Young Writers Society

-Crumpled Dreams-

I pulled off my heavy helmet and wiped the sweat from my forehead. It was hot and made my dusty fingertips sticky. Looking across the charcoled plains in front of me I wondered how I was going to cross unseen. Not even a blade of grass brightened the bleak scene. The charred remains of a village were the only interruption in the black dust. Beyond the village and plains was a river. A river of evil, and pain. Many battles had been fought on those banks, and now the souls and bones of those armies lay beneath the roaring waters. I wasn't looking forward to the crossing.

The egg in my hand began to tremble. Its delicate blue surface was cracking. As the egg split, light flooded out of the cracks covering my hands and spilling unto the dark ground. I had carried this egg for almost a year, never knowing if it would hatch. Never knowing what was inside the small oval. Now that I was about to find out I shook in anticipation. The light from the egg was engulfing me now, making it hard to see. My eyes were burning, and my hands were almost invisible. As I felt the egg crumple in my hand I glanced down. It's once brilliant surface was now a black dust. The light was gone, and I couldn't see what had hatched. Is that it? Is it gone forever now?

The questions that bubbled up in my mind made my eyes tear up. All this way, all that trouble to protect its delicacy and now it's gone forever. Reaching one finger up to wipe the tears from my eyes I saw the plain. The plain that was once charred from so many battles and diseases was now growing grass. Watching in amazement I saw individual blades of emerald poke out of the dust, completely covering all traces of the old plain. Like a flood the change continued toward the river. Bones rose out of the water and reunited with their souls on the banks impacting with a vibrant flash of light. The troubled waters gently calmed until they were smooth as glass. All this was changed so fast by such a little thing. One egg, one dream, one man. Now I understood why the egg had become dust. It had hatched to change the world. It brought back my dream and my reason for being here. Dropping my helmet I walked toward the river. Changing, with each step.

Now that was imaginative!
I like how you introduced destruction, but a single object created life. Only thing that puzzles me is how a small egg could be so powerful and how did this person find it? Did the person get the egg from a wizard?
Other than that, I liked it. I can't really see anything else wrong grammatically, except I don't believe the whole story should one paragraph.

I wasn't looking forward to the crossing. | The egg in my hand began to tremble.

In between these two lines, should be a new paragraph because you are describing something else. Describing the battlefield should be one paragraph and another, describing the egg and its significance.

Unless of course that was your objective. Again, great job! [/code]

I really liked. Though I think you should explain why he kept the egg if it caused him so much trouble. Was it a feeling, or was it the dream you mentioned.
That was the only thing I saw so keep on writing.

Awesome!!! Remarkable ideas!!! Incredible writing style!!!
A fascinating story. I absolutely loved it. Great description skills. I’m amazed at this short and more than just sweet story. You’ve misspelled ‘charcoaled’ in the 2nd line. Curiosity is killing the cat (that’s me!)-are you an “Eragon” and “Eldest” fan??? You seem to be inspired by Christopher Paolini.