This One Time at Band Camp

This one time at band camp, a very evil feline had it out to get me. I'll start from the beginning.

The first time I met Mr. Whiskers was at the first camp bonfire. At the time, he was insignificant to me, just a spoiled orange tiger cat who belonged to the camp directer, Mr. Howard Reed. I barely registered the fat, ugly thing curled up next to the even fatter, uglier camp directer, just basking in the yellow glow of the fire. I was too busy singing my horrid rendition of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" with my other campmates, spewing bits of roasted marshmallow all over the place as I did so. Little did I know, Mr. Whiskers was busy plotting my downfall.

It happened as I stumbled back from the bathroom in the morning. I'd showered and brushed my wild crimson curls, which is not an easy process, as they get hopelessly tangled whenever I slumber. To make it all worse, I really had to take a dump, but all the snotty girls from my cabin were there, and the stalls weren't exactly private.

So, anyway, I was walking back amongst the spuces and random green deciduous trees, when I heard a faint meow. I looked up and, clinging for what looked like dear life to an oak branch, was the demonic Mr. Whiskers. Even in my bad mood, I was ever the kind soul, and I decided to shimmy up the tree to help the poor little guy. I was a good tree climber, due to the tomboyish experiences of a girl in a family with many brothers, and thought it could be my good deed of the day.

Once I got up to the branch where Mr. Whiskers was clung, I reached over to pet him and settle him down because he seemed scared out of his kitty mind. But at that moment, he pawed at me and I lost my balance, falling out of the tree and onto the hard and unforgiving earth.

I remember hearing gasps and the feel of arms carrying me, but I didn't really open my eyes until I was in the infermery. The infermery was cramped and undersupplied, since band camp isn't a hot spot for injuries. A guy with a bulbous mustache looked down his nose at me as I came to. "You should be ashamed of yourself. There is a strict policy for not climbing trees. Your parents are on their way. We don't need a lawsuit on our hands."

I was confused, and I looked down. My arm was in an ugly sling and a few fingers were buddy-taped together. I sighed. I'm notorious for my bad luck. I was injured and getting kicked out of band camp because of a good deed.

One time at band camp, I learned that I'm a dog person.

I think some dialogue with the cat in the tree would enhance it. It would give a chance for more of a theme to develop.

Thanks.I already sent it into the contest, though. I'll remember that for my next story though. Feedback is appreciated.

That was a good story , really casual.
One question though are you a Journey fan or do you watch Glee?
<3

I think the tone of this story could be made a little clearer. I couldn't decide whether you meant it to be funny, ironic etc.

There are a few spelling errors "infirmary" and a few words used out of context "bulbous".

Give it a little breathing space and then come back to it and I think it could all be as engaging as the opening line, which has a very sly, wink-nudge quality.

Thanks for the reviews. I'll work on it. And I like Journey. I've never really watched Glee, but a lot of my friends do.

Yeh I think it needs more characters, nothing wrong with no characters it just adds more personality to your story ^-^

I'll work on it.

Hi there!

I honestly really enjoyed this story! It was well written, kept me reading, and was funny. I don't know if you meant it to be funny, but it was. The title made me laugh too, but only cause I'm a band geek and me and my friends have so many jokes about band camp experiences.

I think the number of characters is perfect for this kind of story. It's short and you're really only focusing on two of them anyway. There weren't any grammer errors that I could find. Your spelling was good and it's definitely apparent that you edited this at least twice.

Great story! I'm very impressed. Keep writing!

Aha! An American Pie reference! I haven't seen that movie in too long, and I'm glad to see someone's made a story out of something that's been found it. This sounds exactly like something that character would say, although I'm sure you could lengthen it. It has the potential to be extended and include all the humour the film is loved for.
Keep up the good work!