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(Malevolence.) Their Reaching Claws



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Fri May 01, 2009 6:10 pm
EmmaJane says...



I grabbed Iena’s hand and pulled her away. With a cry she stumbled after me, clutching at my hand so hard it hurt. I pushed desperately at the heavy oak door and it slammed against the marble with a terrible loud crash.
I heard the man hollering. He was laughing and giving wild howls. I did not look behind me yet he sounded so close! I felt I would never know the release of Fear’s icy claws around my pounding heart.
We ran on the marble slabs which lined the courtyard and the pool so fast we slipped a number of times. Iena fell to her knees twice. Frantically I would reach down with both arms and yank her to her feet, screaming at her to hurry.
I heard the sharp neighing of the horses. The screams of the slaves as the men cut them down. The crackling flames drawing closer to us, gaining strength as they devoured our house. I still could make out the man’s crazed laughter. The other men’s triumphant war cries as they slaughtered the slaves.
The flames started to tower over us. Looming like an immense wave about to crash down on us and devour our bodies. Great plumes of smoke started to spread out around us. Iena and I began to choke as we ran. We doubled over in an attempt to escape the worst of the smoke and the men’s attention.
I tugged hard on Iena’s hand. Being the youngest she kept falling behind and slowing us down. She was trying to stifle her sobs by pressing one of her hands against her mouth. The muffled sound she made because of that was even worse than the sobbing.
I peered ahead to where the entrance to the house must be. I could not make it out. The smoke hovered in the air like a thick black mist, blocking out anything which I could use to gauge how far Iena and I had to go. It stung my eyes, making them water. Tears streamed down my terrified face.
Suddenly there came the scream of a horse as it appeared to the right of us. It seemed to have emerged from the flames which licked around its strong muscular figure. It reared up onto its back legs, its front legs beating the air above us.
We screamed and ducked.
The rider roared angrily at us and tried to steady his horse.
I looked up and saw its strong neck framed against the grey smoke. Its ears flat against its head and its frightening black eyes wide with its own fear. One of its hooves crashed down near Iena’s head and she screamed. The horse tossed its head and started to back away into the soaring flames like some demon animal. It reared once again, this time directly above us.
“Come on Iena!” I screamed at her, tugging at her hands.
We both fled from the deadly demon and stumbled up the steps into the hallway. At the end of this hall would be the exit to our house and then we would be out on the street. We would have escaped from these mad men.
The flames reached once again for us. My heart sank as I saw our home devoured by this roaring beast. They stretched their yellow arms out to us as we passed, like starving beggars in the crowded streets. Their orange reflections glimmered on the cracked, blood smeared floor, dancing under our sooty bare feet.
There came a noise which made my heart leap in fear. The cries of the men as they spotted us. I looked back over my shoulder and saw them. Their hard eyes were set determinedly on me and Iena. Their strong shapes moved quickly towards us. There was such a terrifying air around them. These men were killers who felt no remorse for what they did. I was sure if I was within reach they would dismember me with cold efficiency and immediately move onto their next victim.
I looked back around. I felt my face filled with desperate terror. If they caught us then we were surely dead. We had to escape from them! We ran down the maze of long corridors. How unfamiliar our home looked in our terror! Statues peered out at us, watching us stumble past them with our faces twisted in fear. The smoke twisted even the most peaceful of the characters. Gods and Goddesses loomed out at us with dark, streaked faces. Their lips were pressed into hard unforgiving lines. Their stone eyes saw us pass with a flicker of orange cruelty.
I could hear Iena’s dreadful gasping as she chocked on her silenced sobs. The sound, even though it came from her, filled me with fear. I could hear the sound I kept making as my breath caught in my throat.
Suddenly a dead slave appeared before us on the marble floor. Blood had gathered around him. His unseeing eyes stared up at us. His mouth was open in a silent scream of horror. Flames greedily accepted his body and started to devour him.
We both shrieked and stumbled away. Iena held my hand so tightly it hurt.
“Morgenna,” she sobbed, like me unable to bear the knowledge that if we did not escape we would join that burning corpse.
I did not answer her. I could not! How could I reassure her after this? How could I stand so close to that dead man and tell here everything would be alright? I looked wildly left and right, searching for the men. I could not see them in this thick chocking smoke! They could be just behind us! They could be-
A man leapt out from behind the statues, knocking several over. They fell onto the blood-smeared marble exploding into thousands of plaster-white pieces. He landed between us and the body, crouching like a cat on bent knees and then slowly rolled on his ankles and straightened, growing in height before us. His black eyes gleamed in anticipation and he grinned evilly at us. His head was shaved and he wore the red robes of most Roman men. Like most Roman men he was heavily muscled. He could easily kill both of us with just one sweep of his powerful arm.
Iena shrieked and clutched at my arm so tightly her nails dug into my skin. I also held onto her and we both stared in fear at the advancing soldier.
His grin grew as he stepped towards us and he reached down and drew his bloodied sword. The light from the raging flames gleamed off it. A sharp sound rand out, shrill and piercing.
The noise woke me from my state of fear induced numbness. I screamed at Iena to run as I pulled her in front of me and started to push her towards our escape.
The man reached out to us with his bloody hand, but we had only just stumbled out of his reach. We both ducked and screamed, scrambling away doubled over. Iena tripped on her dress again and started to fall. She screamed. I grabbed her and pulled her along with me. Her dirty bare feet trailed in the puddle of the slave’s blood. She cried out in shock and struggled to get to her feet without tripping me up. I did not let go of her even when she had regained her balance and was running with me.
Then we both came to a dead stop.
The curling veils of smoke parted and in the middle of the corridor stood two soldiers. Waiting for us. Another dead slave lay at their feet. Her blood flowed around their feet and gathered in the tiny cracks and crevices in the floor. One of their swords was embedded in her chest. She gazed at the ceiling with eyes which no longer saw. Her lips were parted as if she had been trying to speak when they had killed her. Or trying to scream.
One of the men reached down and yanked the sword up from her chest. He had to place his foot on her carcass to wrench it free from the cage of her ribs.
He looked up. He fixed his hunter’s gaze on us. He and his companion started to stride towards us.
Iena screamed and clutched at me.
I twisted around to where we had just run. Maybe we could go back that way. Maybe we could slip past the man with the sword. Maybe we could slip past them and hide in the courtyard.
I started to pull her in that direction. After a few steps we scrambled to a stop.
The man with the sword emerged from the smoke. His cruel black eyes were fixed on us. His malicious grin spread as he saw our looks of horror. He walked confidently towards us, his sword gleaming and ready at his side. Another shape came into sight further behind him. The mask of grey began to fade away from this other figure as he neared and the crazed man who had been laughing as we fled from him appeared.
I looked desperately back at the two men who were advancing, and then back at the other two who came closer step by step.
We were trapped.
Horror rose in me yet I refused to surrender to it.
Surely we would somehow escape! We had too! We had not lived all this time just to be cut down by murderers! We could not die like this! Surely the Gods would save us?! The unforgiving statues flashed into my mind. Their beautiful grey faces cold and silent as they callously watched the annihilation of our family. How they stared without protest into the roaring mass of flames which devoured our home. Unfeeling, unconcerned, uncaring. No, the Gods would not save us.
I turned towards the men which blocked our escape. They were only a few arm lengths away and quickly closing upon us.
I tightened my grip on Iena’s hand and started to pull her with me as I ran towards them.
She screamed and struggled to free herself from my tight grip. I was heading right towards them! She shrieked my name again and again and pounded on my arm. But I paid her no attention. I had my plan and that was all I could afford to focus on. My idea, feeble as it was, was to barge right past the men, hopefully surprising them enough that they would make no move to grab us as we escaped.
But then my grip slipped. My heart sank as I felt Iena tumble from my arms. My fingers clawed at empty air. She fell to the floor.
***NOT FINSHED, sorry for the little cliffhanger***
Last edited by EmmaJane on Mon May 04, 2009 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Sun May 03, 2009 4:15 pm
peanut19 says...



Hey Emma. This was very good. The description was wonderful, but I have one question. At the beginning they were running around a pool in the courtyard, yes? Well then they were back in the house, and I don't remember them reentering. I may have missed it, though. I only saw one spelling mistake.

It should be choked.

I could hear Iena’s dreadful gasping as she chocked on her silenced sobs.


Also, Emma, right here you talk about the fire as if its more than one thing.

They stretched their yellow arms out to us as we passed, like starving beggars in the crowded streets. Their orange reflections glimmered on the cracked, blood smeared floor, dancing under our sooty bare feet.

Great job.
~peanut~
There is a light in you, a Vision in the making with sorrow enough to extinguish the stars. I can help you.
~And The Light Fades


The people down here are our zombies, who should be dead or not exist but do.
~Away From What We Started


P.S Got YWS?
  





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Thu May 14, 2009 12:43 am
seyonne says...



Wow, this is really good. The only things I can think of to say is, honestly, the sentances seemed a little bit choppy to me. It made it sound a little childish, honestly, and not in the good way......I duno. Something about it just seemed kind of 'off' and I'm not really sure why.

For such a horrific situation, this almost feels written in a very cold manner.
I think that's because of the choppy sentances. For example, the bit where the beast is rearing up about to attack them, you simply say, very blandly;

'We screamed and ducked.'

That seems really lacking in emotion, and it's not the only place. However, there's a few paragraphs- one near the start I remember vividly- that are very emotionally packed, showing me you can do it.

That's the only thing I can really say I see wrong with this. I'm bad at grammer myself, so I can't say much there, but spelling and grammatically to myself this seemed fine.

The idea is great, and I can see this being the start of a really great adventure story; I'd read it if it ever got published for sure, and I'm almost twenty three. ^_^ It leaves me wanting more, and to find out why this attacked happened in the first place.
  








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