Young Writers Society

Stone Soup for soul

Beautiful morning in the City of La Paz, there is one man walking slowly around the alley searching and scavenging for leftover from the houses and restaurant nearby. He walked around the city for food as he did not eat for almost a week. A proper meal, for him, is like rain in the Sahara Desert. The last time he had his proper meal was last week, when someone accidently dropped the food on the ground and he walked fast enough to take the food before the crows of stray dogs eat it. He is very poor, but he never forgets to do his responsibility to God. He never missed his prayer, even though he always missed his meal. He always has faith in God. He never blames God for what he is now.

One day, as he walked around the city, he stopped under a big tree to rest his body for a while. When people passed by him, they gave him coins as if he is a beggar. He took the money, feeling grateful to the Almighty. After he rested for awhile, he went to the stall and bought some food from the money he had. He bought a loaf of bread for his dinner tonight. On his way back home, he heard children crying from one of the houses outside the city. Out of curiosity, he went to the house to find out what had actually happened. When he came near to the house, he heard that a woman said to her children that the food would be ready shortly, but he did not smell something from the kitchen. He knocked the on the door. The mother came out and saw an unfamiliar guy in front of the door. He asked the woman if there are any problems, the woman burst into tears and tell the man that she did not have any food left for her children. She just boiled the stone and told her children that he prepared a soup for them. She just wanted her kids to fall asleep while waiting for the food to be ready, so that they would not feel hungry. He felt sorry for that woman and her children. He then decided to give his bread to the woman and left the house.

That man never regretted his action of giving the bread to the family. He was happy to know that he is able to help people who are in need more than he does. Even though he knew that he will be starving for that day, he never regretted his decision. He went back to the city to look for food. On his way to the city, he fell down on the road and was unconscious. In his unconsciousness, he dreamt of his late father. His father was a wealth man but died in a helicopter crash outside Fallujah, the neighboring country of La Paz. His father’s body never recovered from the crash site. After the death of his father, the man has no one left. His uncle disbanded him and stole all the wealth that should be his. In his dream, his late father said that he is proud to have a son like him. His late father also told him to never give up in life and always help others who are in need, because by helping others, God will certainly help him back. His late father then told him to find someone in Fallujah who maybe can help him.

After he recovered, he tried to remember the name given by his late father in his dream. However he failed to remember the name. So he decided to walk for Fallujah and put his faith to God. He went to Fallujah that is located 20 Miles from La Paz. It took him more than a week to reach his destination. When he arrived, he tried to find the person mentioned by his father. As he walked in the city, he saw a big sign board of a restaurant, and it was written there that the name of that restaurant is “Stone Soup”. He remembered the poor woman back in La Paz who cooked stones for her children. When he approached the restaurant, someone greeted him. He did not recognize the addressee but the addressee recognized him, that man was a good friend of his father and he is the owner of that restaurant.

He told the man about his father and what had happen to him. The addressee knew it, and told him that before the incident, the addressee had made a promise to take his friend’s son if something happened to his friends who was the man’s father. The man was very happy and he felt very grateful and continuously praised the Almighty for His blessings and helps. Now that he works at the “Stone Soup” Restaurant, he leads a stable and happy life.

Hi there!
This seems like a pretty nice story. I liked the idea, and your main character was adorable, his faith in God and everything. But here, you were just telling us everything. You weren't showing us anything. The story would be a lot better if you showed us the story as it happens. Also, there were some grammar mistakes I noticed.

It was a beautiful morning in the City of La Paz. There was one a man walking slowly around the alley searching and scavenging for leftover from the houses and restaurant nearby. He walked around the city for food as he did had not eaten for almost a week. A proper meal, for him, is was like rain in the Sahara Desert. The last time he had his proper meal was last week, when someone accidently accidentally dropped the food on the ground and he had walked fast enough to take the food before the crows and stray dogs eat ate it. He is was very poor, but he never forgets forgot to do his responsibility to God. He never missed his prayer, even though he always missed his meal. I love this line. He always has had faith in God. He never blamed God for what he is was now.

Here's what I mean about telling. Like, instead of telling us all this about your character, you could just show him walking around and looking in the dustbins for food, wearing torn clothes. That way, you don't need to tell us he's a poor, homeless beggar, we'll know it ourselves. And if you want to show that he's very religious and has deep faith in God, you can show him praying to God.

One day, as he walked around the city, he stopped under a big tree to rest his body for a while. When people passed by him, they gave him coins as if he is was a beggar. He took the money, feeling grateful to the Almighty. After he rested for awhile, he went to the stall and bought some food from the money he had. He bought a loaf of bread for his dinner tonight that night . On his way back home, he heard children crying from one of the houses outside the city. Out of curiosity, he went to the house to find out what had actually happened. When he came near to the house, he heard that a woman said to tell her children that the food would be ready shortly, but he did not smell something anything from the kitchen. He knocked the on the door. The mother came out and saw an unfamiliar guy him in front of the door. He asked the woman if there are were any problems. The woman burst into tears and tell told the man that she did not have any food left for her children. She just boiled the stone and told her children that she had prepared a soup for them. She just wanted her kids to fall asleep while waiting for the food to be ready, so that they would not feel hungry. He felt sorry for that the woman and her children. He then decided to give his bread to the woman and left the house.

This would be a lot better if you wrote it as it actually happens, instead of telling us what happened. Like, use direct speech. For example, instead of saying the woman burst into tears, etc, you could say:

The woman burst into tears. "I don't have anything to give my children! They're hungry, and I have absolutely nothing to give them. I don't know what to do! I just boil the stone and tell them I'm making soup for them. I just want them to fall asleep while they're waiting, so they don't feel their hunger."

I hope you understand me. Show, don't tell. Write the scene as it's happening, not as if you're telling us what's happening. Never tell us anything about a character. Show it through the way they act, talk, dress, etc. The idea of this piece is really nice, I like it, but the story itself needs a thorough edit. Also, you need to watch your grammar, there were a lot of grammar mistakes. If you can't find them, just let me know and I'll point them out for you, 'kay?

Hope I wasn't too harsh, PM me if you have any questions. Keep writing!

Very inspiring story, Absolute faith in God even in the face of extreme adversity, I love the message.

Keep writing, you will inspire lots and lots of people.

Priceless: thanks for the comments ..it is possible if u help me to proof read my story before i post it here . if u wouldn't mind
LindsayG: Thanks , i will try to keep on writing to improve my grammar

The one thing that really stood out to me was the names of the locations. Why did you choose Fallujah and La Paz? Fallujah is located in Iraq while La Paz is in Mexico, and both are cities; not countries. To have a character walk twenty miles from La Paz to Fallujah just strikes me as wrong. I would suggest selecting different names. Since this is a work of fiction, fictional names would work well, or else two actual cities within twenty miles of one another.

Priceless pretty much covered everything else I would have.