One point - Lord Nelson had his arm cut off and still became one of Britain's greatest naval heroes, perhaps military heroes, ever. But because you're narrator is a boy I'll let it go.
I liked this more than your other ones....the dialogue was short and snappy and it moved with a good pace. Not sure sure about the three line perspective type thing, you should probably flesh it out a bit more.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
Your dialogue always holds a wealth of description, which fascinates me. How the crap do you do that, girl?! Ugh. If you don't stop writing this well I think I might steal all the cupcakes away from you, because you're writing way to well to be only twelve. Or fifteen. Or whatever age. It's too good.
You friggin' .... little.... *can't think of a sufficient insult* Augh!!!
Got YWS?
"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie
I really like this but I agree with Mesh and Jack, thoguh. And this sentence right here:
"The girl, slightly annoyed, puts asider her needle and sampler."
I think you ment:
"The girl, slightly annoyed, puts aside her needle and sampler."
And I think you were a little TOO fast paced, you know with switching the perspectives.
And the thing the doctar did to the boy ROLF!!!!! I always knew those doctars were out to get you....
You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting. — J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
(applies to me)
