Young Writers Society

They always knew my name here.

I walked between the stalls of fabric and jewels, talking to each stall owner, looking out of the corner of my eye for the pickpockets that frequented indoor markets. Especially one so richly stocked. Light filtering in from the grates far above my head produced small rainbows off the diamond I was holding.

The market didn’t ask questions. I wasn’t the strangest to come through— women wearing daggers and breeches were almost as frequent as skirts and perfume in the palace. Scars were compared when warriors met. Being proper didn't matter here.

“Would you like something for your hand, M’lady?” the vendor asked as I handed him gold for a small sapphire pendant. “Something to accentuate your scars, marks of pride?”

I chuckled and shook my head, pulling out leather fingerless gloves as I dropped the pendant in my belt purse. “I have something.”

He revealed a gold mesh glove studded with rubies, stored near his workspace. “I could exchange these for amethyst— perfect for you. Even over those gloves.”

“It would look stunning on black leather…” I mused almost to myself. But it was a repeated conversation for both of us. I smiled. “Maybe in a week or two.”

He smiled in return. “I’ll save it for you. Maybe show you the amethyst?”

“That’d be nice.”

He waved at me as I left the booth. It was nice to come here— where another outsider in the crowd didn't matter.

Hi.

I love the way you tell the story. But it was less detailed.

I walked between the stalls of fabric and jewels, talking to each stall owner, looking out of the corner of my eye for the pickpockets that frequented indoor markets. Especially one so richly stocked.

I didn't get the picture of this. Tell us more, it would be fun reading it.

But I love this one

Light filtering in from the grates far above my head produced small rainbows off the diamond I was holding

This sentences was great.

That's all from me. Hope you post the next chapter soon...

Farewell.

Hey Rosey,

First of all, I love the way you open the story. That first sentence is just vague enough to be intriguing, detailed enough to show the reader what you mean, and very concise. Love it!

I have a few nitpicks:

The market didn’t ask questions. I wasn’t the strangest to come through— women warring.....do you mean "wearing"? daggers and breeches were almost as frequent as skirts and perfume in the palace. Scars were compared when warriors met. Being proper didn't matter here.

I'm not sure if you mean to say "women wearing daggers and breeches" or "women, warring, daggers, and breeches". I have to assume the first in which case your sentence is not structured in the best way. Instead, you might say "Women wearing daggers and breeches were almost as frequent as those wearing skirts and perfume in the palace." because you aren't comparing the women to the skirts and perfume but rather the daggers and breeches. Hope that isn't too convoluted to make sense.

The other sentence that I feel could be strengthened is your final one. While I love the message, I'm not sure you've chosen the best wording (although that could be a matter of opinion.)

He waved at me as I left the booth. It was nice to come here— where nobody cared if there was somebody else strange in the crowd.

I feel like, personally, it would be more effective if you said something along the lines of "where nobody cared it there was some other misfit in the crowd" or "where nobody cared if there was some other stranger in the crowd". But that's really your decision.

I like the general tone of this, and your writing style. Obviously it's just flash fiction, but it doesn't really have any deeper meaning, which you could add if you were so inclined. Or not.

Thanks for the read,
sarebear

I liked how you managed to write this from a picture prompt - quite cool.

But I did feel like there wasn't that much detail? You speak about how women clad in armour and daggers aren't that suspicious, but you don't describe any of the other people around. And her scars, the ones on her hands, why are they there? Why is this market even in place?

But it was good, I like how she's portrayed as some outsider that feels in place in the market, where she isn't different because she's an outsider.

Kasim.