Young Writers Society

Death was what awaited her inside those cool black doors. They swung open cautiously, the girl dashing in- the one who would be forever nameess in this world after today. Shoulder length brown hair swaying, her icy blue eyes stared straight at the Lion pacing in front of her. It wasn't just any lion; it was the Wilderlion. Its sharp claws caused paralasys, and it's bite was instant death. The compeltly black beast growled at her presence. "I give up, Lion." The girl cooed to the beast as it paced aimlessly.

It hissed at her. Without warning it started to sprint.

"But wait, Lion. Lion, Lion, sign of death; lion, lion, stopper of beath." She said immedietly. The creature, hearing the rhyme it spoke in, halted.

"Why do you stop me; why don't you leave me be?" It growled back to her.

"Tell the king I love him so; tell the king I have to go."

The lion stared at the girl as if she was crazy.

"For that, the king would have my head; it would hang above his royal bed."

"Then flee before he can kill; Use all of your skill."

The lion's shaggy head nodded.

"If you let me kill you quick, I''d kill you like a I'd kill a chick."

"I beg painfree, kind sir; make it be a quickened blurr."

The lion obeyed her orders. Within the moment, she had all she had wanted for the past years; death.

Alright, great story! I love the ending: It's unexpected, because even though her fate is determined from the beginning, the reader expects a struggle of some sort, or at least some notion of escape. I also love the language you used in the story. Not only just the words, but the figurative language. For example:

Death was what awaited her inside those cool black doors. They swung open cautiously, the girl dashing in

Here you used personification to describe how the doors opened. This helps to paint an image in the readers head.

I did notice a few grammatical errors shown below:

the one who would be forever nameess in this world after today.

Here, I think you meant to write "nameless."

Its sharp claws caused paralasys, and it's bite was instant death.

Here, paralysis is spelt wrong.

The compeltly black beast growled at her presence.

Here, completely is spelt wrong.

"But wait, Lion. Lion, Lion, sign of death; lion, lion, stopper of beath."

You wrote "beath" Instead of breath here.

Other then those mistakes, the story is great! I love how you incorporated poetry into your story as well. Keep writing!