Young Writers Society

VERSE ONE
Standards set so high
With all these pretty, pretty girls.
Don’t you see past their faces?
Don’t you see past mine?
I’ll stand here and wait my turn.

CHORUS
I want to be the person you want me to be.
Can’t you see I’m trying?
Can’t you see it’s all for you?
All for you.
I’ll stand here and wait my turn.

VERSE TWO
Insane’s too kind
of a word for what you’re driving me.
How loud do I have to scream?
How perfect must I act?
For you to take me seriously,
I’d give anything and the world.

CHORUS
I want to be the person you want me to be.
Can’t you see I’m trying?
Can’t you see it’s all for you?
All for you.
I’ll stand here and wait my turn.

BRIDGE
You must be deaf, ‘cause I’m screaming.
Must be blind, ‘cause I’m right here.
Maybe you’re too busy, or too scared,
Or just don’t care.

CHORUS (REFRAIN)
I want to be the person you want me to be.
But that person is not me.
(And) what good would it be
if you loved my look-alike?
So I’m done waiting
Take me now or never.
But know it’s
All for you.
For you.

Hello there, Amy! Rose here!

This is an amazing song! I write songs myself, and this one is very good. I envy your awesomeness! I see a few technical problems involving punctuation, but the rest of it seems great. I'll show you the technical problems I noticed.

I want to be the person you want me to be.
Can’t you see I’m trying?
Can’t you see it’s all for you,
all for you?
I’ll stand here and wait my turn.

Insane’s too kind of a word
for what you’re driving me.
How loud do I have to scream?
How perfect must I act
for you to take me seriously?
I’d give anything and the world.

But know it’s
all for you,
for you.

All in all, incredible work! I look forward to what you come up with next!

Always keep songwriting!

-Rose

Hi, Amy!

So I had to look up Amy Winehouse to get a feel for this. I never heard her before, but she certainly has a very unique style that put your song into perspective! Thanks for that note.

Since I've got a good idea what I'm looking at/listening to, I think you wrote this very well. It's a style that's very dependent on the lyrics themselves rather than the flow of words. I can't say I prefer that style, but it certainly works in some cases. It can have some really cool jazzy feels to it, and I wish I could hear this one in action just to see how it all works. Reading the lyrics by themselves shows no rhythm at all, so that would require the music in this case.

The only note I might make, and take it with a grain of salt, is the ending. The final chorus didn't quite line up with the original chorus enough to where I felt content with how it ended. I think a little more parallelism might've made that more effective? I also didn't understand where the "look-alike" came in. With the narrative itself, I didn't get the impression that the speaker and this other person were look-alikes.

Otherwise though, this seems like a very good song! I wish I could hear it. Good job!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!