Evaline forced the memories out of the lock box she had chained in her head, dusting it off and trying to remember. Not of what happened, because it was all gone, but of what Mel and Alistair told her. The final timeline, and the events leading up to it. James didn't know any of the context.
"It was about a month before graduation," she began. "At this point of school, we rarely saw each other in class, because our lessons focused on our powers. But we all returned for our professor to teach us our final academic lesson: living in the sectors post-graduation. You said we were looking at a paper. That was a letter of recommendation to various job postings we could go into. Some of us had options. Some of us only had one option. That was one of the reasons why we were gloomy... among other reasons."
James looked like he was thinking for a moment before he replied.
"Did Elias only have one option?" he asked quietly.
Evaline bit her lip for a few seconds before responding. "He did," she said quietly. "As did I, and as did Alan."
"I don't know if anyone ever told me what Alan's power was," James said softly. "What was it?"
"You already know that Alan was related to Alistair, and his power is fire-related," she said. "But Alistair's formal power category is energy conversion. Alan's was too, but in a much different way. Instead of thermal energy, it was chemical. I've never found out what the informal name of it is, but basically, contact through skin could lead to him absorbing your chemical energy. It makes you feel hungry. Weak, if it goes on too long. Unconscious, if it goes on even longer."
James had his brows furrowed, like he was trying to understand it.
"So, basically... he could take away your energy?" James asked. "And he was hungry and tired if he didn't?"
"That's oversimplifying it, but yes," Evaline said. "He didn't need to, but he did have a fast metabolism and would eat nearly double the amount others eat just to keep his weight. He didn't need to depend on his power to live, nor did he use it because he needed to. It really was just an inconvenience because it tended to happen... on accident."
"He'd take people's energy on accident, you mean?" James asked. "Whenever he touched them?"
"Technically it was touch-to-touch contact if it involved fluids," she said. "So, clammy hands, for example. Or sweat on a hot day. Most of the time nothing happened, and if there was a touch that triggered it, it would only make the receiving person hungry and tired. So yes. That I know of, he had only taken other's energy on accident."
"So what were all of your job assignments, then?" James asked. "I assume yours was... a leadership role."
Evaline nodded. "After I graduated, I was supposed to move to Sector 1 to start my teachings with Oliver's parents. The lessons were to span the next ten to fifteen years, until we could marry and then take over his parents' roles. It didn't happen... obviously."
"What about Arima?" James asked. "She was the first to walk out."
"I believe she had a few options to choose from, but her parents had tunneled her into being a therapist like them," she said, then paused. "Arima was friends with the others when we were a little younger, but she grew more distant over time. I only found out later it was because her family didn't want her to meddle with my family, which involved me. So she found other friends."
"That's really sad," James said quietly. "What about Mel?"
Evaline took another deep breath, shoving her thoughts about Arima aside for now to remember Mel. She had always been the sunny one of the group. Even her future in the sectors was sunny and bright.
"She had the most options between the rest of us," she said. "But she settled on being a teacher. It obviously didn't work out since she escaped, but I think she'd have been good working with kids."
"And... Alistair?" James asked.
"He picked firefighter," she said. "I think he didn't want a job that involved academics. He must have changed his mind after a few years, though."
James hummed.
"And Alan... he had only one option as well?"
Evaline nodded. "The title was called recruiter," she said slowly. "It was vague, but they work under a low branch of government. If someone's power had mutated to the point where it was too niche to find a trainer, then recruiters are assigned to them."
"What does recruiting entail?" James asked.
Evaline was quiet for a moment, trying to wade through the old memories she didn't think she'd ever have to return to, especially since she was no longer living in the sectors.
"Elias had a recruiter," she said softly. "His own personal trainer, even though they didn't share the same power. I don't know the details, but from what I've gathered from Elise, his recruiter was trying to figure out what he could and couldn't do, and trying to recklessly strengthen him. I don't know if all of them are like that."
"So... Elias," James said. "His fate was to be with his... reckless recruiter?"
"His recruiter was trying to figure out where he should go after graduation. That was what recruiters did. Recruit by figuring out where people should go with niche or unconventional powers. And in the end..."
Evaline deeply sighed. Even though she and Elias were far from friends, she still couldn't help but pity him.
"Elias's job was to serve in the military. I think he had always known. He just decided to push it off as long as he could so that he'd leave until he graduated," she said.
"So that would explain why he was so downcast," James said quietly.
"Maybe," she said softly. "Mel was very close to him back then. They dated, at one point. And then one day he decided to distance himself from her, Elise, the rest of us, and school."
"So... in a way, he was preparing himself for what he knew was inevitable," James said. "Like Arima had done in her own way. Preparing themselves for the roles they would take after they graduated."
"That sounds right," Evaline said with a silent sigh. "I'm sure there were more complexities I didn't know about. Elias and I hardly talked the last few months before he left. But considering the situation, that seemed to be what happened."
James was quiet again for a moment.
"So... that was the tension in the room," James said. "You knew you were all going to be parting ways, and things would never be the same again."
"It... yeah," she said with a weak laugh at the back of her throat. It was again oversimplifying things, but it was the truth. "That was the essence of it."
"So... when Alan went over to Elias, and the rest of you were gone," James said slowly. "Do you think he accidentally took some energy from Elias? Or..."
"I think..." Evaline began, but then trailed off. She took a deep breath and tried again, calming her nerves. "I think Elias was at a weak point, and was especially sensitive. Alan wouldn't purposefully make skin-to-skin contact, but I think even the small gesture was enough to trigger a reaction. And when Elias grabbed him... well, I think - I think even a small amount of energy stolen was enough for his powers to activate, given his state."
Evaline felt her chest tighten as she wrung her hands, and she let out a faint mirthless laugh that escaped as a rough hum.
"It's funny, isn't it," she said lowly. "That Elias had been trained by a recruiter, and he ended a soon-to-be recruiter."
James was quiet again, but this time a little longer.
"So it was an accident?" he asked quietly.
"What did you see?" Evaline asked, trying to soften her voice, but it still came out a little harsh. "What happened after the 'little nudge' by Alan?"
James swallowed.
"Elias... grabbed Alan's wrist," he said slowly. "Alan told him to let go, but... Elias pushed him against the wall. After that I-- it got-- unclear."
"That doesn't sound like an accident," she said lowly.
"If their powers triggered each other's," James said. "I -- I mean, I know I don't understand their powers that well, but it sounds like it... could have been..."
"I might not have memory of it, but I watched that interaction happen possibly hundreds of times, James," Evaline said with her chest tightening up some more. "You can't call that violence an accident."
James was quiet again, and he stared down into his lap with his eyebrows furrowed together tightly. He didn't respond right away.
"Elias knew what he was capable of," Evaline said in a distant low voice to fill the silence. "He knew. But he was selfishly drawing it out. This was the outcome of that. You can't call this an accident."
James was still quiet for a few drawn-out seconds as he stared into his lap.
"He ruined all of our lives," Evaline continued hoarsely, the silence starting to sound deafening. "All because he selfishly wanted to stay in a place he knew he couldn't belong."
"I'm not sure I'm following," James said quietly. "Do you mean that he should've left your school sooner, because he was a danger to everyone else? As opposed to waiting until graduation?"
"Yes," she said thinly. "People are drafted to the military as soon as that's an option for them. But he didn't."
"Do you know if it was his choice?" James asked.
"He kept it a secret from everyone. Not even Elise knew. But his trainer must have known."
"Do you think it's possible he wasn't allowed to tell anyone?" James asked.
"I think he didn't want to tell anyone," she said.
"But you don't know that for sure," James said.
Evaline glanced up at James, a prick of hurt prickling her heart. Not of anything James said, but because he was unassuming of how close she was to Elias. James was telling her possibilities like he knew Elias, but that was hardly the case.
"Elias and I were close," she said, voice hollow. "He was like a brother to me. I know him. I know how the military works, because I was supposed to lead the military someday. I know how the military drafts. And because I know Elias, I can say for certain that this was something he wanted to keep a secret. He didn't want anyone to know. He would do anything for no one to find out."
James was quiet again, but only for a small moment.
"Was he ashamed of his power?" James asked softly.
"I don't know," Evaline said with a knot in her throat. "He never talked about it with me."
"I know I never knew him the way you did," James said. "And I can't make any assumptions. And I know I don't know the full story."
He paused, taking a deep breath.
"I just wonder... with a power like that. He may not have wanted it in the first place. Elise's... she can heal other people. But I can imagine it may feel shameful to have a power that only benefits yourself," James said quietly.
"Maybe he didn't want it, but that didn't mean he had to be selfish and affect other people with his indecision over something he couldn't control," Evaline said, trying her best to stop the rising hostility in her voice. She was trying so hard. "Not all of us can have powers we're proud to have. That's just life."
James tucked his legs up and hugged his knees, looking out over the dark desert landscape.
"Kind of like you," he said. "Your power... has also been a burden to you."
"But I dealt with it," Evaline countered. "I've lived with it. I've coped with it. Burden or not."
"But the ways you were taught to cope with it hurt you," James said. "Maybe Elias was hurting too."
"Well, we're seeing him, aren't we?" she spat out. "Why don't you ask him yourself instead of wondering through me?"
"I would," James said. "But... I don't know him at all. I don't think it would be my place to ask."
"He's an open book," Evaline said as she squinted out to the darkness as well, forcing herself to relax her body.
"Is he still an open book?" James asked.
"I don't know. I haven't talked to him since that day."
"I know," James said quietly. "That was my point."
Evaline glanced at him, wishing he would side with her, just this once. Of all the things she wanted, she wanted him to side on her on this. She wished he would just listen to her and just take her side on this.
"I know seeing him is going to be hard," James said. "And I don't expect you to talk to him. And I know there are a hundred nuances to everything that happened that I'll likely never fully understand. I'm not trying to sound like an expert, or like I know what happened better than you do. I just... I don't know. I can't help but try to see it through everyone's eyes. Maybe that's why I keep dreaming it from different perspectives. I don't know. I just think it might be helpful to hear his side of the story. Not for me to hear it... but for you. It may be beneficial for him to also hear your side."
Before Evaline could say anything, he continued.
"I'm not saying you have to. And if you don't, I won't be disappointed. I know it's complicated. I know it's painful. And I know it's hard. I just can't help but wonder if this is an opportunity for some semblance of closure. That's all."
Evaline had been staring at her hands in front of her, leaning forward and deeply focused with her brows drawn together. If James had given this spiel to her before their relationship, or even early on, she was sure she would have shut down and bitterly pushed him away. But after everything they had been through... she trusted his word, and his wisdom.
Evaline didn't even know what she wanted. Did she want closure? She didn't know. James kept recommending it to her, though. She didn't know what to do with it. Where to even begin. What to even say. What to think, to feel.
He was right. It was hard.
Especially since she knew, deep down, that she missed Elias. Her first true friend. The only one she felt who had truly seen her. It just...
Why didn't he let her see him, too? Why did she have to find out this way?
"Elias had ruined my life at the time," she said quietly, forcing the uneasiness away. "I had gone back so many times because of his actions. I was so confused. I didn't know why he did that, or why nothing could change. But I kept trying. Over, and over, and over. And at the end of it, I gave up, because I began to feel helpless. I was stuck in my own personal hell of infinite time loops. So at the end of it, I decided to accept it. I accepted that Elias had killed Alan, and there wasn't anything I could do about it."
"Do you still wonder why?" James asked softly.
"Why I... accepted it?" she asked.
"Why he did it," James said.
Evaline was quiet for a moment, forcing herself to relive in past.
"I used to. I used to wonder why, but I don't anymore," she said lowly. "I've simply accepted that he's a monster."
"You used to say that about yourself, too," James said quietly.
"Maybe that hasn't changed. Do you ever wonder why I keep doubting your love? Who could love a monster?"
"Someone who's met a real one," James said soberly. "And I can say with certainty, that you are not it."
Evaline slowly looked up at him, noting his the severity of his expression. He seemed sincere, as he always was with his words. It was why she couldn't forever keep doubting his love, or keep doubting James.
"Well... thanks, I guess," she said quietly. She didn't really know what to do with that, especially since he already knew of her past evil transgressions.
James nodded slightly, and there was another brief paused.
"You may not want closure," James said. "And if you don't... we can talk about why. But maybe just... think about it. We've still got time until we reach the destination. If you think you can work up the courage to face Elias, I will do everything in my power to support you."
Supportive as usual. She could never be upset at him.
"If it wasn't for his actions, I probably would have continued the path paved out for me," Evaline said, forcing the words out. "I would have gone on to take the official trainings that would have further brainwashed me."
"And I would have met a very different Evaline five years ago," James said.
"So I guess..." She swallowed. "I guess Elias has that going for me. For us. I thought my life was ruined, but I guess, now... life isn't too bad."
"You've got a horse, a chicken, and me," James said, glancing at her with the hint of a smile. "Could be a lot worse."
It was so ridiculous, she couldn't help but let out a weak laugh.
"Yeah," Evaline said as she met his eyes with a little smile sad of her own. "I'm happy with our little family."
"Does that make Elliot our..." James trailed off, looking over in Elliot's direction. Elliot was sleeping peacefully - he'd gotten used to their occasional conversations in the middle of the night, apparently. As if on cue, Sleepy poked her head out of the blanket, near James's feet.
"Nevermind," James said. "We don't need to extend that metaphor."
"Uncle who invites himself to family gatherings?" Evaline said with a forced laugh at the back of her throat, finishing the metaphor anyways.
"And Sleepy's the clumsy niece who always tries to steal your food," James said.
"Technically, we steal her food," she teased. "Since we eat her eggs."
"I'm not going to overthink it," James said, closing his eyes and smiling a small, silly smile.
Evaline pressed her lips together, stifling a laugh. "I knew you were going to say that," she murmured.
James looked at her with the a glint of laughter in his eyes.
"I guess I'm getting too predictable," James said. "I'll have to come up with more original jokes."
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