Young Writers Society

Fading Shadows Catch My Eye,
As I Turn Around A Dark Corner.
Breathing In The Musky Air
My Lips Shiver With Fear
Catching Catching Fear.

When The Sun Come Out Shinning,
Above Me I Feel Safe.
The Tear Drops Fade In Utter Darkness
I Know I Feel Home.

And I Will Always Always Be Safe.

My Shoes Start Clicking My Head Keeps Shaking,
My Body Goes Numb
Taking It All Back To Were It Began.

Till A Rainbow Rised Over My Sun
And Brightened Up My World
I See Bright Lights And Colours Blending Into Memories.

When The Sun Come Out Shinning,
Above Me I Feel Safe.
The Tear Drops Fade In Utter Darkness
I Know I Feel Home.

I'm Catching Catching Catching F-Fear,
Not Looking Back Oh No.
Im Catching Catching Catching F-Fear
Not Looking Back Oh No.

When The Sun Come Out Shinning,
Above Me I Feel Safe.
The Tear Drops Fade In Utter Darkness
I Know I Feel Home.

Hello Sianniiee ;3 ,

First Impressions:
-The first thing that hit me was the use of emotion in the song

Like/dislike:
- I like this song because it is very moving...

I'm Catching Catching Catching F-Fear,
Not Looking Back Oh No.
Im Catching Catching Catching F-Fear
Not Looking Back Oh No.

-I love the chorus because the fact that the word are repeated makes it a very catchy ...
- The way that you write "F-Fear" makes the reader wants to sing along.

Thank you
Lorna
Xxx

Hey I thought this was a good attempt at a song, the chorus is catchy and everything seems to flow well. However, you know your reading a good song when you can get the tune of it in your head without any music but with this occasionally I struggled to imagine how this song would actually be performed. Overall though I believe this is a nice song, keep up the good work! LonelyBones

Hey Sianiiee ^^

I think these are really good lyrics - it kind of reminds me of the eerie feel of Digital Daggers' lyrics (if you don't know them, trust me they're awesome ). Pshh, the highlight of my songwriting is a song me and my friends wrote about a pirate parrot in music class, heh, so this is brilliant. I like the cold emotion you give in the song, I can feel the way this person is afraid in the shadows, and then feels safe in the sun. The words you use like musky, shiver and fading really give depth to the song too. The chorus is so catchy I read this, did something and came back, but the whole time I was humming it. I have to disagree a little with TheLonelyBones - I could imagine how the whole song would go,
but at some points it was very jumpy. Don't worry though, it can be fixed!

My favourite part has to be this;

When The Sun Come Out Shinning,
Above Me I Feel Safe.
The Tear Drops Fade In Utter Darkness
I Know I Feel Home.

And I Will Always Always Be Safe.

it's just so warm; the sun comes out and drys your tears making you feel safe again. Until it gets dark that is :3.

On to the critiques.

1) Kay, first off you really don't need to capitalize every single word.
This makes you seem a bit silly and takes away from the effect of the song. All you need capitalized is the begining of every sentence .
2) Where it says "when the sun come out shining" you should add an 's' onto come so it becomes 'when the sun comes out shining'.
3) This line - 'tear drops fade in utter darkness' is a bit awkard and you stumble over the words. You could change it to this 'fade into utter darkness' or to 'fade into the darkness' which has less syllables. C:
4) In the line 'taking it all back to were it began' the 'were' should be 'where'.

Overall I really love these lyrics I think the begining eerie feel fading into warmth is amazing, and you didn't pick a cliche topic to write about either!

Keep up the songwriting,

~Tinkem

Hey,
Thanks for requesting a review. I'm not good at reviewing song lyrics. I did like this alot, and I could really see it as being a real song. Just one mistake:

Taking It All Back To Were It Began.

Were should be where.

Also, I'm sure you don't have to capitalize the beginning of every word. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany