--“Mr. Swan, I’m afraid I have bad news.”
“Is it that my cancer’s spreading?”
--“Why yes…yes it is.”
“It’s in my brain now?”
--“I—it is.”
I told you.
“That’s unfortunate. How bad is it?”
Very.
--“It’s serious, Mr. Swan.”
“And is it treatable?”
--“I’m afraid it’s not that simple.”
It never is.
“I thought it didn’t spread till stage four.”
--“It doesn’t.”
“You mean I skipped a stage?”
--“It just …took a turn for the worse.”
“So you mean I skipped a stage and you didn’t tell me?”
--“It just happened fast. Sometimes the outcome can change like that.”
“This isn’t a fucking sports game, Doc.”
--“It’s Dr. Dovetail.”
“If I wanted to call you ‘Doctor’ I would have done that. Now tell me what happens next.”
***
There’s a pirate behind that register.
--“Arrrrrrg! Hey, Mike.”
“Hey, Samantha. Nice pirate hat.”
--“Thanks.”
“What’s the occasion?”
--“Uh…Halloween? It’s this month!”
“They make you wear those things right now?”
--“They don’t make us wear them.”
Cheeky girl.
“Sorry about last time I was in here, kinda brushed you off.”
--“It’s all good in the hood.”
“Cute.”
--“So what two things are you buying today?”
“Four things, actually.”
--“Ooooh, big spender. Let’s see what you got.”
“Aspirin, peptobismol, breath mints, aaaaand…some apples.”
--“You okay?”
“Yeah, just a touch of the flu. The October flu.”
--“I hear that’s a bad one.”
“Like you wouldn’t believe.”
--“You look a little tired, lost some weight?”
“Been working out, curling the old ten pounders.”
--“Manly man.”
“Always. But look, I was wondering, when I’m not busy or sick or curling children’s barbells, what say we maybe…uh, go get some food…or see a movie or something?”
Michael Swan: Smooth Criminal.
--“Like a date?”
“Like a date.”
--“Why, Mr. Swan, I thought you’d never ask.”
***
“Hey Samantha, it’s me Mike. I was just calling the number you gave me to see when you were free. I don’t know if you’re busy or at work, probably one of those things. So I’ll, uh, I’ll just give you a call later when you aren’t busy…or at work. Yeah…alright…bye.”
What the hell’s wrong with you?
“I have no idea.”
“Hello?”
--“Is this Mike?”
“It is.”
--“Hey Mike, it’s Sam.”
Hey, least she called you back.
“Oh hey, Samantha.”
--“So I got your message…”
Oh, now you done it.
“Yeah, about that…”
--“It was sweet. And I’m free tonight. What’d you have in mind?”
“How’d you enjoy the movie, Samantha?”
--“Loved it. And stop calling me ‘Samantha’, we’re not in a supermarket right now. Call me Sam.”
“Alright…Sam.”
Score 1 for Mr. Swan.
--“What made you want to see 50/50 anyways? Cancer comedy your thing?”
“Oh yeah, love cancer, everything about it.”
--“I’m being serious.”
“Really? I couldn’t tell.”
--“Mike.”
“Okay, okay, it just seems like something I can relate to right now.”
Careful now.
--“Huh?”
“And I also like Seth Rogan.”
“So what do you think happens when we die, Sam?”
--“We’re lying on a car hood next to each other under the stars and that’s what you want to ask me?”
“Not romantic enough?”
--“You’re a weird guy, Mike.”
“I know, but seriously.”
--“What do I think happens when we die?”
“What do you think happens when we die?”
--“I don’t know. I’d like to think there’s something else beyond this. Maybe not a Heaven, with fluffy clouds and all that crap, but something better, something bigger. Simpler, but bigger. A place where maybe not all our problems are solved, but where it’s just good enough.”
“Something like what’s going on right now?”
--“Something like that.”
--“I had a good time tonight, Mike.”
“Me too, Sam.”
--“You know, uh, I’m not very good at this part, but you can come in…if you’d like.”
“I’m not very good at this either.”
--“We’ve got something in common, at least.”
“Believe me when I say I’d like that, but I’ve gotta get going.”
Nice work, showing restraint. I like it.
--“Really?”
“Yeah, I’ve got work.”
--“Always keeping busy.”
“Always. Anything you need before I go?”
--“I’d settle for a kiss.”
“Um…okay. Lips or cheek?”
Are you serious?
--“Surprise me.”
***
Sure got out of there fast. Smooth exit though. Back home now, huh? What’re we up to? Ah…vomiting I see. Good show.
“Ugh…oh God, Bob, please stop talking.”
How long you been holding that in, big guy?
“About an hour into seeing Seth Rogan on screen.”
Well you kept your cool, like a pro. Say, what’d you think Sam meant when she asked if you wanted to come inside—
“What the hell is that?”
What’s what?
“In the bowl.”
The vomit?“
No, to the side. Is that hair?”
We knew this was coming.
“I just didn’t think it’d be this soon.”
We never do.
***
--“Mike, it’s Sam.”
“Hey.”
--“I haven’t seen or heard from you in a while. Was wondering if you were still okay.”
“I’m fine. Just been feeling a bit under the weather.”
--“Old October Flu again?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
--“Alright, I’m just checking. I wanted to make sure everything was good between us.”
“Nothing bad could come between us.”
--“Good to know.”
“I’ll talk to you later, Sam.”
--“Bye, Mike.”
So I guess I missed the part where you tell her you’re bald.
***
“Mr. Harpner?”
--“Hello Mike, come on in.”
“Thank you, sir.”
--“I see you’ve lost weight.”
“I have.”
--“You look tired.”
“I am tired.”
--“So what did you need?”
“I just wanted to tell you that this may be my last day here. I’ve started chemo, as you can probably tell, and it’s going to be keeping me busy for the foreseeable future.”
--“I understand.”
“I just want you to know how much I enjoyed it here.”
--“I enjoyed having you.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t contribute more to this company.”
--“Shut up, Mike.”
“I’m sorry.”
--“I said ‘shut up’. You stop acting all down. Stop moping. It’s gotten worse, but you’re not out yet. You kick this thing right in the balls. Right in its fat, hairy balls, pardon the imagery. That position will still be available when you get back, but when you do get back get ready to be buried, because I’m gonna dump so much work on you you’ll wish that son of a bitch had gotten you first. You hear me?”
“Yes sir.”
***
You can’t tell her, Michael.
“I’m not going to keep dodging her, Bob.”
I don’t think you’ve thought this through.
“There’s nothing for me to think about, I’m telling her.”
It’s your funeral.
“What is that supposed to mean?
***
“Hey Sam.”
--“Hey Mi—whoa! That’s, uh, quite a new hairstyle you got there.”
“It’s not a hairstyle.”
--“So you just went the old buzz cut route? I can get on board with that.”
“I didn’t get a haircut.”
--“Then what the hell happened to all your hair?”
“It fell out.”
--“What?”
“Well, that’s not true; most of it fell out and then I shaved the rest off.”
--“What are you talking about?”
“Sam, I’ve got cancer.”
***
I told you not to tell her, not to show her.
“I had to.”
You could have just not answered the calls.
“I’m not that kind of person.”
Of course you are. You’re shy. You don’t know what to do.
“I know enough to know that I’d rather tell her the truth than lie and hurt her.”
And do you think she isn’t hurting now?
“Stop it.”
I’m just worried about you, Michael. You’re my fri—
“Fuck you! You’re just a diseased part of me. You’re nothing but a lump of death and I hate you for that. If I could I’d cut you out myself.”
Michael, you need to calm down.
“You are not my friend. You never will be. Now just hurry up and die.”
***
“Who is it?”
--“Can you open the door, Mike?”
“Sam, is that you? How’d you find my apartment?”
--“I went to your office. Your boss, Mr. Harpner, gave me your address. He’s a cool dude. Told me to check in on you and make sure you’re not being a whiney bitch. His words.”
“How’d you know where I work?”
--“You told me, like, two months ago.”
“And you remembered that?”
--“You’ve been visiting me a long time, Mike. Now can you open the door, I’m freezing out here.”
--“I did a lot of thinking about what you told me. And I can’t really believe I didn’t catch on earlier. Going see a cancer comedy, that talk about death, you not wanting to stay over.”
“The movie was just a coincidence. I really did want to see that.”
--“Still, you weren’t exactly subtle.”
“Subtlety’s never been my strong point.”
--“So how long have you known?”
“About a month.”
--“A whole month?”
“Yep.”
--“How bad is it?”
“Pretty bad.”
--“And the odds?”
“Well, significantly worse than 50/50.”
--“Tell me.”
“Eight percent.”
--“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
--“I’ve played worse hands before.”
--“You know, it’s cold outside…”
“It’s up to your knees out there.”
--“I should be going…”
“Baby, you’ll freeze out there.”
--“But since you’re feeling bad…”
“Think of my life-long sorrow.”
--“Mike, be serious.”
“Aren’t I always?”
--“I’m thinking I should stay over tonight.”
“I can’t really do anything physical, Sam.”
--“Get your head out of the gutter. I just want to make sure you’re okay. And I don’t feel like going back to my car.”
“I think you’re right, just look at the storm out there.”
--“Mike.”
“I’ll stop.”
--“Good morning.”
“Good morning.”
--“You sleep well?”
“Aside all the times I got up to vomit, yeah.”
--“Feeling better?”
“A little bit, yeah. You know it’s odd, Bob’s usually the one to wake me up.”
--“Who?”
“I’ll explain later.”
--“By the way, you got a call from the doctor’s office. I tried to wake you but you were pretty out of it. Dr. Dovetail said he wanted to speak with you about the results of your latest chemotherapy run.”
“Can’t wait for that.”
--“He actually sounded kind of excited.”
“Really?”
--“Really.”
“I better call him back then.”
--“Yep. Soooo…Dr. Dovetail?”
“I know, right?”
***
--“I have good news, Mr. Swanson.”
“I can use some good news right about now.”
--“I have your latest chemo results right here and the results…they’re pretty outstanding.”
“How outstanding is ‘outstanding’?”
--“‘Outstanding’ is very outstanding.”
“Outstanding.”
--“It seems as though not only have we seen a stop in the growth of cancer cells around the origin site, but the mass that has spread is now dying off. That in particular is excellent news. You’re no longer stage four. Hell, you’re barely a stage two.”
“You’re shitting me.”
--“No, not at all; quite the opposite. I’m completely serious. Your tumor mass has shrunk a total of seventy eight percent.”
“Se—seventy eight?”
--“Seventy eight.”
“That’s good, right?”
--“The best I’d projected for the treatment was a twenty percent reduction. Now this doesn’t mean we’re out of the woods yet, but we’ve bought some time. We’ll keep the treatment’s going and monitor the process.”
“So it’s good, right?”
--“It’s outstanding.”
***
“You know, Sam, I think you’re really neat.”
--“Neat? Is that the word for it?”
“It’s a word. Not the best one, I’ll admit.”
--“But it works.”
“Yeah, yeah it does.”
--“You know you don’t have to pretend.”
“Pretend how?”
--“Pretend that you’re really into a nerd like me.”
“Sam, stop doing that.”
--“Doing what?”
“Putting yourself down. So you’re a nerd, who cares? You think I do? I figured that out about you right away, and it makes me like you even more.”
--“That why you asked Adam for my schedule, so you could come and bask in my nerdiness?”
“He told you about that?”
--“Of course.”
“He told me he didn’t.”
--“Guess he lied.”
“Wow…”
-- “You okay, Mike?”
“Yeah, Sam, I’m good. Just enjoying the silence.”
***
I’m still here, you know.
“I know.”
I’m quiet, but I’m here.
“I know.”
Are you happy?
“I am.”
Happy with life, with Samantha?
“I am.”
That’s good. I want you to be happy. Even in the end, I want you—
“Bob.”
Yes, Michael?
“Shut up.”
A
Gender:
Points: 9094
Reviews: 120