School aka Prison

Nate · 2004-11-15T16:40:07Z

Note: This is a short story by one of the kids I work with at an elementary school. He's just starting to write, so what he really needs right now is constructive criticism. One day at a school called Best School Ever Elementary they got the meanest principle named Mr. Waxaplax. But at the end of day only one kid had detention and his name was Will! But at exactly 4:00 pm the school turned into a prison! The windows turned into bars and so did the doors. When Will was looking around at all of the changes, he saw a cell phone sitting on the teacher s desk. So he used to call the K.N.D. But they didn t have weapons so they took him to their moon base. After a really long and boring lecture from #276. So they just blew up the school because they couldn t make up their mind. - Will

Jojo

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Thu Jan 12, 2006 4:37 pm

Jojo says... · Thu Jan 12, 2006 4:37 pm

Why don't u tell the kid to join YWS!!!

The Football Freak.

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Nate

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Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:31 pm

Nate says... · Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:31 pm

Jojo wrote:Why don't u tell the kid to join YWS!!!

He was a bit too young to join, and besides, I don't know him anymore. But I do try to get anyone I know who is at least 11 to join the site. Unfortunately, they usually just join and never post.

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Doubt

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Thu Jan 26, 2006 12:08 pm

Doubt says... · Thu Jan 26, 2006 12:08 pm

Good for his age group. Tell him to keep at it.

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WriterAddict12356

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Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:58 pm

WriterAddict12356 says... · Sun Apr 13, 2008 8:58 pm

I do not know what to say on this one... hehe

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Echolair

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Tue Apr 15, 2008 2:28 pm

Echolair says... · Tue Apr 15, 2008 2:28 pm

That last line there totally killed it.

*Applauds*

I'm crossing my fingers for a sequel. 0.o

In heaven there is only you, on earth you are all i want. -Psalms 73:25

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God

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Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:49 pm

God says... · Tue Apr 15, 2008 4:49 pm

this is his first story? thats pretty good for a first, hmmm... well, its too short, and it lacks descripive or figurative language, what he's got it an outline for an awesome idea. KND is an awesome show. tell him to keep it up.

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive

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xhalcyonx128

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Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:54 pm

xhalcyonx128 says... · Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:54 pm

Aww! I found this story imaginative and incredibly adorable. :-)

I especially loved the KND reference, and I noticed that the KND do tend to blow things up when they can't decide how to solve something (not the best lesson in the world mind you). Encourage Will to continue writing and to keep his imagination fresh. :-)