Young Writers Society

So, me and my big mouth said I would write an extended piece of substantial writing about a sensitive topic. I chose abortion. I'm having serious trouble writing this and I'm worried that my teacher will think I'm being insensitive. I don't want people laughing at talking about sex and virgins and all that comes with it. I just want to keep it about abortions but maybe change a few words around or something...so anyway, this is all I have so far.

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‘Jane!’

I turned around from closing my locker. It was Joe. We met last night at an 18th party, he bought me a drink and an hour later I had lost my virginity to him. I didn’t even know he went to my school, not until this morning when he texted me.

‘Joe. Hi’

I bet he’s regretting it now, I think. I’m just plain Jane, with the boring brown hair and the boring brown eyes. He’s Joe. The sauve year 13 who plays guitar and listens to the Rolling Stones. Joe with the flippy hair, I call him.

‘I don’t want things to be awkward. Between us, I mean. It was cool last night, and I like you. Are you free this lunch? We should talk.’

He keeps looking right through me, I’m almost worried he knows what I’m thinking.

‘Yeah, I’m free. Should we meet in the common room?’

‘Not the common room. Too many nosy sixth formers. English 2 is empty this lunch, they’ll just be us two in there.’

Oh God. Is he implying something or am I thinking way too deep into this?

‘Sure. English 2, this lunch.’

The bell rings for first period.

‘Got to go Jane, Maths with Stevens...he hates late students.’

‘Bye Joe.’

I would say more but my thoughts are stuck between my heart and my head. I’m 17, far too young to pretend I know what love is. He’s just a guy. Just Joe with the flippy hair.

...

Hello,

I must admit I really enjoyed this; genre wise it isn’t the usual thing that would interest me but I was pleasantly surprised. I felt a real connection to the character; the fashion in which you display her emotions is very effective. I think for many girls this could be really relatable, well done!

Ben

Hello!!
Well, I must say I loved your story.

Faery007 wrote:So, me and my big mouth said I would write an extended piece of substantial writing about a sensitive topic. I chose abortion. I'm having serious trouble writing this and I'm worried that my teacher will think I'm being insensitive. I don't want people laughing at talking about sex and virgins and all that comes with it. I just want to keep it about abortions but maybe change a few words around or something...so anyway, this is all I have so far.

I think you should write this as a "spoiler"...

Faery007 wrote:We met last night at an 18th party, he bought me a drink and an hour later I had lost my virginity to him.

Maybe you should explain better what happened between them... What he said that made her have sex with him.
Because, at least for me, Jane doesn't sound like "that" kind of girl...

Faery007 wrote:Oh God. Is he implying something or am I thinking way too deep into this?

Love this line!! It is so real...

Faery007 wrote:‘Got to go Jane, Maths with Stevens...he hates late students.’

Take a second look at the punctuation here... Maybe:
"Got to go, Jane. Maths with Stevens...he hates late students"

Faery007 wrote:I’m 17, far too young to pretend I know what love is.

Love, love, looove this!!

Well, other than that, I think it's too simple... Add more details, like what does he look like, what is he wearing...

Nice work here!
Can't wait to read more from you...