Young Writers Society

Without darkness there are no dreams.
--Karla Kuban, novelist
 
Her hands hold on to the walls, trying to grip the illusion that we call reality. She can feel the blackness beginning to seep through, blinding her with spite. Her eyes begin to roll back as the tremors wreck through her. She let's out a terrified moan, letting go of reality all together in order to hold on to herself. Something wet pours down the side of her mouth, but her hand misses and only slaps her cheek instead. She doesn't notice it until the pain has passed, but by then she stopped worrying about it. She holds herself together, trying to stay sane. Nobody tells you how difficult it is until you are stuck in here, she thinks to herself. She would have smirked, but her mouth wasn't working properly at the time. The people surround her, one cackling in her madness as the other one screams words she could not understand. She's the only sane one in the group, letting them speak through her so the pressure in her head died down.

Fists hit the wall, but she watches from above. She hears the madness in her voice as she whispers in a language only the voices know. Her body lashes out against the doctors, the nurses, and they leave bruises on her. The doctor yells to the nurses to hold her, not an easy feat for them. One holds a needle and injects the medicine. She struggles, fighting, trying to escape. They inject more and more, the spasms growing worse, until they leave her limp in the corner of the cell.

Her spirit leaves this scene behind, looking away to the stars, where her dreams once lie.

....One....
....more....
....breath....
and she's gone.

A/N: Hey, this is not the original bit I think this one is a lot better. Tell me what you think. Inhope to post more funny things in the future, but for now this is all I can do. Adios!

Hi there!

I enjoyed this, to a degree. I think this piece is in much need for some descriptive text. In such a short story, it wouldn't be too difficult to add some.

I've picked out a sentence where adding some description can really make this story shine.

"She would have smirked, but her mouth wasn't working properly at the time." ~ This too me is very boring.

I'd add: She would have smirked, but her mouth was numb, like someone had a punched her." Probably not the best description. But do you get what I mean?

But all in all, a good effort!

~ T.K

Hi there!

This is a good story. I like how there's not much detail, so my imagination is running wild now. I also like how you described everything. You did a really good job painting a picture for me.

Now, I'm going to sound contradictory here, but I'm going to to say it anyway. I think that this needs more detail. Yeah, I know I said before that I liked the lack of detail, but I'm still left with unanswered questions. I don't know why she's there or who's taking care of her. Is she at a mental institution? If so, why did they kill her? Was she dieing already? If you put some background information into this, it'll help a lot.\

Overall this is a good story. Keep writing!

I have never liked a story with too much detail because then you leave the reader feeling bored because you used half a chapter describing a fence post or somthing. But yeah some detail could of been added like
"Fists hit the 'white' wall" or the purple wall. Maybe you could describe how the medicne feels like running through her vains.
or something but if your happy with it go with it.
But I'm wondering why she was in there in the first place??