfiction section, as it is very closely based on Left 4 Dead (character names, although I did 'lol' at Bob... because Bill is a useless 'nam vet anyway).

The problem with this piece is the style in which you wrote it. Reading it, you'd think this was more suited to a blog post, if you get what I mean. The structure and depth of detail (or rather the skin and bones you've given it) make it feel a little flat: for example, We know nothing about these characters except their names and the fact they're college students.

Try expanding and giving your characters more depth. The four survivors from L4D are perfect examples of relatable and common characters. Since you've taken the names, you could just as well use the personalities and make this a good fanfiction piece. Also, perhaps instead of giving a defeatist 'They got eaten by zombies' ending, you could provide a more in-depth ending, such as 'The Sacrifice' comic (one survivor gives his/her life to let the others escape to safety, etc. etc.)

One glaring flaw I saw was the presence of weaponry. We'll just assume we are in the UK here, as the text suggests:
It's illegal to own an operating pistol without a license, let alone a fully operational AK-47.
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So, there you have it. Please don't take this negatively, as I want to see you rewrite and expand on it. I love reading L4D pieces and zombie fiction in general. Just add some depth, to plot and to characters, and you'll be hunting reviews in no time. Heck, you might even get a 25-damage pounce.

You definitely need a lot of work on your structure. I think your problem is "You write like you speak"
While this may be okay in some cases, this sounds like you're telling your best friend about that one time you got eaten by zombies.

Secondly, There are more plot holes than I can count. An AK-47 isn't legal in UK, let alone in a COLLEGE. A katana is questionable but I'm not too great on European laws on martial weaponry. How would the main character (you) be able to know everything after being eaten? Everything should fade to black, loss of consciousness includes not being able to tell what's happening around you. So If you died, how would you know how the others died? Or what the last country to be infected was? (which, by the way would most likely be an isolated country or state like Hawaii or Madagascar)

Overall, this piece looks like you played too many Zombie games (Left 4 dead, Dead rising, E.T.C) and typed up a quick story with no editing what so ever...

I don't want to seem too rude, but this piece looks like no effort or thought was put into it.

I have a lot of other critiques, but I'm afraid I'll come off as nit picky and hostile.