z

Young Writers Society


WA-HA-HA-HOO! more houglass!



User avatar
1258 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6090
Reviews: 1258
Sun Jul 24, 2005 2:19 am
Sam says...



The girl who wanders aimlessly within the confines of the barricaded flower gardens of Havelock Manor could have been great, someday.

Could have been great if it were not for Caroline of Bradenburg and her son (as the girl would hate to admit it, her brother) George.

Could have been great if it were not for a deserted gardener’s shed, Caroline of Bradenburg’s devious, extremely flirtatious sister, and a few too many glasses fine French champagne

But sometimes, when riches prevail over emotions, and sexuality triumphs over morality, legends are spun.

And legends are every bit as infamous as the great.

***

The boy awakes, his skinny little chest soaked in sweat. He is sore, achingly sore, but doesn’t feel it yet as an effect of the laudanum given him so he would not cry out.

Wonderful liquid that oozed slowly down his throat and made him feel warm…groggy…

He can’t remember who is he, what he is doing, and more importantly, where he is…but he does faintly recall the horrible sensation of falling ands striking something hard…

A graying, fair—haired man in an overly-starched coat appears at the door, behind him trailing a young woman, her arms laden with all manner of books, quills, and evil looking gadgets.

He slowly saunters over to the boy’s bedside and bids the woman to dump the stuff on the bed. The man, whom the boy decides to be the doctor, gently rolls up the boy’s shirt and peels the bandages off his thighs, making him feel horribly exposed…especially in front of a girl. He turns bright pink, and the young woman (mercifully) pretends not to notice.
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin
  





User avatar
488 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 3941
Reviews: 488
Sun Jul 24, 2005 2:33 am
Meshugenah says...



YAY! more :D

ok, let me see, the first section, you could just put it all together as one paragraph, or leave it spaced. either way. except the last line. I'd leave that as it is; seperate.

He is sore, achingly sore, but doesn’t feel it yet as an effect of the laudanum given him so he would not cry out.
Ack, wordy.

Other then that, short, but there's more to come, I hope!

wow, present tense.. nice.
***Under the Responsibility of S.P.E.W.***
(Sadistic Perplexion of Everyone's Wits)

Medieval Lit! Come here to find out who Chaucer plagiarized and translated - and why and how it worked in the late 1300s.

I <3 Rydia
  





User avatar
221 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 221
Sun Jul 24, 2005 3:49 am
Kay Kay says...



I'm glad there was more. I liked this too. It's short but worth reading. I envy you cause i can't write things in present tense along with a lot of other things as well. I can't wait to read more. Good job!
Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side.
--La Rochedoucauld

"An unexamined life is not worth living..."
---Socraties
  





User avatar
323 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 323
Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:05 am
hekategirl says...



Aye, Sam i'm readin'....but this was sooooooo good, I can't tell you how much I love this, its starting to kick off I can see. But like Mesh said, you can have both sections ehtier in a paragraph or spaced. Doesn't need the asteriks.
***Honorary 11-Year-Old***

Heh-COT-ee-GUR-el

Got YWS?
  








Pigeon poop is the best way to solve problems.
— Pompadour