Young Writers Society

She must have dosed off because before she knew it, the sun had sunk low in the sky. Gillia saw dark unfriendly looking clouds gathering in the distance.
Good thought Gillia, if anyone's still chaseing me the rain will surley send them home.I wonder who saved me she thought to herself She took one last drink, then started the long road home.Behind her she heard footsteps running towards her. She turned around slowly, afraid of who she might see.

An Isrealite boy and girl were running to her, thier faces were red and covered with sweat.

The girl who she reconized as Rea (her Isrealite friend) called to her, "Gillia get indoors!"

"What?" shouted Gillia.

"Get inside" yelled the deep voiced boy.

It was the same deep voice that Gillia had heard when she was rescued.

"Why" called Gillia, she was shocked that she had found her rescuer.By this time Rea and the boy had reached her and were pulling her towards the city.

"What are you doing?" cried Gillia. Rea blew a strip of her long curly brown hair out of her wonderfully golden face.

"Moses went to see the pharoh agian," said Rea darkly. Gillia stopped in her tracks. Years ago Moses was a prince. He had apparently commited a crime and ran away some years ago. A few months ago he had come back with a special request to free the slaves. The pharoh said a big all time NO to that. Now everytime Moses asked the pharoh to "let his people go," and the pharoh declined, and something bad happened. In the past it had been that they were swarmed by gnats,flies, even frogs! Gillia shuddered at that thought. Water turning to blood was the first thing that had happened. Gillia had tried wine for the first time then, it was the only thing they had to drink. The latest plague were these awful boils that broke out on thier skin and became sores. Almost every Egyptian had delt with those. Even the thought of them made Gillia itch.

"What's going to happen this time?" asked Gillia afriad of the answer.

"We're not positive" said the boy "we think it's a hail storm."

"Hush" said Rea "we don't know that for certain and who knows who might be listening!"

"Hail?" Gillia almost laughed.

"That's not bad at all!"

"That's what you said about the frogs," scoffed Rea with much less humor to her voice.

"God is not to be taken lightly, if there is going to be a hail storm it's going to be bad," she said staring at Gillia with wide eyes. "Hurry we have to get somewhere safe before Moses decides it's time to let the sky fall in,"urged the boy.

"One question first," Gillia replied "are you the one who threw the scarlet blanket over the soldiers head so I could escape?"

"The name's Codian and yes I did."

"Why did you help me? You don't even know me!" she asked.

"Because God tells us to love our enemies," said Codian.

"But Gillia is NOT the enemy," said Rea as she started for the city.

"But how did you know I needed help" she pressed.

"I get around," he said revealing a toothy smile.

"Alright let's go!" said Rea earnestly.

Mkay, well, I also reviewed the first part of this story, and I kinda wanted to review this to. Now, I was curios and also read, Gillia's God 3. All i have to say is that this story might have been better if you just tied in all three posts together. Seeing how each post wasn't too long, it wouldn't have mattered if put all of them in one post. I enjoy the idea of the story, and where it's based is interesting. It just kind of confuses me on how you talked about the "rah" god and others in the first part and then you mention Moses who is a follower of God, so during that time wouldn't they only believe in one god? That was just something i noticed, and sorry if you plan on writing more and explain that. Now, time for me to scrutinize.

Gillia saw dark, unfriendly looking clouds

Need a comma after dark

Good, thought Gillia

comma after good

The girl who she reconized as Rea -(her Isrealite friend)- called to her

You should swap out the parentheses for hyphens.

"Get inside," yelled the deep voiced boy.

"Why," called Gillia

Comma after why

Now, everytime Moses asked asks the pharoh to "let his people go," and the pharoh declined declines, and something bad happenedhappens.

So, first off, comma after now. i'm a stickler for commas, they help the sentence flow. Since you are talking about "now" things need to be presents tense like with asks, and declines. "and" is bold because it is a unneeded word.

So, i noticed there were more places you didn't but commas after quotes. You did it in other places though so that means you are just rushing, don't. There is no point to rushing. I also think that there should be a bit more between Gillia and Codian. I mean, he did save her from the soldier. Anyway, yeah, don't be afraid to add lots of detail and stretch a story out. So yeah, i like the idea and theme. Keep on writing.

I like it. I like the story as a whole, but it does need a lot of work. You have quite a few spelling errors that NSND missed but I like the introduction of Moses to give us an idea of the era it's set in.

She must have dosed off.

Dozed, as in sleep, not dosed as in gave a dose to.

if anyone's still chaseing me the rain will surley send them home.

Chasing shouldn't have an 'e', and surely is misspelled.

The pharoh said a big all time NO to that

. Pharaoh should not only have an a, but a capital as well.

Almost every Egyptian had delt with those.

Dealt. It needs an 'a'.

Apart from that, and the grammatical errors NSND pointed out, it was pretty good!

P.S. NoSleepNoDreams? Ra was the Egyptian Sun God, commonly associated with Horus who he kind of merged with in later Egypt. The 'God' that Moses belives in is the same God that Jews believe in, as Moses and the Israelites were The first Jews.

Roo