Dear Suicide

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This is somewhat more of a summary than the actual story anyway. I feel really terrible, this is how I would feel if it happened, this is like what I'd do if something happened like this... and I had the guts to do it. I didn't really mention names and I know, so just don't pester me about the names...

-Elizabeth Mathers



It was around the time of yesterday when the note arrived to him. Of course, it was addressed from her, so he ignored it until letters began to pile up. She wasn't that important to him, just a little secret friend none of the others parents knew of.

It was on his birthday when he finally picked up his stack of letters and took them to his room. He almost tripped over some socks which were on one of the stairs. In his fright and attempt to balance he tossed the letters in the air and held tightly onto the handrail. The letters flew around like a flurry of snow. He did his best to pick them up and carried what he did to his room.

He ripped open the letters one by one, and tore up packages like you wouldn't believe, searching for money or presents from relatives and friends all around. As he flew past all the mail he realized that there was one letter missing.

"Where is the letter?" He walked around the staircase where he had tossed them up high but to no avail. A few more days went on by slowly and he half expected to recieve another letter. He planned to send one out to her just to tell her he lost her letter.

It was nearly a month later, right around Christmas, when he was vaccuming and the sound of paper came from the nozzle of the cleaner. He pulled it out and there was a dusty letter addressed to him.

He went to his room immedately, haing not recieved anymore letters from the girl since this one. Wondering if she had moved or lost his address and couldn't send out another letter. He fingered it, looking at how carefully his name was written and how there was no retun address. Maybe she delivered it to him in person but he wasn't home.

He read the letter, his heart tearing and his eyes widening. He dropped the letter and grabbed his coat, dashing quickly to the park where he and her hung out a lot of the time secretly. As he ran his heart began to pound. His feet slushed against the cold ice and he nearly slid the entire way. The intense friction of his movement could have set the city on fire. He ran and ran until he stopped.

And then, looking above him, he cried as he saw her.


My Dearest Friend,

You have been ignoring me for the past year and a half, writing only once in so often.

My grandparents just died and you don't seem to care because when I mailed you just didn't try to comfort me with your words. They were all I had left: my siblings are old and moved away and my parents have been dead for a long time.

You were my only friend, everybody since I moved here has been teasing me.

I can't take it anymore.

I'll be at the park on Saturday, November 19, if you care about me at all then please show up.

If you don't, then come as you please.
It'll be the last time you see me....

Love,

Your Friend




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Ooh loved ur title... Not that Im gonna steal it *looks shifty*... But I'm afraid that's about it...
Oh the trees!
Take me back to London please!!!




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I read a lot, and it's very rare that I read as intensely as I did with this one, or that I have a strange tensing senstation in my chest. This one grabbed me right from the start and kept me all the way thru.

It's good, it's great. No critique really to give. It's heartbreaking, shocking, and profound.

Superb.
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
Isaac Asimov




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I thought the ending was too overblown and dramatic. *shrugs*
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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I gree with Snoink, but it is also very good. I like the whole thing. It is lucky that he got the letter that day. Very sweet.




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Twas more of an outline I said... i'll try and like.... *shivers* edit it or something. I am better at outlines than actual stories I believe. Thanks for the critiques... *shivers*




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Emma wrote:I gree with Snoink, but it is also very good. I like the whole thing. It is lucky that he got the letter that day. Very sweet.


I thought he was too late...?
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Oh right, I meant it was lucky he OPENED that letter that day... O_o




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maybe have it that he reached the park that day.
but he saw her being loaded into a body bag
mwuhahahaha
um yeh that was random
now im scared.
"no, i don't hate you, don't wanna fight you, know i'll always love you but right now i just don't like you..."




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Aw, dang... now I want to punch the guy for thinking he could just ignore her... *punches pillow for lack of a real person to take it out on*

2 comments:

1) you don't make it very clear what he sees when he finds her, which, I'm not sure whether I like or not... but either way, it makes it unclear whether he got there too late or not. The reader has to go back and look for something that tells what time of year it is.

2) cliche alert:

The Black Rose wrote:I can't take it anymore.

erm... yeah... is there no other way to say this?
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching.




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I dunno, is there? *twilight zone music plays*
Well, since I'm bored, I'll get right onto editing it.
Cheerio!




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I like it! One thing... Wouldn't she be all dead and rotten if it was around Christmas and she said November 19? So do you mean December 19???
so give me all your poison,
and give me all your pills,
if this is what you want then
FIRE AT WILL




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Hmmm. Good read. Like you said, it's more of a summary than a story. You might want to make it a bit longer, seeing as how I didn't really get a feel for their relationship. You tend to run sentences together when they should be cut off.

Some problems with the letter:

My Dearest Friend,

You have been ignoring me for the past year and a half, writing only every so often. (I wouldn't really consider that 'ignoring', maybe change it to 3 times? Although she seems important to him.)

My grandparents just died and you don't seem to care because when I mailed you didn't try and comfort me with your words. They were all I had left; my siblings are old and moved away and my parents have been dead for a long time.

You were my only friend, everybody since I moved here has been teasing me.

I can't take it anymore. (Change or take this out; it's horribly cliched.)

I'll be at the park on Saturday, November 19. If you care about me at all then please show up. (She sounds like a whiny little bitch in this line. "If you care about me at all....")

If you don't, then come as you please. (If he doesn't what? I don't understand what you mean.
It'll be the last time you see me. (I took out the other periods. I think it should just end, not trail off.

Love,
Your Friend

It's good, but the letter should be powerful and emotional, not sounding like some little emo kid.
Holding pasts in ash black earth
Bound by roots
Roots into sand
Grow towards the giver




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Great TBR an the title was great, i had to read it not too long not too short.
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
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Little emo kid blah blah blah.
Fine then Lucifer, I will work on it and I WILL BE HAPPY!
THANK YOU FOR THE CRITIQUES WHY AM I YELLING?!!!



I'll admit the two turtle doves are growing on me, but there are ten birds in this house already and we both know geese are feathered bioweapons of mass destruction.
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