Young Writers Society

Once upon a time all the animals in Australia had special powers. The kangaroos could jump really high, the ant-eaters had a hoover as a nose and lastly, the koalas were very active.

The koalas could run very fast, swing from the trees and were so cute and cuddly that they stunned all their predators. They had the best powers of all the animals in Australia. However, the other animals were not jealous. The koalas wanted them to be jealous, so they started to boast. On their daily visit to the waterhole, the elder koalas told creative stories to the baby animals. But the other koalas were naughty. They boasted and boasted. They boasted about their strength, their speed and worst of all their cleverness. They boasted so much, that sometimes they forgot to drink the water that they went to the waterhole to get! Soon the other animals got very annoyed and decided to hold a meeting to debate about what to do with the koalas.

“We need to do something about those boastful koalas!” the giraffes announced.
“Yes!” All the animals agreed.
“But… what are we going to do to teach them a lesson?” the birds chirped.
All the animals thought and thought. They thought until their heads hurt.
“Let’s come back tomorrow.” The camels sighed. The other animals nodded in agreement.

The next day, after hearing the koalas boasting yet again, all the animals were more determined than ever. They sat down and thought harder.
“I have an idea!” the ant-eater snuffled. “Let’s issue them a challenge to clean up all of the animal poo in Australia! They are so boastful that they’ll have to accept!”
“Yes! That’ll take them a long time!” the elephants agreed. The elephants got so excited, that they sprayed everyone with water.

The next day, the koalas were boasting as usual.
“If you are so clever, you must be up for a challenge?” the gazelles stated. The koalas looked very unsure as the zebras explained the challenge.
“So you’re not up for the challenge? You can’t do it can you?” The monkeys teased.
“Oh yes we can!” The koalas answered. “We’ll do it, and then tell you all about it afterwards!”

Off went the koalas. The animals thought they wouldn’t see them for a long time, but they were wrong. There had been a flaw in the ant-eaters plan. Since the koalas were so active they easily ran all the way around Australia with bin bags, picking up the poo. They told animals not to poo for the next couple of hours as they went past. So for a few minutes, there was no poo in Australia. The next day, the koalas were there by the waterhole, boasting about their new adventure. The boasting was worse than it had been before.

“We need to think of another plan.” The elephants said, once the koalas were gone.
“All we did was make the boasting worse than it had been!” the monkeys complained.
“Let’s stop complaining and start thinking,” the bouncy kangaroos decided.
So all the animals thought and thought, until one of the animals came up with another idea.
“Let’s challenge them to a game of tug of war against the monkeys!” the snakes hissed. “The monkeys can tie the tails to the trees, so that they never can lose!”
“What a good idea!” the monkeys agreed.

So the next day, the monkeys challenged the koalas again. The koalas looked very worried. After all, they didn’t like to lose.
“So you’re not up for the challenge? You can’t do it can you?” the monkeys teased.
“Oh yes we can!” the koalas answered. “We’ll do it and tell everyone about it afterwards.”
The tug of war game started. The monkeys tied their tails to the trees, so that they couldn’t lose. But once again there was a flaw in the plan. The koalas were so energetic that they pulled extremely hard. They pulled and pulled. They pulled so hard that the trees snapped
and the monkeys fell at the koala’s feet.

The third day at the waterhole the koalas boasted about winning the tug of war challenge. They boasted and boasted. They boasted so much, that all the animals had headaches, especially the elephants because they have such big ears.

“We need to do something about those koalas,” the elephants announced.
“We’ve failed two times! The plan has to be really good!” the birds chirped.
The elder koalas never boasted, but told stories to the baby animals. They had decided to join the meeting. They came up with a great plan. There couldn’t be a flaw in their plan, since they were koalas themselves. The plan was to send the koalas off to steal the golden egg from the goddess of animals, Kazuki. No one dared to do that. But the koalas were full of so much pride, that they agreed to this new dangerous challenge.

The koalas went off. The next day they didn’t come to the waterhole. Or the next day. Or the day after that. In fact, the boastful koalas never came to the waterhole again. The other animals wondered what had happened. They sent the birds to go and find out. The next day the birds returned with a message.

“The koalas got caught stealing the golden eggs. Kazuki has placed a spell on all koalas. A spell cast with such strong magic that it can not be broken. The koalas have lost all their power. They are very lazy now. They spend most of their lives sleeping. And when they are awake, all they do is hug the trees, and chew on leaves. The only part of their power they were permitted to keep was their cuteness.”

So the animals never heard or saw the koalas again and lived happily ever after.

Hi there!

Aw, this is such a cute story! I've actually never tried writing a children's story, but I think it's a great idea. I love how you chose a certain animal to focus on, but you also brought in other animals. It was good that you had many characters all working together. You did a good job writing the story and also teaching a lesson within it. There's actually two lesson I found. One is the concept of not boasting and being humble. The second one I found is the concept of working together. All of the animals came together and tried to get rid of the koalas.

Overall this is a great story. If you ever thought of drawing some pictures to go with this story as well, you should post them! Keep writing!

Hi there!

First off I must say that this story made me smile. Particularly the part about the koalas being energetic, I just couldn't get that thought out of mind. Running koalas! But anyway, this is a sweet story that you should really be proud of! I like the ending, It sounds a bit like the aboriginal stories about how animals came to be.

Great effort, and I would suggest you write more stories like this.

~ T.K

Hi, Deanie!

What an amazing idea. I think you need to test it out on an adorable 3 year old now! Anyway...

The Good
I loved how there was a range of different animals in this. It's a great way to keep the kids interested and their imagination alive - not many of them will have seen a monkey or a Koala (unless they've been Down Under) so that's really cool

I also liked the morals! The important bits of stories for little kiddies. Noelle stated 'em both but I think they're really good ones, especially that they're more subtle so it doesn't sound like a lesson on 'HOW TO BE A GOOD BOY/GIRL' or that the book is in a series where the next one is for teens and talking about why drugs are bad and how not to be violent.

Finally, I loved the idea of the challenges. Imagine a 3 year old being the koala and picking up all his clothes from the floor as the first challenge or trying to see who can touch the wall first without mummy seeing or something. Great idea!

Possible improvements
Two things as well although they're pretty minor

1. I'd have liked to hear some of the Koalas boasting. Just to see what they can do and what the others can't.

2.

Deanie wrote:They pulled and pulled. They pulled so hard that the trees snapped

and the monkeys fell at the koala’s feet.

Should be one paragraph

Overall
Awesome! You should - as Noelle said - illustrate this. That'd be really cool. I enjoyed it a lot myself!

Keep Writing,
Mac

Deanie,

Hehe. This was too cute. I laughed in several places ^_^ I agree with most of the reviewers above and Ahmadblues made a good point, would've liked you to show us how the koalas boasted.

So my nitpicks, surprisingly few:

Once upon a time, all the animals in Australia had special powers. The kangaroos could jump really high, the ant-eaters had a hoover as a nose and lastly, the koalas were very active. What is a hoover? Like a vacuum?

The koalas could run very fast, swing from the trees and were so cute and cuddly that they stunned all their predators. They had the best powers of all the animals in Australia. However, the other animals were not jealous. The koalas wanted them to be jealous, so they started to boast. On their daily visit to the waterhole, the elder koalas told creative stories to the baby animals. I would include the bit here about how the elder koalas did not boast instead of including it near the end. But the other koalas were naughty. They boasted and boasted. They boasted about their strength, their speed and worst of all their cleverness. They boasted so much, that sometimes they forgot to drink the water that they went to the waterhole to get! Soon, the other animals got very annoyed and decided to hold a meeting to debate about what to do with the koalas.

“We need to do something about those boastful koalas!” the giraffes announced.

“Yes!” All the animals agreed.

“But… what are we going to do to teach them a lesson?” the birds chirped.

All the animals thought and thought. They thought until their heads hurt.

“Let’s come back tomorrow.” The camels sighed. The other animals nodded in agreement. lol!

The next day, after hearing the koalas boasting yet again, all the animals were more determined than ever. They sat down and thought harder.

“I have an idea!” the ant-eater snuffled. “Let’s issue them a challenge to clean up all of the animal poo in Australia! They are so boastful that they’ll have to accept!”

“Yes! That’ll take them a long time!” the elephants agreed. The elephants got so excited, that they sprayed everyone with water.

The next day, the koalas were boasting as usual.

“If you are so clever, you must be up for a challenge?” the gazelles stated asked. The koalas looked very unsure as the zebras explained the challenge.

“So you’re not up for the challenge? You can’t do it can you?” The monkeys teased.

“Oh yes we can!” The koalas answered. “We’ll do it, and then tell you all about it afterwards!”

Off went the koalas. The animals thought they wouldn’t see them for a long time, but they were wrong. There had been a flaw in the ant-eaters plan. Since the koalas were so active they easily ran all the way around Australia with bin bags, picking up the poo. They told animals not to poo for the next couple of hours as they went past. So for a few minutes, there was no poo in Australia. The next day, the koalas were there by the waterhole, boasting about their new adventure. The boasting was worse than it had been before.

“We need to think of another plan.” The elephants said, once the koalas were gone. Lol, would've liked to hear the elephants "trumpeted" xP Just to go along with your patterns.

“All we did was make the boasting worse than it had been!” the monkeys complained.

“Let’s stop complaining and start thinking,” the bouncy kangaroos decided.

So all the animals thought and thought, until one of the animals came up with another idea.

“Let’s challenge them to a game of tug of war against the monkeys!” the snakes hissed. “The monkeys can tie the tails to the trees, so that they never can lose!”

“What a good idea!” the monkeys agreed.

So the next day, the monkeys challenged the koalas again. The koalas looked very worried. After all, they didn’t like to lose.

“So you’re not up for the challenge? You can’t do it can you?” the monkeys teased.

“Oh yes we can!” the koalas answered. “We’ll do it and tell everyone about it afterwards.”

The tug of war game started. The monkeys tied their tails to the trees, so that they couldn’t lose. But once again there was a flaw in the plan. The koalas were so energetic that they pulled extremely hard. They pulled and pulled. They pulled so hard that the trees snapped and the monkeys fell at the koala’s feet. lol!

The third day at the waterhole the koalas boasted about winning the tug of war challenge. They boasted and boasted. They boasted so much, that all the animals had headaches, especially the elephants because they have such big ears. Ha!

“We need to do something about those koalas,” the elephants announced.

“We’ve failed two times! The plan has to be really good!” the birds chirped.

The elder koalas never boasted, but told stories to the baby animals. They had decided to join the meeting. They came up with a great plan. There couldn’t be a flaw in their plan, since they were koalas themselves. The plan was to send the koalas off to steal the golden egg from the goddess of animals, Kazuki. No one dared to do that. But the koalas were full of so much pride, that they agreed to this new dangerous challenge.

The koalas went off. The next day they didn’t come to the waterhole. Or the next day. Or the day after that. In fact, the boastful koalas never came to the waterhole again. The other animals wondered what had happened. They sent the birds to go and find out. The next day the birds returned with a message.

“The koalas got caught stealing the golden eggs. Kazuki has placed a spell on all koalas. A spell cast with such strong magic that it can not be broken. The koalas have lost all their power. They are very lazy now. They spend most of their lives sleeping. And when they are awake, all they do is hug the trees, and chew on leaves. The only part of their power they were permitted to keep was their cuteness.”

So the animals never heard or saw the koalas again and lived happily ever after.

Keep writing! And good luck.

~ As always Audy