Young Writers Society

Step one is to begin a descent into madness, at least one type of madness. This must be the first and initial descent because to fall downhill, you must at least be on top of one.

You inadvertently fall prey to this madness, only too late understanding that you walked right into it. Your madness is fear.

Step two is to allow this fear to take such a hold of you that madness [the now aparent madness made obvious by the way you tap your foot and put on hand sanitizer] seems to be the only picture of the future. Dwell miserably in this fear, this madness, this fear of madness, and grow paralyzed, trapped inside not only your mind but your bedroom. Just stare out the window because there is nothing left for you now.

Step three: realize something and awaken from your stupor of emptiness, at least to some extent. Although you are still dead, a spark of life still thoroughly remains and you consider the idea of revival, of triumph, and you realize maybe this madness isn't quite as powerful as it previously appeared. And though you still rub your hands and stare out the window, you dream of staring no longer.

Step four, and this is the worst. You will either live or die, or die trying to live. You have the option to go mad or to go mad, but the one of the latter is the most desired at this point.

Stare outside through that window and tell me you are not alive. Tell me that you're breathing because you aren't. Tell me that those clouds are afraid of falling because they're not. Tell me that you aren't falling even though you are.

In this step, this most crucial of steps, I'm telling you to go mad, destroy the boundaries between safe and unknown. Please light yourself on fire. Rip apart your internal mechanism because somewhere inside that heart of yours, you're dying to start breathing again. Don't be afraid just because you're not sure if you should be afraid or not. And perhaps there is a madness in all this rebellion; after all, you will be dismantling all your previously established regulations in which you were supposed to live safely by. But look at you now. Staring out the window.

Step four.

Inhale.

Step foreward.

Inhale.

Step five.

Fresh air is the lightest thing, and the clouds look more beautiful from the outisde, don't they?

This is so quirky that I just had to write a review.

Couple of things I noticed:

Step four, and this is the worst. You will either live or die, or die trying to live. You have the option to go mad or to go mad, but the one of the latter is the most desired at this point.

Stare outside through that window and tell me you are not alive. Tell me that you're breathing because you aren't. Tell me that those clouds are afraid of falling because they're not. Tell me that you aren't falling even though you are.

In this step, this most crucial of steps, I'm telling you to go mad, destroy the boundaries between safe and unknown. Please light yourself on fire. Rip apart your internal mechanism because somewhere inside that heart of yours, you're dying to start breathing again. Don't be afraid just because you're not sure if you should be afraid or not. And perhaps there is a madness in all this rebellion; after all, you will be dismantling all your previously established regulations in which you were supposed to live safely by. But look at you now. Staring out the window.

Step four.

My question is- was this done on purpose, or was it a simple mistake?

Nitpicks:

[the now aparent madness made obvious by the way you tap your foot and put on hand sanitizer]

Best to use these ( ) brackets.

Step foreward.

Step forward.

Step four, and this is the worst.

",and this is the worst" could be rewritten.

In this step, this most crucial of steps, I'm telling you to go mad, destroy the boundaries between safe and unknown.

In this step, this most crucial of steps, I'm telling you to go mad, destroy the boundaries between the safe and the unknown.

But look at you now. Staring out the window.

I'm going to be the nasty English teacher here, and say your second sentence isn't a complete one because it is a dependent clause. Join the two with a comma.

Overall Thoughts:
I'm not sure if this is supposed to be meaningful or comedic, but right now, I'm leaning towards the latter. Nevertheless, if your intent was for the previous, I'd suggest maybe adding in a scenario (for instance, "my mother succumbed to the same madness", so it sounds her madness is real), and if your intent was for the latter, put in more exaggerations to make us laugh.
But I'd say generally you used an nice choice of words, and mostly, the structure was sound.

Keep up the good work!
-Maddy

Honestly, I didn't think this was very good. You obviously have an decent grasp on sentence structure and language, however you seem to use a lot of words that are, esentially, meaningless in the greater scheme of things.

A piece of writing should be able to stand on its own. That is, the reader should be left understanding what they've just read or at least be able to construct their own interpretation of it. When I read this, I had no idea what you were trying to achieve.

This part, in particular, confused me;

Step four.

Inhale.

Step foreward.

Inhale.

Step five.

Short, punchy sentences are normally used to quicken the pace of stories or to add dramatic effect. But here it seemed confusing, because you were just using fragments of sentences without really showing why they were used.

You also use some clumsy sentences, such as:

to fall downhill, you must at least be on top of one.

You must be on top of what? A hill? I think you are trying to use a metaphor here, but instead it reads strangely and like you literally mean madness is falling down a hill.

I hope what I have said here is at least somewhat useful. I think you could be a good writer if you focused more on things which are perhaps more plot-driven and have some tangible characters, rather than forced-abstract pieces.

- Heather