Young Writers Society

19/08/2009 - The results slipped from his chubby hands. Mud covered the three F’s on the paper.

His mother slapped him with all his past certificates and awards. He looked at them through a waterfall of tears. Why had he been lazy? Why had he fallen from grace?

Chemistry, Biology & Maths were the enemies who had slain his dream of becoming a lawyer; he hadn’t even defended it.

Remorse devoured him. Hard work became an addiction.

He saw his friends enjoying university while he planned to fight Admiral Periodic Table, Captain Enzyme and General Pythagoras yet again.

Jealousy consumed him. The hunger to succeed became his religion.

Hope sprung up within him and sharpened his blades.

Using hunger as his sword and hard work as his shield he stormed into deadly battle.

19/08/2010 - The results flew up from his thin hands. Three A’s glistened in the sunlight.

i really like this i say its noting wrong with this

Perfect. I love the genius (you) who wrote this.Funny, interesting and precise. The beginning and end was definitely on point.
150 target words that made an effect 1000 words wouldn't have made.
I especially loved this line,"......while he planned to fight Admiral Periodic Table, Captain Enzyme, and General Pythagoras..."

A really interesting story and I think it fits the subject you're given "Justifying Revenge or Redemption". It is very well written with no grammar mistakes. Fantastic!
Good Luck in the contest.

Really good story. You put a lot into a limited amount of space, and it reads so smoothly.

One tiny thing, and this is really just a pet peeve of mine:

DarthAJ wrote:He looked at them through a waterfall of tears

This line tripped me up only because I feel the whole waterfall/tears metaphor is overdone. Later in the story you uniquely convey your character's steeled resolve so well that when I read through the whole thing a second time, I really felt that the quoted line falls flat. Just my opinion. Good luck!

Hey,
Really nice work. I didn't see anything wrong with it. It was very interesting.

He saw his friends enjoying university while he planned to fight Admiral Periodic Table, Captain Enzyme and General Pythagoras yet again.

Nice one.

This was good and funny DarthAJ. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get to you for a review. I am exhausted so I will be brief. While this is a fantastic story and you have done something unique with the theme. It is all too neatly wrapped up. It doesn't let the reader imagine much because you tell us exactly what happens. I think if you left the end open, if your protagonist goes into the exam and you finish it there without telling us what his results are and let us work it out, it will be much stronger.