z

Young Writers Society


Bolo- Time Lord. The Machine



User avatar
8 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 8
Sat Apr 11, 2009 7:15 am
Daniel Brown says...



Bolo-Time Lord
The Machine

2008
Bolo, what a character! Always getting himself into trouble with the likes of Butch- the large mastiff down the road- and Lordi- the terrifying Staffordshire- but he always appeared to get out of trouble as easy as he gets in trouble. Bolo, yes he is a mongrel, yes he is a stray, and yes he never washes but we love him; his dirty wet face holding the eyes of which he looks upon the children with great confusion, and wags his mucky, scraggy tail for the odd treat. I don’t know why, but he always seems to attract the children and repel the adults. Maybe it’s because he’s dirty, the children can probably see through the very thick layers of mud and grime, and that would reveal a very beautiful and glamorous young dog.

After many years of slouching around dustbins and alleyways, Bolo has finally found an exciting new thing to do, more exciting than winding up Big Butch! You see, he is a ‘Time Lord’, yes, you heard right, a ‘Time Lord’. So I bet you are now thinking how? How did a dirty, scruffy, small, annoyingly cute mongrel dog become a ‘Time Lord’? Well, be patient because I am just about to tell you.

“What a day!” thought Bolo as he shuffled across a front yard, “six treats already, that’s got to be a record?!” His small, filthy face held what was a very proud smile. “I’m just the best, oh yea the best!” he went over and over again in his head.

For a small dog he has the biggest of adventures, his biggest yet was nearly being caught by the Pound! That would have been a tragedy, he wanted to be free, you see, Bolo’s philosophy on this was, “I was born free, and, so, I will die free.” It’s quite creepy how the men with nets and caps seem to know exactly where you are. Maybe the parents are in on it? They never seemed to like him. You see one day he was just minding his own business on some child’s back garden and suddenly needed to..... well you know..... he needed to ‘relieve’ himself. So he was doing his business and a strange fat, old, bald man came running out of the house yelling, waving a rather large broom at poor old Bolo, the man was a frightening character but didn’t look the fittest of men- still, Bolo wasn’t going to take his chances and scurried off immediately. As you now may have gathered, Bolo and the parents of Greenleigh don’t seem to ‘get on’.

So on with the story...

Bolo was again minding his own business, when he saw, Whiskers, the local tabby cat. Well he did what any normal dog would do, chase the fur-ball! I don’t get it, cats and dogs they seem to have a ‘love- hate’ relationship, as yet, I’m not quite sure on who loves who and who hates who, in a way, the cat hates the dog because they seem to always run away, but if the dog loved the cat then it wouldn’t hassle it in the first place! Anyway, this tabby, Whickers, well was she a runner! Had poor old Bolo chasing for ages! And, for a moment it looked as though Bolo was going to throw up! “AHH, I shouldn’t have had those treats!” But its strange- normal dogs can’t stop chasing, they just keep on running and running until the poor cat is out of sight, even when all their energy has gone, as though they go to ‘auto-pilot’ mode, like as if there are tapes, rolling and rolling after there is nothing left to roll! Anyway, eventually Whickers was out of sight, and it was time to turn back and get on with whatever the dopey dog, Bolo, was doing before, but no. This is when he changes from a normal dog, into an eccentric mongrel, of course! Anyway, he wasn’t going to give up, and it was down to Bolo fantastic sense of smell to track down Mrs Whiskers. Her scent lead Bolo to the end of the road, and the next place was through a small gap in a large white painted fence. It’s a shame Bolo couldn’t read, because if he could he would have had second thoughts about venturing under the strangely familiar white painted fence. You see there was a sign, which read: ‘Beware of the Dog’, and under the slightly threatening message lay a picture of a very, very scary looking dog, in fact it didn’t even look like a real dog! Anyway like most dogs, Bolo can’t read, no one ever taught him, and so he ventured through the small gap in the white painted fence in search of his friendly foe, Whiskers.

“Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” Bolo yelped has he squeezed through the very small gap in the white painted fence. After minutes of squeezing through the gap he was finally there. He celebrated by a gigantic grin and quick dance, “Triumph!” he thought, that is until he finally opened his eyes to see, yes... was it that obvious? Butch! There was a brief moment however when the two just stared but then, Bolo, he wasn’t much of a fighter, he gulped what he thought was going to be his last gulp and ran like hell! Butch wasn’t much of a runner so that was Bolo’s best option; however, Butch must have been practising because he wasn’t far away. Bolo may have been tired; he had just ran for 2 hours, none stop, trying to catch the cat for no apparent reason, you would have thought he wouldn’t have been able to last but believe me, if a big, heavy, hungry, mastiff dog called Butch was after you, barking at a very loud volume, showing all them strong, sharp teeth, you wouldn’t stop running! Bolo turned the corner, it was dead end! He needed to hide, and what a lucky dog he was, an open window, leading to a basement, perfect! He leapt throw the open window and landed inside the basement... on his head.

He waited, looking outside the window, trying to spot Butch. He was there, literally 4ft away, sniffing. “Ahhh!” Bolo gasped and looked around for a hiding place. It was very dark however; he could hardly see a thing! But there it was the most spectacular hiding place ever! It was like a... a sort of machine looking thing. The door was wide open, Bolo just heard it say, “Come my friend, hope in, and hold on tight!” A shiver crept up Bolo’s spine. It didn’t look safe. “WOOF!” it was Butch he was getting closer! The strange talking machine was the only place he could hide! And so, he had no choice! He dashed over to the door and hopped inside. The door shut, the machine started to shake and smoke started to rise from the floor. Yes, this was a time machine, but the poor misunderstood Bolo didn’t know that! “Where we off to today then, Master?” a voice asked, it wasn’t a human voice it was a strange voice, talking in syllables. A keypad slid out. “Strange signs!” Bolo thought, he was shaking, he turned to look out of the window. Butch! He was looking through! Bolo turned back to the keypad, and stamped his paw at it in hope, of it somehow disappearing, he didn’t care where! But maybe if Bolo knew where he had just requested to go then maybe next to Big Bad Butch was the better option.
“Hmm, the Middle Ages?” the voice asked, “Well if you’re sure.” The machine shook faster, “Hold on tight!” the computer recommended.




*Poof*



It was the strangest of feelings, and left a slight tingle in Bolo’s... well you know... his special place.

1300s
The door swung open and Bolo was know looking at a very different basement, in fact, it was no basement, oh no, far from it, it was an alley way. Surprised Bolo didn’t recognise it; he spends enough time down the bloody things. The machine seemed to physically push a very confused Bolo out into the alleyway. It was dark, it was scary and it was more dirty and smelly than the other alleyways. Being the nosey dog he is, Bolo ventured on out further into the alleyway. Squelch, “awww, YUCK!” Bolo yelped. The Middle Ages was much different to Greenleigh. It was horrible; Bolo felt he was an alien on his own planet! Oh right yea, I forgot, the squelch was a dead rat, if you really wanted to know, maggots crawling all over it, living off it.

He eventually found a place to sleep; it had been a tiring day, with all the running and time travelling.

Boneworld, full of big juicy bones! Ohhhh! Bolo had always believed in Boneworld, he kept on going, it is a real place, and if you’re a good dog, then when you die, you go there. The trouble is Bolo wasn’t a good dog, so he had given up on Boneworld a long time ago.

“Ow, ah!” Some quite annoying disturbed Bolo, “Ah, get off!” He slowly opened his eyes. An old woman stood poking him. She seemed quite amused. Ha, it was quite amusing, poke, poke-aty, poke, hmmm, it was tickly as well. No! No it wasn’t, it was annoying, Bolo suddenly stood up but was confused to see that he wasn’t in the alleyway anymore, he was in a small house, no wait a farm, no a house, babies live in houses, no but pigs don’t, pigs live in farms, well this place had both, it must have been a farmhouse, or a housefarm. One of them. Wait, who cares! It suddenly hit him, a rock to the head, no really someone was throwing rocks at his head, and it hurt! But the main problem was... he was lost!
Last edited by Daniel Brown on Mon Apr 13, 2009 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





Random avatar


Gender: Male
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Mon Apr 13, 2009 10:07 am
mcb07 says...



5/5 my niece would love this story the adventure, the thoughts on paper make the character come to life, brilliant.
  





User avatar
180 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 8691
Reviews: 180
Tue Apr 21, 2009 2:59 am
Warrior Princess says...



Wow, this story is imaginative and wacky--even I, who am fifteen and fond of Shakespeare and Dickens, loved it! It was very creative for you to use a dog as the main character. I certainly haven't met too many sixteen-year-old dudes who wanted to write a children's story involving a dog and time travel (were you high or something?), bu this is brilliant and I can so see it being made into a picture book for kids.
Keep writing, and add me as a friend while you're at it! :)
You must be swift as the coursing river,
With all the force of a great typhoon,
With all the strength of a raging fire,
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
  





User avatar
157 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4198
Reviews: 157
Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:16 am
Bickazer says...



Er...I'd advise you not to call the story "Time Lord", as that name has already been taken by the great British science fiction show "Doctor Who"...

Also, I'd read it, but please split those huge chunks of paragraphs into smaller pieces for improved readability. Note you should start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks.

Actually, I should get my little brother to read it and see if he likes it. :) After all, if you're aiming the story at a younger audience, then critiques should come not from stodgy old grownups like me but from the kids it's aimed at, right?
Ah, it is an empty movement. That is an empty movement. It is.
  








Does anybody else passive-aggressively refresh the page to see if anything you said made it into the quote generator?
— GrandWild