Young Writers Society

I. A walk through a Japanese garden

I'm walking now, very slowly. The leaves bristle as a slight breeze passes.

The trees start to shake.

No, no, I tell myself. This isn't real. And I'm snapped back into it again.

Once more, I've brought myself to do this. I never wanted it. But how can one resist? How can one deny themselves the temptation of the alluring bush?

We know it will kill us, yet we come to it again and again.

Over and over.

I can feel this stone pathway shaking a bit now. Is this related to the breeze? But what of the medication they gave me? Surely that must have something to do with it. It's not as if everything is isolated, everything apart from each other.

But then again, what am I? Where are the others? I should have seen some by now.

Surely they could not have just been chopped down as easily as the trees.

Hm. Well, this certainly is intriguing. I see that you've only got ONE wonder of six written. Going to add them? Anyway, I found your story very nice. There was an air of mystery and end was pretty ominous. I only have one issue, and that's with this:

bro wrote: But how can one resist? How can one deny themselves the temptation of the alluring bush?

See, everything else is very ... well, the rest makes me feel like this character is a psychopath, and then all of the sudden there's this alluring bush. A bush, dude, and I know this is about insanity, but finding a bush alluring is not in the same category of crazy as the rest of the story was.

I suppose that doesn't really make sense, but... there are different types of insanity, and you've mixed two that don't really go together.

OTHERWISE, nice stuff you have going on here (if a bit short). Looking forward to more.
TSM

I like this one, definitely. Usually I tell writers with vague stories like this to include more detail, but you managed to include just the right amount. Very good. I'm wondering if this is isolated, or the part of something bigger.
Either way, I like it.