Young Writers Society

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Gheala!

What a pleasure to read more of your work so soon!

II have nothing negative to say about this scene. It was a nice blend of description and dialogue, and I like Selim here. He's quite sympathetic and strong in here.

Bravo! Nicely executed, this scene, great job!

Tanya

Seriously? Seriously? O.O
Yaaaay! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I can't believe there is nothing negative about this and I think my heart stopped for a second when I read your comment!! I'm so very happyy!!

Hey Gheala! I'm here to do a review for you! ^___^
So yeah, again I probably wont' have much to say but I'll do my best to give you some sort of helpful review. Whatever it may be but don't expect much. Your writing is usually always good and I get a headache from trying to force out helpful thoughts here and there.

I couldn’t comprehend why he was speaking in such a manner, for he had never spoken of her so brutally careless.

The last part of this sentences doesn't make much sense to me, actually. Perhaps a rewording could be used in this situation?
Um, like... "spoken of her so brutally careless before." I just think it sounds better but I dunno. I think something is missing but I can't remember what the name of that word is...or thing. :/ *Is already off to a bad start.*

he corrected, poking my chest once with his forefinger and gave me a warning look when I showed my anger at that move

Again, I feel like it's becoming just a tad bit over wordy again.
More at the last part of this. You could actually just cut out 'at that move'.
Now, this could just be me looking into it too much since I want to say something or I could be right. I think you should skim this and double check however because reviewers aren't always right. -__-
Teehee.

I was jealous at how good he seemed to be now, how healthy he looked and vivid even the color of his skin was

Perhaps a twist of the word order?
"-looked and even how vivid the color of his skin was.

“I will do everything I could so you wouldn’t join your mother beneath the dirt. I don’t want your skin to be that cold.

Tense error me thinks. Easy fix, indeed. ^_^

Overall, I felt emotion in this. It was, as your writing always is, wonderfully put together and amazing descriptions that I always learn from and smile upon. Seriously, your writing teaches me things and makes me understand or put together things that I never thought about before. So yeah, reading your pieces always help me - super, huh? I'm just saying that I always love reading your excerpts and pieces. There's a part of me that also wishes that you'd write some different things too so I can experience other genres that you're capable of but it seems that a lot of your time is being put forth into this novel and I must say, it's coming along quite well. Keep at it!

So there weren't many things wrong with this piece. I just picked out a few that I thought maybe you should look over but yeah...it's not much. See? I keep running out of things to say. Just keep an eye out for little wording errors. You're not the only one, it's me too. But I'm worse, I actually 'skip' words because my mind things faster than I type and I type as I think so there's a problem with me there. lololol

Anyway! Keep writing and let me know if you have any questions or what not! I'll be happy to help out in whatever way.

All the best,
-Pink
^.^)b

Nice hook - entire piece had a lot of drama. I'm sure that you were aiming to inflict emotion, so good job in that sense! Don't get too caught up in using a thesaurus and finding big words. Sometimes being wordy cuts away a sense of relatability the reader can have with the story and also flow. Remember that using words in their basic, raw essence can be very effective, too.

Pink! I had no idea that you reviewed, girl! Thank you, thank you!
Thanks, Repair. I'm so happy you liked it.

You guys make me hopeful