Young Writers Society

It's really short the comp I entered it in was for 50 words max and I won and got it published in a book so I just decided to put it on here out of boardem thankyou!


They shot at her, bang, bang, bang missing her by inches. She ran at the speed of light, jumping behind cars and buildings; broken glass raining over her, cutting her face. She ran up the stairs of a deserted building but came to a dead end. Her life was over.


And that's it!!

hehe, and that's why they call it a short story! Cool! What book did you get it published in? It's great!

- Jessie

Heya Rebel!
This competition, is it from the Young Writers website? I was wondering, because I entered a few comps there which had the same sort of process. Anyway, moving onto the review.

rebelinsilence wrote:
They shot at her, bang, bang, bang I love the opening, but you missed a comma missing her by inches. She ran at the speed of light, jumping behind cars and buildings; broken glass raining over her, cutting her face. She ran up the stairs of a deserted building but came to a dead end. Her life was over. I was thinking more of a :Could she escape? But don't change it if you don't want to

I think for a teeny, tiny story this is great. Its a little hard to suggest improvements, because that would mean adding stuff on, and you can't do that.

Congrats on getting published, keep writing!

~Tamara
xx

This was more of a abstract story to me. Very generalized and allows the to draw his or her own story. Although it did not flow in the way of events but glass shattering guns shooting and then a dead end. I liked it don't get me wrong. But it is a completed work no need to edit.

Hi firstly that was good because you knew you couldn't go into huge amounts of detail, and you got it spot on you didn't rush through it saying " she ran behind cars and hit a dead end" you actually put an image into my head.

Well done

that was good!!! nicely done!! it's just makes me sad though that she couldn't just whip out a claymore and blast them all *BOOM!!!*

AWESOME!!! I actually felt sad when i read the last sentence. I knew nothing about the MC, but her death makes me sad. i like that. I really like that. This is the definition of short story.

short but sure. I like it you deserve applause for how much feeling you can put into your work with a few sentences. A part of being a writer that we have yet to master. But you did.

I like it. As short as it is, I find it interesting. It sounds like an interesting contest. Congratulations on being published!

-Liz