The Long-Tailed Monkey: Scene Revamp

*Deleted*

Cool! This is just a one-shot thing, right?

I don't think there are any mistakes. The only thing that leapt out was:

Baroness Ink wrote: “And beating up your opponents.” said the voice, with a touch of pride and smugness.
“Yeah, well, why’re you doing all this?”

where you forgot to put a space between the lines of dialogue. And maybe you should say who Jesse is; I mean, I got that he was the opponent, but not right away.

I really like the intro:

Baroness Ink wrote: One thing was sure, and that was that it had all begun with a math test. Question forty-two to be exact: Name the first eight decimal places of pi. The worst subject of all: pi. As he would distastefully tell himself, 'it's as bad as Aunt Myrtle’s medley pie.’ Which was saying a lot. Of course, he’d hated pie as long as he could remember; mathematical, medley or banana cream. So it wasn’t any big surprise that he had failed anything that had to do with the disregarded confection- including pie graphs and pie fractions.

That was brilliantly written, though you need to start his speech with a capital I. And you switch from using single quotation marks to double, was that intentional? Also, since everyone has a name, even the "thing" inside the boy's head, I think you should give the boy a name, but that's just my personal preference. Having a name gives something to latch onto.

-ST