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Young Writers Society


Cats Say Miao



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Sun Oct 02, 2011 5:14 am
SuperSquirrel says...



Johnny, leaning forward in his seat, focused on the road ahead. He said, “You’re right, thank goodness it’s not a cross country meet, or a scholastic bowl meet, or anything like that.”

David took a look outside at the corn and soybeans passing by on the sides of the road, illuminated in the headlights. It was cloudy. David didn’t know if the moon was full, new, or anything in between. It didn’t matter to him, either.

Johnny turned the music up on the car radio.

David said, “But if we get lost going to something like that, it’s not something fun we’re missing.”

“We’ll get there eventually,” Johnny said.

“Where’d we go wrong, anyways?”

“I think it was that my 7’s look like 1’s. So you said to get off at exit twenty-seven.”

“I read it how I thought it was read, geez.”

“No, it’s fine. No worries. We’ve turned around already.”

“Seriously? I mean, we’ve missed out on half an hour. That doesn’t bug you?”

Johnny said, “Yeah, it wish we got there on time, but it doesn’t help anything to worry about it.”

“I still feel pretty bad about it,” insisted David.

“Don’t worry about it.”

The tires hummed while rolling on the concrete at sixty-five until Johnny saw the exit sign. The humming faded away as he turned off on exit twenty-one. Johnny asked “Left or right here?”

David looked at the sheet. “It says… to the right. Then the next turn is Elmwood Lane. It’s in about ten miles.”

“Sounds good,” Johnny sighed. “Hey, I’ve got something kinda big to talk about. You know about four weeks ago, when I had that wisdom teeth operation?”

David smirked. “Yeah, you would not shut up about it and your medicine. I doubt anyone could forget that this soon.”

Johnny chuckled. “Well, right about that time, this cat started following me around.”

“Did you name it?” David remarked.

“No, I tried a few, but she liked none of them.”

“Hah, that’s funny that a cat just started following you around.”

“It’s not like she had a choice, I was hallucinating.”

David put his head in his hands and chuckled, but he said, “Sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing.”

“No, go right ahead. I can’t believe it myself sometimes. I start to think, ‘Was I crazy? Did I imagine it all?’ ” Johnny paused. “That’s not the right question; I was crazy and I did imagine it all. Oh, goodness.”

“What happened?” asked David.

“It started the night after they gave me the painkillers. I had been falling asleep while listening to music, and I do that a lot, but my iPod had run out of power and I was just lying there and thinking – it seems so long ago now. I was in that half-asleep stage where I knew where I was, but I didn’t have any logic; I’d link nonsense with nothing and ramble on and on. I remember thinking that Jimi Hendrix should meet up with John Mayer and write an album about Roman mythology.

“But I started thinking about art, and what that’s supposed to be, and then I saw what looked like a cat, but it was blue, and asked her what she thought on my current topic. We talked for, say, about an hour. I enjoyed it a lot, honestly. It was like talking to a good friend who really knew me.”

“Wow. I don’t know what to say. That’s a pretty big deal.”

David looked backwards as they passed a street. “Johnny, did you know you just blew past that stop sign?”

Johnny took a breath. “Shoot, shoot-shoot-shoot, I shouldn’t be explaining this while I’m driving. I can’t do both at the same time.”

“Do you want me to drive? I’ve got my license with me,” David offered.

“I think that might work.”

Johnny looked for a place to pull over and switch drivers, but continued talking.

“After I woke up that morning, I felt pretty sad that she wasn’t there. I realized I was dreaming then, but I still missed that cat. And to my surprise, she was there – a bit fuzzy, I guess, like a melting idea, a bit streaky or blurry when she moved. She followed me to school, and I held doors open for her and stuff. Of course, I was worried to some extent about the fact I was hallucinating, but the cat was so nice and it felt so good to talk to her. I was lost in my head then; I was wandering in my own thoughts. I felt small, like I wasn’t the size of my body, like I really was deeper inside and I only had influence on what I did, not full control. When she talked to me, though, it was like a separate world; it was as if I was in another partition of my mind. Everything else seemed to quiet when she spoke.”

Johnny drove into the parking lot and parked the car. They both got out, then switched sides.

David passed the directions to the party as he quipped, “At least you can read your own handwriting this time.”

Johnny laughed. “We aren’t too far from getting there. I wonder if they’d be worried about us.”

“Come on, really? They’d miss us that much? Yeah, we’ll get there and I’ll get a hug from every single person who showed up because they all thought we died. I don’t even like hugs.”

“I’d enjoy it if that happened. I’ve felt like crap ever since that cat left. I mean, it’s like I met someone I really got along with. I guess that makes sense, considering it probably was entirely a figment of my imagination. But it felt real, and I really missed her when she was gone. I still miss her. I talked to her so much. To have someone who knows you so well… she was my real companion for that short time, she was someone who I shared my darkest secrets with and laughed with, and then she was gone. She was there for three days. Three. Days. That was all.

“Man, I feel like an idiot. I had a crush on a freaking cat. A cat that was a figment of my imagination. Go stick me in the loony bin right now, I’m sure it’s not too far from wherever I happen to be. And why do I go and tell this all to you, it just makes it all worse. What am I doing? What am I doing thinking I could have driven all the way here? Whatever it is, whatever’s happening to me, it’s not healthy.

Johnny closed his eyes, rested his head over the top of the headrest, and tried to take deep breaths.

David turned onto Elmwood Lane. He asked Johnny, “Hey, what’s their address? What should I be looking for?”

Johnny only wiped his eyes and put his head in his hands. He started muttering.

David looked at Johnny and realized he should find out himself. He scanned the sheet of directions for the answer and then returned it to its place.

Johnny’s voice became audible. “…healthy, it’s not healthy, it’s not healthy. Oh, to hell with it all, take me away now. I dream about a pretty kitty and then I whine about it when she disappears. How come I care about this pretty kitty, but I can’t have that same care about my friends. It’s not healthy. It’s an full and total tragedy.”

Johnny interlocked his fingers around his neck and cried.

The cornstalks passed by in the headlights.

“You care about us.”

The car turned into the gravel driveway.

David looked at Johnny. “You care about us.

He stepped out of the driver’s seat and shut the door with a thuwmp.

Johnny clicked the door open, stepped out and took a deep breath. He caught sight of a shade or a smear of glowing blue not too far off – a reachable distance. David watched Johnny stare off into the bushes for a time.

Johnny turned away and followed David into the house, where he knew his friends would be waiting.
  





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Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:43 am
Lavvie says...



Hi there SuperSquirrel.

Alright. Um, I feel really stupid right now. I read this over about three times, but I still don't understand what the underlying meaning of the story is. It just seems bizarre and like it has no point. Please don't take offense - I'm only stating my personal opinion. Perhaps I'm not reading very deep into it but no matter how hard I think about it, I hardly come close to a metaphorical idea that you might've placed within the story.

So, because of all that, I can't really give you a review about the substance but I can about mechanics and its formation and/or development.

Firstly (and maybe lastly), I'd like to discuss how you executed whatever this story is. The majority of it is only dialogue with little description and emotion. Dialogue is great, don't get me wrong, but when it's overused and can really slaughter the rest of a story. It then creates an almost scripted feel - for example, for a play like one of Shakespeare's. And then the actions and emotions represented are all put aside in brackets in a font size of point 10. Like really small and useless. I think it's important to incorporate all aspects of a good short story in working order: description, dialogue and creativity. You definitely have a dependable dialogue going on, but I suggest that you try and cut it down and include a lot of details so the audience may be able to relate to your characters. It's really important and detail is a sure way to personalize a story of any kind.

There's not much I can say when I'm confused about the story and for that I am sorry. You might want to be a little more coherent with where things are going.

Yours,
Lavvie


What is to give light must endure burning. – Viktor Frankl
  





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Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:36 am
8.Hikari.21 says...



Of course, stories should have detail/descriptions, I agree with LavendarBlue, but it also depends on what you're going for in a story. If the dialogue is really important (which I think it is in your story considering that the main focus of the story is told through dialogue) then you should definitely keep the descriptions to somesort of minimum.

Personally, I liked it. But then again, I guess you could say that I have a fixation on what people would normally call odd stories. haha. But it was interesting. Now, your main goal wasn't exactly clear though. Exploring the human mind? What people discover when hallucinating? How people find love in the strangest things? You don't know what you have till it's gone? Those, I think, are all plausible themes to your story. And, it is welcome to be interpreted however one wants--unless you wrote it with an intended reason. Then you need to work on clearly writing out the theme. Other than that it was pretty well written. :D
"Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is the small voice at the end of the day that says,
"I will try again tomorrow." "
~Unknown
  





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Tue Oct 04, 2011 6:54 pm
SmylinG says...



Hi there. :mrgreen:

Well, this was certainly interesting. Although, I'm still not quite sure where the inspiration stems from exactly. Or what inspiration could have possibly driven this out of you. It all seems so far out of the box. I really have no issues with this piece in that sense, despite me thinking this. No, I suppose I can greatly respect it's odd quality. There were, however, quite a few things I did find myself disagreeing with as I read.

For one, speaking in general, the writing seemed rather choppy. What I mean by this is as I was reading, everything seemed to piece together in rough little bits. The dialogue between characters wasn't stitched together as seemlessly or as realistically as I would have liked to've seen. And this entire scene seemed to be based around the structure of dialogue. If your dialogue isn't rich, the writing will appear rather weak. The fact that this was written solely in dialogue leads me to feel much disruption in the flow of things.

Another thing I was a bit at odds with was the relationship between these two friends. As Johnny was confiding in David this whole thing about the cat and whatnot, David was all very chill about it. It didn't seem he reacted quite as realistically as he should have. I mean, Johnny was speaking very loosely and odd. Wouldn't his friend seem concerned? No, he more so behaves nonchalantly on the matter whilst Johnny is having an episode rant about this glowing blue cat that was his friend while he was disoriented off pain killers. A bit odd, for sure. You might want to think about fixing this up some, making a few tweaks on David's character. Perhaps even making a few tweaks on Johnny's character might be best. The manner in which he spoke was a bit out there for someone who was no longer thinking off the influence of drugs.

Which brings me to my next point. Doesn't it seem a bit odd to you that Johnny would be seeing this hallucination of the cat at school? Doesn't it seem weird that he might be attending school while in this unstable state of mind? That's what I gathered from it. I would think that maybe, possibly, he could be having a hallucination like this on the first day. But you carry this on for a few days. It doesn't seem like a very set in stone angle. It's a bit flimsy in the sense that something like this may in fact not have happened at all in real life.

So overall, I do think this could probably use some solid improving. The dialogue was a tad messy, and Johnny's telling of the story may have come off a wee bit over dramatic from my point of view, the reader's point of view. Perhaps you can smooth it out a bit. There's no denying that this is in fact a very unique and interesting piece of work, but it could use some great fixing up, I think. If you have any questions or comments at all concerning my review, you may PM me, and I'll surely get back to you. :]

-Smylin'
Paul is my little, evil, yellow bundle of joy.
  








"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind