I wish I didn't already know all of the intricate plot lines and stuff about this, 'cuz then I'd tell you what's confusing. BTW, hunter, looks like you found an avatar that looks like Hunter! Check your email for a better pic
No one is responding with their confusions...I wish they would....please everybody? As soon as I know what's confusing, I can fix it and begin writing again.
This includes anything you have to say Bobo
Got YWS? I do.
Lumi: Don't you drag my donobby into this. Lumi: He's the sweetest angel this side of hades.
"Come on Hunter, let's at least explore a little while we're out and about," Mike begged. I turned to Aiden, expecting him to back me up. Much to my surprise, he nodded in accordance with what Mike said.
"Whatever," I said with a shrug.
I turned and looked out over the weed infested yeard. What once had been a well kept lawn, filled with groomed hedges and gardens of beautiful flowers had deteriorated into little more than mass of weeds and knee-high grass. Nothing lived in this place. There was death all around, from the hedges and flowers to the lone tree that once overlooked the property.
I started across the ruined yard, picking my way through the grass cautiously.
"Where are you going?" Aiden called to me.
"You wanted to explore, so let's go!" I called back. As I took another step toward the dead, fire scarred tree, my toes caught on something embedded in the ground and I fell flat on my face. I threw my arms out to slow my fall, and ended up scraping my hand on a sharp rock.
"Hunter, are you all okay!?" Aiden yelled to me. Mike laughing hard, bent at the waist and pointing at me like some circus show.
"Yeah I'm fine," I muttered, even though they wouldn't be able to hear me.
Last edited by Ego on Fri May 06, 2005 11:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Heh, it's a good story, i look forward to more, and just to put you at ease hunter, i'm not confused, i don't see any places where anyone could be confused. But, thats just me i suppose
~~Shadow~Knight~~ (and now for my trademark)
Cause i'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man,
I'm a one man revolution.
“Well, it is not a topic to joke about,” he scolded. I rolled my eyes in response. Robert and his family were al very devout followers of the Church of Latter Day Saints, commonly known as Mormons. I, being an Atheist, was always at odds with him
2 things: 1, it's "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints." 2, I thought you were Agnostic? Or does that change over time?
Also, you need to update Bob's description:
“What’s going on?” he asked, running a hand through his
short, curly blonde hair. I’d known him for more than eight years; we’d gone to preschool together, and had stuck around all through elementary school. We were as close as friends could be, and about as different.
He stood about five feet three inches, and weighed about a hundred and I dunno, but not that much at that age... pounds. He had grayish blue-green eyes that always seemed to be daydreaming, and a round face.
It's hard to describe his eyes very well, but they are sort of a grayish, greenish blue with an olive-colored circle around the pupils. Just like mine! Sorta...
Well, you are Hunter, but I know what you mean . I just assumed he'd be the same since that's basically what I did with Bob. And I will edit your posts for you lazy bum.
I'm crazy for stuff like this! If you were to come into my room you'd know it was true. I hope to read more and be able to critique the whole thing without it being spaced out, that was my only complaint. My favorite part was this right here:
I turned and looked out over the weed infested yeard. What once had beena well kapt lawn, filled with groomed hedges and gardens of beautiful flowers had deteriorated into little moe than mass of weeds and knee-high grass. Nothing lived in this place. There was death all around, from the hedges and flowers to the lone tree that once overlooked the property.
Although, when you spelt kept you spelt it "kapt" fix that! That was the only thing I found wrong with what I posted right above...like I said, I love how you write I only wish I could get where I want to go when writing scary stories...they all seem cliche and boring. Your story was nothing at all like that, it was a good read and held me attention very well! I love stories like that.
Come on Dono! I can't imagine how many times I've read this story (in its many revisions) since you started it IN EIGTH GRADE!!! In other words, kindly post more.
lazy bum.
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