Young Writers Society

So, I was kind of frustrated with NaNoWriMo last night, and I decided to take a break, and write a song. I found this picture, and somehow, it made me get into this topic.



Don't You Let It Die, Jane

[Verse 1]
Can you feel it inside of you?
It's the beauty of life, sweetest boon
More than innocence
Or a child's fearless will
More than the love I could ever give

[Chorus]
It's a lonely halo, warming up your soul
It's Heaven's gift and a stranger's luckless wish
It's a halo
So bright, it's burning in flames
Don't you let it die, Jane!

[Verse 2]
So can you feel it now, love?
It's an ambivalent soul, a childish lullaby
Soon to breathe, and have a heart
that will pump with restless beats
Do you know what that is?

[Chorus]
It's a lonely halo, warming up your soul
It's Heaven's gift and a stranger's luckless wish
It's a halo
So bright, it's burning in flames
Don't you let it die, Jane!

It's a lonely halo, warming up your soul
It's Heaven's gift and a stranger's luckless wish
It's a halo
So bright, it's burning in flames
Don't you let it die, Jane!

[End]
Can you hear it?
Close your eyes and shut your thoughts
It's a lovely song
So loud, it's burning in flames
Don't you kill that melody, Jane

Jane, don't you kill that flame
Please, don't let it die, Jane...

Haha this is now in my head
what sort of genre would it be?
i am imagining a Avril Lavigne sort of singer?

I didn't realise it was about abortion until I opened the spoiler. Now I do. Whoa. Oh man. OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN! This is what happens when you read something that touches you, and you have no words to say.




^ See what I mean?

I love this. It is just perfect. No seriously. I have nothing to say apart from wow. Wow. Wow. See what I mean?

Sol, I'm telling you, this will end up featured. Watch... I think it will.

This was amazing. Like Adam I can't say more than that! It's such a unique topic for a song. Well done!

Sinceramente, me gusto. pero hay ciertos puntos que encuentro que no fluyen muy bien tus palabras.

Ejemplos:
"It's a lonely halo, warming your lonely soul"
La repeticion de la palabra 'lonely' te esta traendo cierto tono de redundancia; aunque fuese intencional o no. Yo lo encuentro medio fuera de lugar.

"Jane, don't you kill that flame
Please, don't let it die, Jane..."
El final. Como crees que caera con el ritmo de la cancion? O suavizaras el tempo para que caiga mejor?

No creo que tengo mas que decir. Si me falto algo pues te lo saco en cara horita . Pero, sobre todo, encuentro que la cancion esta genial especificamente con ese tema que escogiste. Estoy curioso de escucharlo a ver como cuadra la cancion...

Cuidate,
Chris

Sol, I'm here because you begged me. But I would have clicked it anyway even if you never told me. Yes, I'm busy, and my head isn't ready for reviewing right now. But what is there to review anyway? This is touching. I was reading about abortion (different Biblical and humanitarian views), and well, I don't have my stand yet, but I must say that I'm leaning toward the AA side. And this is really touching.

This was beautiful!!
Thats all i can say....
so keep writing amazing things. Im going to follow you... Please dont dissapoint! (although i doubt you will)
~Rosey

Wow, gee! Applauses! I love it when people are inspired by things which look dire and hopeless and make out something so creative and inspiring. I love every single line and I can't help but imagining it being sung by ABBA, lol. Anyway, amazing job! And congrats on being featured! I'm so proud of you!

Thank you, guys<333333333

I had no idea it was about Abortion, I thought it was to do with dreams/ambitions. But it was still very beautiful and a beautiful and unconfrontational message. I can't really comment on the lyrics as I have no clue what the tune is. It was good, I would definitely like to the listen to it if you were to ever record it. I love the chorus:

It's a lonely halo, warming up your soul
It's Heaven's gift and a stranger's luckless wish
It's a halo
So bright, it's burning in flames
Don't you let it die, Jane!

Looking at it in the point of an Abortion it makes a lot of sense and sends shivers down my spine. It's unnerving and well is pretty well written. If I were to look closely at the chorus and pay attention to the words 'Heaven's gift and a strangers luckless wish and Don't you let it die, Jane! it's pretty obvious that it's about a woman called Jane who's pregnant and is considering an abortion. Is this written in anyone's point of view? (Husband/boyfriend, Parents etc..) If you seriously record this, send me a copy!

I love it, I didnt know it was about abortion. But I like it though, its very deep in feelings.
I know its short, sorry!
Thanks~
~Randi (Alabaster)

Thank you for sharing your work. It's a gem! I mean it. God bless!

This is so amazing! you an an awesome song writer. I would definitely get this on my ipod if it was actually recorded. I can picture Avril Lavigne or some other famous country type singer doing this song. All I have to say about this is wow! Great Job!

That is so good! I understood after the Chorus what the subject matter was, beautifully crafted, and moving.
Now I have the chorus stuck in my head xD Brilliant!