Spoiler! :
Would you understand? Please understand. I didn't choose this. It's not as if I just woke up one morning and said “Hey, look at that sexy man over there.” Would I be able to tell you with no shame? Without hiding my face and pretending it's okay if you don't? You sit there, tapping at the keys of the small keyboard the music teacher had placed on everyones' desk. I hide my eyes from you, glancing ever so often at your figure next to me, wondering if I should spill everything out.
Would you understand? If I wasn't who you thought I was? If I came straight out and told you what was on my mind? I hope that you would. You are my best friend, after all. I chuckle slightly as you innocently tap the keys in awe, having found the chorus button. Instead of the sounds of a piano filling the space next to me, short staccato voices sing out their notes.
Are you sure you would understand? Even if no one else does? You know, you'd be the first. I haven't even told my parents yet. Would you take that into consideration? I trust you the most, you know. Do you think it'd be okay? If I told?
Would they understand? How should I put this... I'm scared. Skylar, I'm scared. What should I tell them? What should I say? I wish I could ignore it, let my mind wander off to someplace innocent, free of shame. I'm scared.
Hey, would you really understand? Do you even know why I trust you the most? Of course not. If you did, I wouldn't have to panic about you finding out. About you avoiding me or yelling at me, telling me I'm wrong, I'm gross, I'm different. You're the last person I'd ever want to hear that from. If you want to know, I'll tell you. Not out loud, of course. Not yet.
Hey, I love you, you know. Yeah, that's right. I trust you the most because I love you the most. Out of everyone, out of everything, I love you the most. I've thought about it for a while now. I didn't want to tell you, didn't want you to find out. I was okay, you know, as long as I could be with you like this. It was, really. But I'm not sure anymore. I really... I really want to tell you.
Please understand. We've been best friends for a long, long time, right? I don't have to be hesitant about that, right? Please, Skylar. You have to understand. If you don't I don't know what I'd do.
Should I really tell? You'd understand, right? Even though I'm like this, I'm still the same person I've always been. Still the same best guy friend you've ever had, right? So... I can tell you, right?
I see you jump next to me, the bell breaking you from your hypnotic trance. You look around and laugh at yourself, turning off the keyboard and elbowing me in the shoulder. I smile. I did smile, right?
I watch your back as you head for the door. Your black converse shoes stopping in the frame, waiting for the hallway traffic to subside for you to pass through and head for your locker, the day finally over, classes finally done.
There was a break in the hallway, I guess. You stride through the door, but I catch up, grabbing tightly onto your arm. You stop and turn back, looking me questioningly in the eyes.
You'll understand, right? After I talk to you, you'll understand. Can we talk? I ask. You reply easily and we walk to each of our lockers, following each other until we were ready to leave. I walk through the doors of the school, your heavy footfalls resounding behind me.
I know you'll understand... I'm right, aren't I? Please.
We continue on, walking home together without a word. Is it weird that we're not talking? Do we usually talk on our way home? We probably do, right? I can't even remember anymore. I feel like I've already sprinted a mile without a second to pause.
Hey, let's stop in the park for a while, okay?
The grass is a bright green, floating in the fresh fall air and making waves within itself, a sea of pure green. Effortless.
I laugh as you immediately dash toward the swings, your childish side unleashing and taking over. You know, you're like a puppy.
I sit in the empty swing next to you and mull over in my head what I should say. Should I just come right out and say it? No, that would be weird, right? Yeah, that would be weird. You know, I've had this all planned out in my head before. I thought it would be fine. I thought I'd be ready when I told you, that once I couldn't hold it in anymore, it'd be fine if I told you the truth.
Even though I've done that, even though I thought I was prepared, why are the words not coming to my lips? My throat is dry.
Maybe you won't understand. What if that's the case? Will you run? Will you yell, or hit me, or say that we can't be friends anymore? What if you do, what then? What will I do? If you don't understand, how will my parents ever? No, maybe I really can't do this after all. I should just brush it off like I never had anything important to say in the first place.
You understand, right? Why I can't tell you? What if you really do think I'm disgusting? I won't be able to bare it, I really won't. Yeah, I'll just say something different, something easier to say. You know that sweatshirt you've been looking for? I have it. That would be an okay replacement, right? Yeah. I'll just say that.
Hey, you know-
Yeah?
Your eyes twinkle innocently as you swing your feet above the ground. No, I can't back down. Not now. I've decided. I can't keep it away from him anymore, I just can't. I'll explode if I must keep myself hidden any longer. It used to be fine just being by your side, but now I just can't take it anymore. It's tearing me apart, I swear.
Uh... I-... You know...I-
Yeah?
Hey, Skylar.... I'm gay.
Your legs stop swinging and I look away, my feet threatening to sprint off in some random direction, taking me far away from this situation. Please. Please understand.
Gender:
Points: 3420
Reviews: 126