Young Writers Society

With just a corner of my eye I saw the vet as she approached, and I was well aware of the syringe she held in her shaky hand. During all that time we'd known each other, she grew pretty affectionate of Nei, too, so that must've been hard for her as well. Or maybe she just didn't like to do it, being the caller of death?
"I'm so sorry," she stuttered, "but it has to be done."
I nodded, feeling the growing lump in my throat, and I dropped my head to look at the weakened, haggard body lying nearly inertly on my lap, as the vet lowered herself to the floor beside me and removed the cover from the needle.
"Can I?" I asked and she silently put it in my palm. I shut my eyes tight, took a deep breath, felt a shiver run down my spine--oh, how much I hated to do this! He's in pain, I remembered, in terrible pain. He's too weak to jump or to chew on the harder chunks. He's just suffering on his long way to salvation, and you, bitch, you have to get over your damn egoism and help him out.
When I finally raised my lids, Nei was looking at me with his huge, green eyes, but they lacked his usual glimpse of intelligence. Instead, they were filled with pain, resignation and acceptance, as though he not only knew what was coming, but also craved for relief it would bring.
The vet just sat there, silent, giving me as much time as I needed to say good-bye. But I couldn't, not just yet, for something weird, stuck deep inside me, refused to accept even the mere vision of life without him: without his cat-aids snores, his beautiful smart eyes and the times when he snuggled to my neck on cold nights. But I also knew it wasn't me who mattered here and that he waited impatiently for me to give him this damn fatal shot.
Nei, with difficulty, raised his little paw towards me and attempted to meow, but he was too weak to make the sound hearable; I caught his paw and pressed my lips against it, my eye-lids burning and sore, my vision blurry. I noticed a drop running down his chest fur and I realized it was first of many tears that were about to be shed that day.
"It'll help you," I whispered more to reassure myself than him, as he already seemed to know that. Then, with a sudden outburst of determination, I grabbed a roll of his shoulder skin and forced the needle into it.
As much as he had always hated injections and battled hard to defend himself, Nei was lying still now, waiting for his fate to find its end in the web of his veins. I tossed the syringe on the ground and raised him to my arms, knowing I had only a short while left before he'd fall asleep for ever.
My shattered mind struggled hard against it, but soon it had to accept that this furry thing I was still holding close to my chest wasn't my beloved little kitty anymore--now, it was just a piece of flesh. I wasn't going to see Nei's eyes ever again or to hear him snore, or to feel his warm abdomen embracing my neck--but none of these were completely clear to me, not until I dug my look into purple conveyor, standing at the wall. At that very moment I felt a sob tearing apart my lungs and I wailed loudly into that unhearing ear of his, as I knew that, when I'd carry it home today, the conveyor would be painfully light and empty.

Well..Its good i like the fears of the protagonist.. Its pretty good just one thing you are going a little bit off the topici guess you are showing the fear just be a little more the topic you can describe the characters later on just be cool i think you are a little worried while writing ease it up a little...

And is this the end??? Just tell us more why the character is being injected? where? how? when? why? etc etc
Though i like the girl's description... its pretty good and nice l like about the man Nei good, unique name and i see a good, healthy story

Good work!!! '
Keep up..!

It made me CRY!!!

Hiya there, Volfness,

So, so, sorry I couldn't get to this sooner. With me starting up school and cross country running season my life has been quite hectic with homework and practicing...

Anyways, I'm glad I could get to this now! Remember, if you ever have any questions I'm here for you!

With just a corner of my eye I saw the vet as she approached, and I was well aware of the syringe she held in her shaky hand.

This sentence has too many actions fit into it, the vet holding the syringe and walking toward you is too much. Try separating it into two sentences and it'll make more of an impact and more sense.

During all that time we'd known each other, she'd grown pretty affectionate of Nei, too, so that must've been hard for her as well. Or maybe she just didn't like to do it, to be the caller of death?

"I'm so sorry," she stuttered. "But it has to be done."

I nodded, feeling the growing lump in my throat, and I dropped my head to look at the weakened, haggard body lying nearly inertly on my lap (took out an unnecessary comma here) as the vet lowered herself to the floor beside me and removed the cover from the needle.

Great describing sentence!

"Can I?" I asked and she silently put it in my palm.
I shut my eyes tight, took a deep breath, felt a shiver run down my spine - oh, how much I hated to do this!
He's in pain, I reminded myself, In terrible pain. He's too weak to jump or to chew on the harder chunks (Chew on the harder chunks? Of what? Try and clarify).

I'm not sure if the vet would actually let a patient's owner put them to sleep... You may want to research on that.

Instead, they were filled with pain, resignation and acceptance, as though he not only knew what was coming, but also craved it for the relief it would bring.

But I also knew it wasn't me who mattered here and that he waited impatiently for me to give him this (removed the word 'damn' from here, you didn't need it and it interrupted the flow of the sentence.) fatal shot.

Nei, with difficulty, raised his little paw towards me and attempted to meow, but he was too weak to make the sound hearable. I caught his paw and pressed my lips against it, my eyelids burning and sore, my vision blurry. I noticed a drop running down his chest fur and I realized it was first of my many tears that were about to be shed that day.

My shattered mind struggled hard against it, but soon it had to accept that this furry thing I was still holding close to my chest wasn't my beloved little kitty anymore - now, it was just a piece of flesh. I wasn't going to see Nei's eyes ever again or to hear him snore, or to feel his warm abdomen embracing my neck - but none of these were completely clear to me, not until I dug my look into purple conveyor ('dug my look int purple conveyor'? See if you can use a different word than conveyor and 'dug my look' should probably be ' glanced' or, 'looked'.), standing at the wall.

At that very moment I felt a sob tearing apart my lungs and I wailed loudly into that unhearing ear of his, as I knew that, when I'd carry it home today, the conveyor would be painfully light and empty.

Again, see if you can find a different word to use then 'conveyor'.

Really good job with this.

You had an amazing amount of emotion and the only thing I would elaborate on was the descriptions. What does Nei look like? What about the rest of the animal hospital/vet office? What about you and the vet? See if you can find little ways to slip in some descriptions, like, 'A strand of my blonde hair fell on Nei's light brown body as he took his last, shuddering breath.'?

Also, as usual, anything that I found that was questionable in the work is marked in purple!

Great job with this and I'm so happy that Nei made it through his tough time!

Keep writing,
Just

Aww. The emotion was very good. My 16-year-old cat (known for 15 years) died about 4 years ago. I was away at college at the time, but my dad told me that he cried like a baby in the vet's office. I cried like a baby that night. Now I've got 4 pets, and every now and then, I get sad when I think too far ahead. Need to stay in the present! Anyway!

Or maybe she just didn't like to do it, being the caller of death?

Lose the question mark.

"Can I?" I asked and she silently put it in my palm.

Are you sure they do this? Seems like a HUGE liability if the person accidentally sticks themselves with the needle. I liked the little inner debate that followed this, though.

When I finally raised my lids,

"Raised my lids" is clunky. "opened my eyes" or something feels more natural, though I know it would put "eyes" in that sentence twice and some people are sticklers for "repetition" or some crap.

without his cat-aids snores

...cat-aids...?

raised his little paw towards me and attempted to meow, but he was too weak to make the sound hearable;

Awww, super touching. *sniff* A little cheesy, like a Disney-movie kinda thing, but I guess with something like this, you've gotta milk the emotion.

his fate to find its end in the web of his veins

This was actually a really good line. I mean, I don't mean any offense when I say "actually", but pieces like this, one expects to just find, "it was sad" "I was really sad" "I cried a lot" and generic things like that. But this is an interesting line.

not until I dug my look into purple conveyor

..."dug my look"? Is that missing a word or two?

I felt a sob tearing apart my lungs and I wailed loudly into that unhearing ear of his

Nice line.

the conveyor would be painfully light and empty.

I like this. The little things that weigh on you.

Anyway, I don't know. I didn't have much to suggest, I suppose. It's such a short piece and so full of appropriate emotion and there are a few gem-lines in there, so I don't have much more to say but good job!