Life. Is it simple, complicated, or both,?

When I was younger, I knew I was different. I acted older. And I pushed my self to a limit where no one has been before. I made sure I was pretty. And I changed. I let my grades slip. And my best friend wasn't a virgin. My parents never dreamed of me changing. I was there only little girl. I was the girl who was brave. And I didn't care what people thought of me. And all the sudden I would get up at 4:30 in the morning to make sure my hair was straightened and my make up was right. And as my parents were losing me my brothers started wondering where there big sister was. The one who held there hand when they needed to cross the street. The one who usually there for them after school. And they found out. She was gone because of peer pressure. And all this time when she acted like she was alright and really wasn't. It hurt them to know that she was there for everyone else's problems except her own

Hello! First of all, welcome to YWS! It's great to have you here. If you need any help, feel free to bug me about anything, really.

This is going to be quick because I am supposed to be studying, but I had to comment.

First of all, you switch from "I" to "she" midway from the story. So you're going to want to change that. Would you rather talk from the first person point of view (I) or from the third person point of view (she)? Make it consistent!

Next of all, remember your alphabet! ABDCE—Action, Background, Development, Climax, Ending. A story needs all of them. Right now, you're doing B and D, but there isn't any action that's going on, which makes it not really a story. Add some! What is going on? How exactly is her waking up to put on make up changing her actions so that her actions affect other people. And how do you resolve the conflict that comes around because of this?

Pay more attention to external conflict and less on internal conflict. Then your story will be really awesome.

Hope that helps!