Titan

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TITAN


The sand crunches underneath my baked feet; I am a Titan, the only one left. The waves are lapping against the golden shore, each like sparkling blue fingers groping forward, cooling my fiery feet in turn. Wading through the sea, a fisherman passes me, his face aglow with happiness. The reason for this happiness becomes apparent as he drags a large haul of fish behind him. Yet he does not wave, nor does he even look towards me, he carries merrily on; oblivious to the fact that I am there. He cannot see me, hear me nor can he smell me; I am a Titan, the only one left.
I carry on walking; time, like everything else, speeds by without noticing me, the scenery blurs, and then refocuses as a place completely different. It is a cold, winters day, the streets are full of people hurrying past me; focused inwards on their small, insignificant lives. One looks up, startled and stares me straight in the eye. His eyes, like blue diamonds, flash with understanding. He stops and reaches out with one hand. I stretch out mine and they touch. His hand flies back and his eyes glaze over as they once were, as dull and emotionless as the grey, overcast sky. He shakes his head and carries on walking, unaware of me like all the others. The coldness numbs my bones but I do not care, drifting through the masses. I trip over a discarded can, I trip and fall, spread-eagled onto the ground. The grime smears itself over my face and I call for help. None comes; I am a Titan, the only one left.
Alone in the world I wander, from place to place, from time to time. My body does not wither from age nor does my mind abandon me to senility. Yet fresh sweat does smear my forgotten clothes and my matted hair clings to my scalp, which, though untouched by time or age, is creased and stretched all the same. My feet, shoeless and grey with dirt, clump across highway and street, clump across deserts and forests, bringing me ever closer to the horizon. Yet for all my injuries and in all my disrepair I stand tall; I am a Titan, the only one left.
The tarmac burns my red hot feet and sun beats against my brow, I stagger. Sweet sweat trickles into my mouth, I lick my lips and trudge on; the stars my destination. The road slowly merges into dirt, with juvenile green jettisoning from the ground. My huge feet trample the ground, yet leave no imprint. It begins to rain, the salty water falling down like manna from the heavens. I am drenched, my clothes sticking tightly to my body, my hair shrouding my eyes. The ground rapidly turns to mud, slipping and sliding between my toes. It grapples my legs, seeking to pull me down with it. I push forward, my destination getting further and further away. I slip, fall and land squelching into the mire of mud. I have no time to waste, I get up, like a monster emerging from the deep; I am a Titan, the only one left.
Through suffering I trudge, joy and love disappearing from my surroundings. Such things don’t happen to me. I am broken, unheard, unseen. Yet at the same time I am whole, all seeing and all hearing, alone in this world but with everyone. Water and stone meet my feet as I roam the gravel beach. The small slivers of water that reach my feet dance with me for a second. One split second of freedom and joy which disappears as the water works its way laboriously to its mother. I am left alone on the beach. The stars winks back at me as I stare defiantly at the sky and my back is torn by the blazing heat of the sun, rising in an afternoon dawn. Yet I stand my ground, roaring and fighting through the agony, I have to; I am a Titan, the only left.




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The sand crunches underneath my baked feet; I am a Titan, the only one left.
I don't think baked is really the right word here. It sounds strange.


I carry on walking; time, like everything else, speeds by without noticing me. The scenery blurs, and then refocuses as a place completely different.


It is a cold, winters day, the streets are full of people hurrying past me; focused inwards on their small, insignificant lives.


I am broken, unheard, unseen. Yet at the same time I am whole, all seeing and all hearing, alone in this world but with everyone


One split second of freedom and joy which disappears as the water works its way laboriously back to its mother.


The stars winks back at me as I stare defiantly at the sky and my back is torn by the blazing heat of the sun, rising in an afternoon dawn.
How can the stars be out if it's in the afternoon?

So, I thought this was a very cool story, different, but cool. You had some sentences that were pretty long, and could be turned into two sentences. I also really didn't like the way you repetition of "I am a Titan, the only left." It was okay at first, but after every single paragraph? It's a little much. Try cutting it down some.

Keep writing!

~Hope
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."




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Thank you for you constructive criticism. I will change those small points. On the point of stars, you can't really have an afternoon dawn either, if we are being semantic. Oh, well. Thank you very much.

Fred



Sometimes my life just sounds like surrealistic fiction being sold on clearance at the book store.
— J. G. Hammersmith