Young Writers Society

Here, days stopped existing. They were numbered. Today is day fifty two. My daughter grinned when I told her, and nestled under the crook of my arm, calculating when she would see me again.
Purple tulips had grown along the hospital grounds. I ached, remembering my wife scrounging through the flower beds. Her skin smelt like oranges. She hadn’t visited since day forty.
A boy called to me; “Is your hair ever going to grow back?” His mother shushed him, her face crimson.
My daughter stirred, her eyes wet. They locked with my bald head.
“Well,” she asked. “Is it?”

Ooh, I really like this, you made a powerful point with just (and exactly, that's impressive) 100 words. I love the 100 days, 100 words, it's subtle, but brilliant. It left me with questions that kept me thinking about your story, questions that shouldn't be answered. I think the best works make you think, and don't let you stop. Some things:

leighton88 wrote:My daughter grinned when I told her, and nestled under the crook of my arm, calculating when she would see me again.

I know word count is an issue, but this sentence is a little awkward. How about: "My daughter grinned when I told her, nestled under the crook of my arm, she calculated when she would see me again"?

leighton88 wrote:I ached, remembering my wife scrounging through the flower beds. Her skin smelt like oranges. She hadn’t visited since day forty.

I don't think "scrounging" right word. Scavenging? Ravaging? And then "through" or "in"--one might sound better than the other.

Also, I think "hadn't" should be "hasn't." "Hadn't" implies that she is visiting now and she hadn't previously since day 40.

And one final thing: What if you counted the days back from 100 rather than to 100? It seems a bit more powerful, like a countdown, a beat back to the rhythm of your 100 words. Just a suggestion, you of course know your story better than I do!

Hey! This was incredible! It's so short yet so effective. I entirely agree with MeganKat on her review, but just wanted to add a few things myself. First of all, you've only written 100 words and I'm already so into your writing, I think that's amazing! Few writers are able to achieve that which makes you very talented. Your writing style is so simple but so captivating, I really like that. Great job! I hope to read more of your writings later on.