Chapter 5: Crazy
"So I'm officially insane?" I cry.
"I am afraid so. I'm sorry. I didn't know. We would have gotten you checked in 2008, but you didn't show any signs. We thought the nightmares were from the depression."
"I'm officially insane." That's all that could register in my mind. I'm insane. I'm insane. I'm insane! But of course I didn't shout that out loud. No matter how much I wanted to. It would be "unprofessional" as my mother would say. My mother. This is all her fault. “Look at me, Jake,” I pause, because in all reality I didn’t want him to look at me; didn’t want him to ever have to see me like this, “do I look crazy?” the last word sticks like glue, but I forced it to the back of my mind and acted as though this whole thing didn’t bother me...even if it did.
“Becca...I’m sorry but I’m not answering that.” he says, obviously trying to forget about it too.
“I said look at me!” I sit up and manage to pull a needle from my arm. Feeling the cold metal of the IV exit my blood stream made me shiver, but I keep my eyes locked on my brother’s. It wasn’t like me to ever yell at him, but I wanted an answer and I wanted it now. I try to grab hold of Jake but he backs away too quickly. The fear in his eyes reminds me of how weak he is. I could tear him to shreds if only he hadn’t called for help.
“Doctor,” he whimpers, “Doctor!” louder this time. Dr. West comes running in. I see him out of the corner of my eye and immediately lay back down, glaring at him evilly as he walks through the door. I hadn’t even met the man and I wanted him gone.
“Give me your arm, miss,” he commands, grabbing the needle that has fallen out. “I need to hook this back in. You must get your medication.” he explains, gently prying my arm from my side.
“Screw you, you sorry bastard!” I say under my breath. I didn’t think anyone would hear it because I just barely whispered it, but Jake did. He looked as though he wanted slap me if he could, grinding his teeth together and clenching his fists.
“Skye! You say you’re sorry! That is not way to talk to someone who just saved your life. He even went above and beyond when he called in a psychiatrist to diagnose you and do further tests on your Schizophrenia. Please apologize.” Charlie interrupts.
“I am so very sorry, doctor.” I say with a moan and hint of sarcasm.
“Thank you. Now please let me see your arm.” he reaches across the bed and hooks the IV needle back into my veins. I cringe for a moment and then follow the tube up to the clear bag of dripping fluids.
“What kind of medication is this anyway?” I look up at Dr. West and point to the hanging bag with my free arm, the one that doesn’t have needles sticking out of it.
“Pain medication.” he answers, glancing up from his clipboard long enough to reply.
“For what?” I ask, my eyes widening to the size of a half-dollar coin.
“We had to remove several pieces of glass from your left leg. Jacob believes you may have fallen after throwing a picture frame at the wall,” he looks at Jake, who is still holding my hand, before he continues, “and your brother here...”
“Well, I told them you were already in enough pain.” Jake finishes. I wrap the tube connected to the IV around my fingers and giggle, mouthing the words ‘Thank you’ to my brother. He nods in response. I close my eyes and smile, knowing I will be just fine for the time being.
The last thing I hear before I fall back asleep is Dr. West laughing, telling Jacob, “No need to worry; we’ll take good care of her.” I feel Jake’s fingers slip away from mine as he leans over and kisses my forehead.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Chapter 6: Memories
My dreams are faded memories of my mom and dad, Jacob and myself. Christmas morning, eating ice-cream on a park bench, finger painting my room, dancing around the house. Jake and me were still only children. And then, the best memory of all...Jake’s high school graduation. My mom crying tears of joy, my dad was grinning ear to ear. Me, with my arms around my brother, wearing his graduation cap and laughing as he picked me up and held me in his arms, spinning me in circles. That was a week before both my parents died. I remember driving to the airport with Jake one night to get him off to college. When his phone rang and the voice of a man through the phone informed us that our mother and father had been killed in a car crash, I just about died myself.
They had been on their way to the airport as well, in their own car about thirty minutes behind us, when they were struck by a moving van at a busy intersection, sending their car tolling nearly twenty yards and landed upside down. My dad had smashed through the windshield though he was wearing his seatbelt and my mother was crushed by the air bag. The man who called to notify us of the accident said we could come and take a look if we wished, but Jake and I had already agreed to stay away from that. So instead of driving fifteen minutes to the nearest hospital, we caught a nine hour flight to Europe. To start fresh. Jacob decided he would go to college one day, but for now he would stay and keep an eye on me. The two of us stayed with a couple of friends for a good seven months before growing tired of the foreign country and returning to our hometown of New York City. I still remember walking into our house and feeling like an intruder. The next two weeks after our return were spent getting rid of anything that had belonged to our parents. We couldn’t live in a house that only brought us sadness. Clothes were given to charity, furniture was simply thrown out, and anything of value was sold. We decorated that whole house, just Jake and me. Walls painted, all new furniture, floors and windows redone. Everything perfect, just the way we wanted it. But now I was in the hospital and didn’t know whether I would ever return to that beautiful house of ours.
“She’s ready to go now, Jacob.” I think I hear Dr. West say. I open my eyes now to see that I am still in my hospital bed.
“Good morning, Rebecca. Ready to go?” my brother asks, smiling down at me as he takes my hand and pulls me up.
“Sure...yeah. Carry me?” I reply, still half asleep. I hear him laugh; the best, most bittersweet sound on Earth.
“Alright, c’mon. Let’s get you out of here. What do you say?” he picks me up and I nod, resting my head on his broad shoulder and yawning softly. When we reach the end of the hallway, I climb out of his arms and sprint all the way to the front lobby. It’s a long run and I’m out of breath but I ignore my burning lungs, shoving open the double doors and taking in the fresh air. I continue running until I get outside where I throw my hands up in the air and smile at the world around me. Jake finally catches up to me and apologizes to Dr. West along with the two nurses who have also chased me all the way to the parking lot.
“Is she going to be okay?” I hear one of the nurses ask Jake.
He hugs me and shouts, “She’s fine!” as we head to his car. I climb in and we pull out of the parking lot. I roll down my window and wave.
“Jacob, wait!” I exclaim. He slams on the brakes and I get out. I run back to the front doors and hug the doctor who I now believe has saved my life as well as my soul. “Thank you...” I whisper to him. I skip back to the car and climb in. About ten miles down the road, Jake looks over at me and I watch as a tear rolls down his cheek.
“Why are you crying?” I ask, taking his free hand.
“Its nothing.” he replies. I leave it at that and we drive in silence for the next thirty minutes. We pull up to a dark building. It’s raining outside which makes the structured complex look frightening from the outside. I watch the water droplets collect on the window before opening the passenger’s door.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Chapter 7: A Cure
“What’s this place?” Jake keeps quiet and climbs out of the car, “Jake?” I whisper as he walks into the building, motioning me to follow. When we reach the lobby of the unknown building, he goes and speaks with the receptionist at the front desk.
“This is my sister, Rebecca. I believe we talked this morning over the phone.”
“Yes, of course. You must be Jacob. Pleased to meet you, I’m Edith Avery,” says the lady, shaking my brother’s hand. She turns to a kid sitting next to her at one of the computers. He looks up and smiles, offering me his hand. I ignore him and look to the floor. I’m far too shy to be meeting so many new people. “right,” Edith says with a sigh, “Forest here will take your bags to your room. You are welcome to follow.”
My room? Who were these people? What was this place?
“Goodbye, Becca. I love you.” I hear Jake mumble as Forest leads me down a hallway similar to the ones in the hospital I just left. Same floor, same doors and windows. Where was I?
“What does he mean ‘Goodbye’?” I turn to Forest who doesn’t respond at first, “What the hell is going on? Jake!”
“Here at Hallowell Physiatric Center, they take very good care of their patients.” he tells me.
“Dammit!” No, not a mental hospital, I tell myself. I’d be good, I promise. Don’t leave me here! Please!
“Let’s get to your room, where we can talk about it, okay?” Forest offers. I look back at my brother who is crying by the receptionist’s desk. I reach my hand out to him even though we are nearly ten yards apart. Then I watch as he returns the paperwork and exits the building. Stopping in the middle of the fall, I start to sob. I run back to the lobby and peer out the window as Jacob speeds away in his car. Forest is right behind me. Linking arms with me as soon as I turn around, he guides me back down the hallway and stops in front of room #213. He strolls in and casually drops my bags to the floor.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Chapter 8: Newbie
“Ahh . . . Home sweet home.” Forest says with a smile.
“Hell sweet hell.” I correct him. He laughs and draws open the curtains to the room. It suddenly becomes ten times brighter, the sun shining in form the window. The skies are now a beautiful blue and it is no longer raining. It isn’t fair how on the outside, everyone gets to enjoy the weather while I’m trapped on the inside, only allowed to watch.
“There we go.” Forest looks out the window. For the first time since I have known him, which of course has only been a few minutes, I realize he is also another patient in this disaster of a mental institution. He seems perfectly sane and just like me, he didn’t belong here. Or so I thought.
“So what are you here for?” I ask him, putting some of my clothes into a dresser. I find it kind of ironic how Jake had already packed my bags.
“The free meals and a decent place to sleep,” he jokes, “what about you?” he asks, staring at my scars. I feel very uncomfortable but face my fears and tell him anyway.
“I cut,” this is how I begin to tell my story, showing him my wrists, legs, and waist. He stares blankly into my eyes. “I had an episode last week, was diagnosed with Schizo, and now I’m here.” I leave out the rest, not sure whether I can trust Forest or not.
“That’s pretty . . . Hardcore.” He replies, nodding to himself.
“Thanks, you know . . . This place is quite scary.”
“It’s not so bad, just lonely.”
“Exactly. Being lonely is what scares me the most.” I mutter. I get up from where I had been sitting next to Forest and walk toward the door like I’ve always done . . . ran away from the things that truly bother me.
“You’ll be fine,” he smiles, “Anyway, welcome, newbie.”
“It’s Rebecca actually.” I say, pushing a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Sure it is newbie.” He laughs, standing up and leaving, finding his way to his own room right next door.
I sort away the rest of my belongings and plop down on the bed they have provided me with. How I would give anything to be in my own comfortable bed at home. Gazing up at the ceiling, I fumble with my fingers resting on my stomach. It is 5:45 P.M. when they call us down to the mess hall for dinner. Though I am not very hungry, I join the rest of the patients in hopes of seeing Forest again. All eyes are on me when I walk in. After all, I was the new girl. Head down. I tell myself.
“Rebecca!” I hear Forest shout from across the room. So much for being unnoticed. I scurry to his table and take a seat across from him. He is still dressed in the same, white T-shirt from earlier, only now sweats replace his dark blue jeans. His hair is messy and his blue eyes are sparkling. He smiles a shy little smile, and my heart nearly melts.
“Hungry?” he pushed his plate of slop toward me. I push it aside.
“No thanks . . .”
“Suit yourself.” He takes a sip of water. I don’t even recognize the food on his plate, but watch as he eats every last bit of it.
“Do you even know what you just ate?” I ask in disgust. It was more than likely mystery meat of some kind.
“Not a clue, but we don’t get a choice here either.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to starve to death.”
“Impossible. If there’s one thing they don’t let you do here it’s die. Except for the occasional suicide, of course. They will make you eat eventually, whether you like it or not.”
“Can’t wait . . .” I roll my eyes.
“Ha! You say that now, but wait till you taste it. You need an extremely strong stomach to keep this stuff down.”
I quickly change the subject. Just talking about it makes me want to hurl. “Can we go now?”
“You’re very impatient, aren’t you?” he implies, picking up his tray and handing it off to one of the kitchen workers.
“Yes," I admit, “let’s go, please.” Being with this big a group is just another thing that bothers me, but I avoid telling Forest this. We exit through a set of double doors and hear in the direction of our rooms. Forest tells me about the people here. Everyone seems clearly unique. However, I am not here to make friends so I decide to ignore each and every patient as best I can. It is quite hard to ignore Forest though. So everyone, but him. He was insane, just like me but a different kind. A better kind. But still insane. Of course, everyone here was in some way or another, but there was something about Forest that interested me the more time I spent with him. Although he scared the living hell out of me, Forest seemed to keep me somewhat sane. If that was even possible.
“Rebecca?” he asks, breaking the silence.
“Hmm?” I look up. We are sitting on the cold, tile floor of the deserted hall closest to our rooms.
“Don’t let this place fool you,” he begins. He lets out a sigh and continues, “My best friend committed suicide a month ago here and other attempt it every day. Watch out for anyone who looks the least bit capable of doing any damage. The minute they get the idea that you are weak, they’ll make your life hell. I’ve been here for seven years. I’ve seen what goes on when security isn’t around and there are very few people that aren’t troublemakers. Trust me on this one.”
“My life is already hell, but I think I can take care of myself either way.”
“Whatever you say...”
“I know what I’m talking about. I can handle it.”
“Yeah, except you don’t know what it is yet. Wait for tonight and in the morning we will see how well you can take care of yourself.” he says with a smirk.
“What about tonight?” Forest just ignores me and walks to his room.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
There you have it. Chapters 5-8 of Trouble, My Favorite.
PLEASE comment. PLEASE. After I finish editing Part One (what you just read) and finish writing and editing Part Two and possibly a Part Three, I am sending it off to an editor so many I can get it published one of these days. That is my DREAM, so please feel free to make corrections or change something or give me ideas.
otherwise i think its a nice start to something that could be big. Keep writing i would love to read the rest.
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