Young Writers Society

“It’s your turn Kirsten, truth, Dare, Donkey dare, Love, kiss, Life?” I shouted with excitement!

“Um Truth” Kirsten whispered to me I could tell that she didn’t like to be the centre of attention. The only reason why she joins in is because everyone else does. It’s not as if these dares are like dangerous or anything. They are just ways to find out gossip.

“Oh no here comes the head, quickly hide the bottle and get out the classroom”, Jack shouted, Jack’s my ex. We went out after a game of spin the bottle but it was also spin the bottle that ended it. The head always comes round every lunch time to check that everyone is outside and that no one made any mess when they eat, and today was no exception. So I walked out of the classroom with Sarah as usual. Sarah’s my best friend we spend all our time together. But before too long we had to walk in again for it was lesson time again.

“Maths and double biology” I cried. I hated lessons especially maths.

We play spin the bottle every lunch time. It’s a class thing. We never do anything stupid though. We’re not that kind of people. Our school is normal. It’s actually really boring nothing ever happens here.

Hi,
Since your piece was kind of short, I can't help you much, but I did find some errors;

“It’s your turn Kirsten, truth, Dare, Donkey dare, Love, kiss, Life?” I shouted with excitement!

I would try making this into two sentences. "It's your turn Kirsten. Truth, dare"...
Also I wouldn't put an exclamation point after excitement, it doesn't fit.

“Um Truth”

Comma after "Um"

"Kirsten whispered to me I could tell that she didn’t like to be the centre"

Needs a comma after "to me". Also did you mean center?

"Jack shouted, Jack’s my ex."

This phrase didn't sound right, I would try changing it a bit.

"The head always comes round every lunch time to check that everyone is outside and that no one made any mess when they eat, and today was no exception."

This line starts a new paragraph.

"Sarah’s my best friend we spend all our time together."

You need a comma after "friend".

"But before too long we had to walk in again for it was lesson time again."

I wouldn't but again in the same sentence twice.

"I hated lessons especially maths."

Comma after "lessons".

"It’s actually really boring nothing ever happens here."

Comma after "boring".

~Tayla