Young Writers Society

I have been living in May 22nd for a long time now.

I always woke up to this day near the end of the school year, but I was fine with it. I looked forward to the day, over and over. No one remembered anything. I could set the school on fire and get expelled while my mom would yell and grieve over me, and nothing would happen. Everything will reset the next day.

Of course, I never set the school on fire. I never had time. Time was running short. I was losing minutes each day.

I had other things to do—much more important things to do.

My friend was coming over to me now. In exactly fifteen seconds, she will wave and call out my name, slinging her green backpack over her shoulder some more.

“Hey, Hana!” Brittney waved and slung her bag higher up on her shoulder.

I tried to change fate. I really did, but no matter what I did, it all repeated. Even after days and days of this same day, I never could avoid Brittney calling me out and lifting her bag higher up on her shoulder.

It was fine. Everything was always fine. I always had a second chance.

But not today. I only had one more chance. Brittney coming over was my warning call. I only had a matter of minutes now. This was it. I had to change everything today.

“Hi, Brittney,” I said wearily. I had tried an enthusiastic tone, a bored tone, a sad tone, an angry tone—everything. I had tried everything at one point, but she never left me. I always had to leave her.

“Girl, why are you wearing sweats today? It’s nice out!” she remarked.

I knew she would say that. She said that every time I wore sweats on this day, which had actually been a long time now…to me and only me, at least. As bizarre as it sounded, I found that wearing sweats actually gave me good luck.

“I dunno,” I said as my usual reply. “I felt like it.”

I made sure I made it obvious that I was searching the crowd.

Five more lines, and finally I could leave.

She playfully rolled her eyes. “Who are you looking for?”
“I’m look for Mallory.”
“Mallory Mitchell?”
“Yep.”

She gestured behind her. “I saw her over there.”

I already knew where she was. I needed a reason to leave Brittney.

I had this exact conversation before a few times, and when I did, I brought her along with me.

I didn’t this time. I just couldn’t risk it.

I rushed out without another word, and I could only imagine Brittney’s hurt and confused face.

Today will be different. It had to be different. I had no other choice.

“Hey, Mallory,” I greeted when I found her.

Like the other times I saw her after school, she was with her preppy clique group taking group pictures. I knew I didn’t belong with them. I never did, but she was still my friend. I had to talk to her. It was important, but what was more important than her and her friends?

Lots of things. I just couldn’t tell her.

She gave me a glance and smiled, but then paid attention to posing in front of the cell phone that was probably taking pictures to be posted on Facebook.

I froze. What should I do? Should I try the whole come-over-to-my-house tactic again? No, that failed one too many times. What about the truth? I could tell her the hard, cold truth, but whenever I did that, things usually got worse than it did the first time around.

I needed a distraction, and quick.

“Mallory,” I croaked, “I need to talk to you. It’s important.”

The preppy clique snapped their heads toward me, but I didn’t care. That wasn’t important right now. Nothing was but my task at hand here.

Mallory frowned and hesitated, but then she broke out of the group to see me privately. “What’s up?”

This had only happened one other time, and I failed it by asking if she wanted to hang out in the park. I won’t fail this time.

“I’m moving tomorrow,” I lied, speaking softly with quivering lips for effect.

“What?” Mallory sputtered out. Naturally, she asked, “Where? Why”

I had to think of something fast. “To Oregon. I have family there.”

She looked down then up, eyes wide in disbelief washed by sadness. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” She sounded hurt.

It was a good question. Why hadn’t I tried this earlier? It would have saved a lot of time.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just didn’t want to tell anyone until the last day, I guess.”

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I wanted to do this at the very beginning; I was just too scared of the outcome, but now, at this last chance, I was as scared as ever.

Mallory shook her head, looking like she might cry if I made a wrong move. But she knew better than that. Her clique was still around stealing glances at us, and Mallory Mitchell, star of the girls’ basketball and volleyball team, did not cry.

“Can you spend the night? I mean, if it’s the last day…”

I wanted to hear those words since day one.

I might succeed. I might win this. I might change her life. I might change the world.

I won’t fail.

“That’s what I came here to ask,” I said softly again, which wasn’t entirely a lie.

And that was that. She said goodbye to her clique by saying, “I'll see you tomorrow!” and I got goose bumps on my skin.

We both walked to her car where her mom and little sister waited inside.

“Hi, Hana,” her mom greeted. “Are you coming over tonight?”

“She’s moving tomorrow, mom,” Mallory said, entering the car with the slam of the door. I couldn’t tell if she was mad or sad.

It didn’t matter. That didn’t matter right now.

“What?” Her mom snapped around to see me. “Where?”

“Oregeon,” I repeated. “Family.”

She turned back around to drive out of the school parking lot. “Then we have to make the night extra special.”

I could practically feel Mallory roll her eyes.

I looked out the window and paid close attention to where we were going.

Realization seeped in.

“Hana,” Mallory began, “I don’t want you to move. What’s my life going to be like without you? It’ll be Hana-less!”

Why was her mom going this way? She was going to pass the church. My house wasn’t that way.

Don’t pass the church. Please don’t pass the church. God, if you can do one thing for me, please don’t let us pass the church.

“Hana? You’re spacing out…again.”

It was coming up.

This wasn’t a good idea. I knew it wasn’t.

What have I gotten myself into?

The car came into a complete stop, jerking all of us forward.

“Mom!” Mallory scolded.

U-turn. Near the church. The story was all too familiar.

I closed my eyes.

“Sorry. U-turn,” she said back. “I was going to go get gas this way since it’s the cheapest around, but then I—”

I felt pain before I heard anything.

It exploded all at once, like a thousand missiles coming right at me. Before I could register it all in, I felt a sticky substance seep all over me while the world was being turned all around, upside-down, side-ways, right side up, flat, and again, over and over and over again like a carnival ride.

Why was the ceiling so low?
I couldn’t breathe. So tight. I couldn’t breathe. So hot.

And then the sound came with a large boom.
Then the world went silent.

I could only see the events unfolding around me.
But I didn’t physically see with my own eyes.



I saw my thoughts.



I knew Mallory, her mom, and sister would die on May 22nd by a fatal car crash. I’ve known it for a very long time.

I tried to stop it. She was my best friend; she didn’t deserve a death like this.
That was when I found my gift. I could go back and repeat the same day over and over until I was satisfied with it. However, each time the day reset, I lost minutes. I found myself on the breakfast table instead of my bed. In the car ride to school instead of the table. On school ground instead of the car. In my class instead of school ground. And then, in the end, minutes away from her death.

I accomplished nothing. I failed.

I tried to change fate. I failed.

That was my last chance. I failed.

Suddenly everything went black, and I knew that I will never wake up on May 22nd or May 23rd or May anything.

But I did accomplish one thing.

I know I will never lose Mallory again.

Hey Carina,

Wow. This was heart-breaking -- especially once you'd explained where the idea had come from. As you said, may they all rest in peace.

I'm going to try and review this piece, though, to point out a few things I liked about it and a few things I thought could be better.

Firstly, I love the concept of the piece. Wishing to save a friend, but failing time after time -- reliving the same day, losing minutes every time it reoccured. When it got to the part about the church, I did begin to get a little confused -- I thought for a few surreal moments that she was a vampire, or something like that. I'm glad she wasn't -- it wouldn't have fit in with the story at all. And despite getting a little confused towards the end, by the end I understood the story almost perfectly and was quite satisfied after having finished reading it.

I'm not sure how I like the changes between tenses in some parts, though. Most of it is in past tense, but a few small parts you've written in present tense. There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, but as a reader it just didn't feel quite right to me. Perhaps you should try copy and pasting it, editing it to all be completely in the past tense and then deciding which version is better?

Another point I have is that I'm not completely sure where Brittney comes into all of this. At first, my thoughts were that she would be a crucial part of the story -- but it turned out that she was more of a prop, and not really of any importance. In all honesty, I think that the story could do without her -- or that you could at least try and involve her a little more.

I always woke up to this day near the end of the school year, but I was fine with it. I looked forward to the day, over and over. No one remembered anything. I could set the school on fire and get expelled while my mom would yell and grieve over me, and nothing would happen. Everything will reset the next day.

There's something just ... wrong about this paragraph. For one thing, when I first started reading it and wasn't yet familiar with the story, it really confused me. It makes more sense now, yet in another way it still doesn't make sense. In this paragraph you make it sound almost as if Hanna enjoyed waking up over and over again on May 22nd -- which doesn't work with the story. I think that part could do with reworking. It feels to me, as a reader, that Hanna would be almost horrified at this point at having to repeatedly wake up on the same day -- scared, alone, and uncertain.

Other than that -- I love the story. I think it's wonderful that you wrote something and dedicated it to the girl who lost her life and her family. It's a sad and poignant story, and a great way to make those who never even knew her love and remember her.

Thinking of your classmate,

~MorningMist~

Hi Carina! I thought I would do a review from to one of the members in our awesome team. And I found your story and it looked like it was to be a decent read, so here I am!

Oh my god. I have to admit that I did cry a bit. This is heartbreaking but even more so that it's dedicated to a classmate of yours. It's a true story which makes it all the sadder. Points for the heart-wrenching story.

I think, especially since it's based of truth, you could go another mile to really achieve success with this. Right now, it's good, but it's not GREAT. Personally, I would have appreciated a lot more details and descriptions and perhaps moved around some paragraphs so the story ran more fluidly. Nevertheless, I don't want to pick too much because I do realize this is a sad and tender topic for you at the moment and I want to keep most of it in its original style and writing since it's more genuine that way. And they are your emotions, in a prose-ish kind of way.

I would have definitely preferred a little more from Hana's repeated visits to May 22nd (sidenote: it might be more literary to spell out 22nd like twenty-second). What I mean by this is maybe, before introducing the last moment, incorporate maybe the first time she returns to the twenty-second. What are her emotions then? Is she confused? Is she heavily grieving Mallory's sudden and undeserved death? It's only a suggestion however.

Additionally, I yet again agree with MorningMist about the Brittney thing. If she's not crucial or at least a sort-of helpful character to the plot, you might as well take her out since she's nothing than a prop otherwise. It's redundant and I don't see how she contributes to the story or aids with its comprehension.

Overall, it was terribly wonderful story. I'm glad I reviewed this! If you have any questions about this review, please don't hesitate to shoot me a PM.

Yours and thinking,
Lavvie