Young Writers Society

I only wish I could click love instead of like.

This is incredibly moving! Its so frikin' amazing!

Hey! This is an amazing story. You got me hooked up to the story right from the beginning. The way you have described the scenes is good too. Though, you could have added a bit more details in areas like why wanted to commit suicide, what led him to take that drastic decision even though he had a very healthy relationship with his mother. A few grammatical mistakes, but the other reviewers have already pointed that out. So, good work!

Hey! So I know you have lots of reviews I only have one grammatical error

I had travelled all the way across the city and decided to go home the long way, around the central city leisure park, across the east gate bridge and through the industrial wastelands.

Thats all!

-Boo

I totally love this story, it got me hooked from the very start. It's the kind you would want to read a dozen times over. I wonder if this is part of a novel or something and i would like to know what actually was the character's motive for suicide.

Oh my god! This was so good! I started reading and I was just.. (Ah, fun, another boring, lame, suicide) Then the story just took such a twist and.. oh, delightful! It's always great to read a sad story with a hopeful ending When it comes to the text there were few grammatic errors which is good, and I like your style overall DD

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I thought it was very intriguing. The characters were coloured very well. I though all together it was a nice story. Though, I think the ending was a little mushed.

-Love the Mysterious Sign Painter
*World of Goo*

I'm not big on correcting because English isnt my best subject, but shouldnt it be 'You too son'?? I dont know really, but over all a realllly gooood story!

This story amazes me. It's very well written, with a great plot and rather great dialogue. I'm used to stories that, at one point or another, announce the names of the main characters, but your story is a special occasion, considering how well you played it out. Grammatical errors have already been pointed out, so no use in me repeating everyone else.

Overall, this was an amazing piece, and I'm a little disappointed that there won't be an add-on. Please, by all means, if you ever change your mind about the "no add-ons" thing, please please please! Let me know. I'd love to read more to this.

Overall, liked it very much, especially the short conversation with his mom, it was the thing that touched me in this story.
What I didn't like is that the guy wants to commit suicide, but his quite cheerful about it, he should be depressed, full of self-hate and despise.
you also wrote:

There’s nothing left for a crook like me

Why is he a crook? I didn't get that part to well.

Your story had kept me reading and not alot of stories have that affect. However, You didnt go in much details on why that man wanted to commit suicide. It left me clueless but it made me want to read more. I liked the irony. The guy in the story turned from suicidal to completely happy because the girl repay him for saving his life.

Hey there,
It was a pleasure reading your story. I have learnt some things from you as a writer. Even though its a simple plot you managed to hook the readers. That's the thing I like. Anyways keep writing

All the best