Young Writers Society

Oh my brothers,
do you feel the hatred growin'?
Do you hear the children screamin'?
Do you hear the men a chantin'
songs of fire, brimstone, and hell?

Oh my brothers,
do you see the signs a hangin'?
Whites Only, they cry, they cry!
Do you see the tall men wavin',
those red flags across the sky?
Do you see the cross a burnin'?
Purify! Purify! Purify!

Oh my brothers,
do you see the men returnin'
from long wars across the lands?
Do you see the whites, the blacks,
walkin' like brothers by the hand?
Have you seen the men a marchin'?
Million miles. Million hearts.
Have you heard the young King speakin'?
Of dreams! Of dreams! Of dreams!

Oh my brothers,
do you hear the cries
of freedom, love, and peace?
Do you see the protests ragin'
on all sides?
Do you hear the gun fall silent?
The King's crown is taken, gone.
Do you hear the news reportin'?
All is lost! All is lost! All is lost!

Yet despite all our shadows
still shall we travel
to unbound judgment,
to clear eyes
and rest
amongst our souls.

Oh my brothers,
do you see what I see?
Do you dream what I dream?

Oh my brothers,do you feel the hatred growing'?Do you hear the children screamin'?Do you hear the men a chantin'songs of fire, brimstone, and hell?Oh my brothers,do you see the signs hangin'?Whites Only, they cry, they cry!Do you see the tall men wavin',those red flags across the sky?Do you see the cross a burnin'?Purify! Purify! Purify!Oh my brothers,do you see the men returnin'from long wars across the lands?Do you see the whites, the blacks,walkin' like brothers by the hand?Have you seen the men a marchin'?Million miles. Million hearts.Have you heard the young King speakin'?Of dreams! Of dreams! Of dreams!Oh my brothers,do you hear the criesof freedom, love, and peace?Do you see the protests ragin'on all sides?Do you hear the gun fall silent?The King's crown is taken, gone.Do you hear the news reportin'?All is lost! All is lost! All is lost!And yet despite all our shadowsstill shall we travelto unbound judgment,to clear eyesand restamongst our souls.Oh my brothers,do you see what I see?Do you dream what I dream?

:') I'm stunned..... I would give this five stars out of five stars!

Oh my brothers

I love the central position this sentence have in the poem

Of dreams

I just love this sentence!! It makes sense to me, reaches me

Hi, Mike!

This was really awesome with such a very strong message, and you refer to a lot of historical aspects to bring this alive even more. That's really, really great. Extra kudos to you! Your imagery was outstanding and it definitely made this song very easy to relate to!

I don't really have any overall comments. There were a lot of questions, and I'm honestly not sure if I like that or not, so Ima just skip that. xD I like it, and I don't. I'd just have to hear it to decide, probably. It's weird. So don't pay any mind to this!

Oh my brothers,
do you see the men returnin'
from long wars across the lands?
Do you see the whites, the blacks,
walkin' like brothers by the hand hand in hand?
Have you seen the men a marchin'?
Million miles. Million hearts.
Have you heard the young King speakin'?
Of dreams! Of dreams! Of dreams!

I don't usually make any grammar-ish changes, but I think that suggestion might work better. That's how I read it, and brothers walk hand-in-hand rather than walking by a hand (as in walking on their hands rather than feet), ja?

So the other two bold lines, I'm a bit iffy on. They sort of disrupt the flow. Well, the Million line does indefinitely. I don't know what else to suggest since I don't know what we're trying to fit there, but it felt very awkward. And the last line didn't quite match with the awesome Purify line you had before. If there's something else you could use, that would be awesome! The "of" is just an awkward word to use.

The King's crown is taken, gone.
Do you hear the news reportin'?
All is lost! All is lost! All is lost!

This part is a bit weak, I think, too -- but in very minor ways, I promise! For instance, the first line could be written a bit more elegantly? I wanted to read it as "The King's crown has fallen," so maybe there's another way to phrase how the King lost his throne or power or crown in a much more appealing way -- which sounds morbid when put in context, I know. xD

Additionally, the "All is lost" is better than "Of dreams," but I'd still suggest a cool, one-word phrase like the way you used "Purify." Obviously, that Purify line hit me in a good place. But the reporting news probably didn't say that all was lost, either. I'm not for sure on the historical context, but they typically keep their own opinions out of it and, if any, put a government standpoint in. I'd look into that, probably!

Yet despite all our shadows
still shall we travel
to unbound judgment,
to clear eyes
and rest
amongst our souls.

This is why the questions felt weird to me. This stanza is very different. That's okay! It adds an extra emphasis to what you're saying, but I think this stanza is a bit too poetic compared to the rest of the song before it. Does that make sense? I didn't understand the judgment among souls thing without putting a religious spin on it -- but even then, it was never referred to in the rest of the song. Omnom foreshadowing!

Oh my brothers,
do you see what I see?
Do you dream what I dream?

The bold -- Christmas song reference. xD Couldn't help myself. Buuut now I'm singing it.

I really enjoyed reading this though! As I said, it had a bunch of historical references throughout the whole thing. It was really fun to read. I think maybe the message just needs to shine a bit more, and that'll be done with some minor tweaks -- and especially at the end since that's where the meat of the song seems to come in. Great work!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hey Mike!

I really like these lyrics I think the song tells the story (well, of history) in a very impacting way. My favorite part was the very end where you say 'Do you dream what I dream?' That part really hit me. All I can say is that I really enjoyed this and I'm curious about what kind of music you'd set it to.

Wish I could help more, but I can't find any mistakes!